Wednesday, April 30, 2008

s h i a w a s e

shiawase in japanese or happiness in english.

*pu pu pu* ok, you can tell just by reading the headline that the exam is.....

thank God thank God THANK GOD!!!!

the result will be out in approximately a week and we're told to stay back. now that the exam's over, it's time for me to go on a few missions (to be done within that week) i had set before exam :D they are:

1. misi berlakon seperti orang tiada tulang dan terlantar di atas katil
2. misi mengatasi rekod tidur 26 jam
3. serbuan ke atas Rantau Panjang
4. bermain bowling dan memenangi sekurang-kurangnya satu game
5. melukis sepuas-puas hati
6. bermain gitar dan melalak secukup rasa
7. basuh semua baju kotor O_O

actually, i had the taught to add 'main computer game sampai muntah', but since i uhm.... made a scene at the game store in kb mall, i had to omit that. what a thing to recall. some people don't know the meaning of good service.

number 4 can be checked, leaving me with 6 more missions. FULL CHARGE AHEAD MARI!!!

akhirnya, satu kiriman yang mempunyai kandungan yang positif.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

when my mind was at its worst state

the day before yesterday... that's when i thought my mind's health was at its worst. frankly, i never thought that i could make it through. Alhamdulillah, i'm here today :) most importantly, thank God, my sanity is here to stay. a few days ago, might be due to disturbance in my limbic system under the influence of some sex hormones (konon), i fell into a state of distress, a worse one compared to the one i talked about in my previous post. somehow, i became extremely sensitive and had my lacrimal glands working like hell for almost 6 times. thank God i still have my family and a few buddies to hear my sad whines. i'm grateful for having God's blessings.

i think it'll be easier said that i'm still not fully adapted to this new surrounding. i know very well that it's almost 10 months already, but just imagine me, trying to blend in the worlds of medicine and dentistry in a short period which are made of... you know... people who are of completely opposite to the people in the previous chapter of my life. well, not really 'previous', it's still here, taking only a small piece of my time :'( well, there is a price to pay for everything, isn't it?

i gotta say i live in a world with prejudice surrounding me. prejudice is defined as inability to make proper judgement without having enough information. people won't stop talking, will they? what more if i talk of simply having prejudice thoughts? why do they keep saying that everything's easy for me? don't 'don't judge a book by its cover' teach them anything? well, they may say whatever they like and talk behind my back, but i shall ignore them and go straight to my aims. apa-apa lahhh~

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

minda yang kacau bilau

sindrom kemurungan atau 'Clinical depression'. should that mean anything to me? i'm feeling very troubled... deeply troubled. i checked on it in the internet and i'm gaining some of the symptoms. i counted and i'm having 6 symptoms altogether. i never thought that i'd feel some of these feelings again now that my teenage years have already passed. that period of raging hormones certainly have passed. i feel so tired, like giving up, so longing for a good talk with someone i can trust, but those people are so far away. i am so tired of living in this tiny alien space where people befriend you for what you can give them alias advantage, instead of a healthy two way communication. as soon as you find yourself in trouble, most of them will only run away or give blank stares at you or maybe they'll say something... just a short sentence and that's it. it's always the "aku tak tau ah" answer that you'll get. i'm not sure i can fit in this mini society of A-complex people who knows not the meaning of friendship or having fun and being so kiasu. if only i can just go back home for a few hours, pour out everything, and come back to my campus... it'd be nice, but that certainly is not an option currently. i know that only approximately 20 days to go, but... i'm tired. i'm very tired. never felt mentally exhausted as this. i, myself don't even understand most of this right now.

maybe this is just a pre-examination syndrome, i shall give its name. i just don't know.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

nihongo geezer!!!

PHOW!! my first translation of a japanese song!! ('v') it was tough, unexpectedly... maybe because they were being too artful. i mean... i can't even understand some of the words! not even with the help of a dictionary. they used weird conjugations too... some didn't even make sense, but you know... i'm a noobling in this. so... who am i to say such things? :P and i was wondering if i could make this as some sort of practice for me to improve my japanese language skill. i'm really getting slower on it, now that i have LOTS OF medical stuff to study. exam's only 10 days away ToT insya Allah boleh!! *oh, i'm deviating away from the topic!* anyway, the song is Umibe by L'arc en Ciel. i like the guitar rhythm in particular :D

Japanese lyric:

Yawaraka na sono hoho e to furete
Yasashii jikan ni hitasarete itai
Mou ichido ano umibe ni modori
Tada nanigoto mo nakatta ka no you ni

