"You look so drained", my mother told me. So did my junior colleague. That's when I decided - that's it.
The public sector is so ruthless towards its employees. The system is good for the public but certainly not for us who are actually in it. Our workload is just nonequivalent to our pay. Till today, I fail to comprehend the reason behind our excessive diligence in entertaining public's woes especially those openly condemning with half-baked knowledge, apart from for political reasons.
I gladly quote Imam as-Shafi'e in this matter:
"If I were argue with one thousand knowledgeable people,I would surely win the argument.But if I were to argue with one fool,I would lose the argument"
Why the hell am I still here, one might be wondering. There's only one explanation - Because my good deeds are just a handful. I used to be a firm believer in altruism, until I start waking up dreading going to work. I completely comprehend that this world I chose to be in, the field of surgery is filled with narcissistic professionals. I am one of them too, hands down. It is needed so that we can perform our surgeries, come to our decisions and execute them confidently with precision but of course, everything should exist in moderation. And that itself requires frequent self-reflections. We are not God. We are flawed. We make mistakes, we learn from them, and they should not be repeated. Most importantly, we are just human. Social creatures which cannot exist without each other.
I am clinging onto hope weakly that the society will finally come to its senses. That we, healthcare personnels, are already abused by our employer so badly, we don't need to be further abused by you, the public. It is amusing how cocky the public can be, ranting nonsense like, "I pay my taxes, you do as I say", when in fact the healthcare system is experiencing severe brain-drain, it will soon be left with a few brainy selfless people and numerous robotic yes-men.
Today apart from having a few wiremen over to fix a few short plug points, I gave myself a break and went to the beach. Enjoyed a huge cup of cappuccino and long black at a go. Studied a bit.
It's time to step back and breathe. Rethink my aims in life. It's time to adjust accordingly. It's time to pay more attention on myself. I choose to be happy rather than being drowned in misery.
I remember my father telling me, "We see celebrities committing suicide every now and then. These are people who try to channel happiness, but how can it come from people who aren't genuinely happy? They aren't genuinely happy because they put their happiness in the wrong hands. You decide whether to let others' words hurt you or not. You decide whether to let a terrible event drag you back. You are as happy as you decide to be. Never for others to decide. You underwent depression yourself, you should know it better than me".