Kimi no koe ni kizuki mo sezu kisetsu wa sugisari
Kataku omoi maku wa orita yo
Sayonara mo nakute

Yoki senu hodo ni kage wo otoshita
Irozuku mae ni tsumitorareta kajitsu
Fui ni kokoro wo some agete yuku
Maru de jikan ga modotta ka no you ni

Kimi wa ureshisou ni hashagi umibe ni tokeai
Mabushisugita hizashi no naka wo oyoide itta
Ikura saigetsu ga sugitemo kioku wa kizamare
Kesshite kiezu ni boku wo nayamasu

Yurusareru no nara hohoemi kakete yo
Yurusareru no nara
Ano natsu made aruite namiutsu sunahama e to kaerou

Kimi wa ureshisou ni hashagi umibe ni tokeai
Mabushisugita hizashi no naka wo oyoide itta
Kono michi wo tooru tabi ni kimi ga tsukisasaru yo
Maru de mune kara nagareru you ni afure dasu

Translation (honyaku!):

I try to touch that soft cheek of yours
Wanting to be immersed in the gentle time
Send me back to the seashore one more time
Like everything has not happened

Your voice is unnoticed even as the season elapses
The heavy, tough curtain folds
Without even a goodbye

To anticipate the fall of the shadow
(ok, I can’t translate this sentence)
Suddenly the heart is really filled with it
Going around the time, putting me back
(meanings, bringing back the time)

You gladfully run, dissolving at the seashore
In the radiant, bright day, you swim
How many years have even passed, it’s still etched in my memory (recollection)
To never disappear, it troubles me

Allow if you can, hold that smile
Allow if you can
Walk along the sandy beach with waves, back to that summer

You gladfully run, dissolving at the seashore
In the radiant, bright day, you swim
In the journey of going through this road, you pierce me
Going around in my heart, draining out

Friday, April 11, 2008

safe with them

it's annoying. absolutely, terribly annoying when someone only talk to you when they want sumthing. opportunists. *sigh* i pity these people. it's not as if i can't see through you *hyperbole*. that's the very reason i chose to dissociate myself from certain people. when they talk to you, they always start with, "Z, kau ada tak....", or "Z, aku punya bla bla bla, boleh tak.....", or anything that suits. opportunists. bugger.

one thing in my mind right now....

aku nak jumpa stucks dan kawan di rumah yang hidup!!! aku mau jumpa mereka yang lively!!! ToT

aku nak jumpa dengan mereka yang tidak berpura-pura, tidak bermuka-muka bila bercakap dengan aku. i miss Stucks terribly *sob...* i really am...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

green is the colour and i see birds

umi's about to fetch up after maghrib prayer. ha, thank God, i'm really in need of that!!! *sob*

today, i saw mr. jpop >_< and most importantly, the DREADED ujian Bahasa Melayu is over!!! *smiles blissfully* not that i'm trying to be a pain in the arse, just that... after almost a couple of years not learning it and all of a sudden, bang!! then, finding out lots of grammar mistakes made in our daily life, just look at the billboards and signs. GOSH! WE'VE BEEN CHEATED!!! thank God, for the first time in a month, i'm feeling perfectly calm. today, i watched the sunset (through my windows only though). the weather today is great, not too hot, which is perfect since we're in a dry season right now. oh hey, i saw 4 birds chirping to each other. it's like a couple talking to another couple O_o this sound far-fetched, but oh... well. i took a 20+ minutes of nap. now i'm feeling quite fresh! my roommate, Su, is wearing baju kurung with apple green flowers and white base. made me feel better :) you do know that green is the colour that exerts energy the most, don't you? so, looking at them early in the morning helps in boosting your energy for the day! :P i used to laugh when reading such statements, but time changes people.

there is only exactly a month till the end of year 1 hols. how good does that feels, Zahirah?
Answer : FOUR YEARS TO GO BABE!!! let's do this!!
Small Voice : cuti ni nak buat apa? -_-"

i got a reunion for my ex-practicummates to organize and stucks gatherings and more shopping sessions (hear that, mellie? heh heh heh *grins*)! *hopefully hopefully* T_T jaja won't be back in time and so does nazi. mereka terbang meninggalkan aku di malaysia. takpe, masters nanti, insya Allah.

*hold on, i'm on the phone*

*ok, hung up*

eh, umi just called. gotta go! anyway, ALL THE BEST, PEOPLE (those who will be sitting for exams)!! let's pray for each one of us. i prefer wishing 'all the best' rather than 'good luck' because then, you'll get best of luck too. geddit? geddit?