Friday, August 21, 2009
operator, the line... is it dead?
I don't give my trust easily, but once I do, please, please, please... hold it with care because it comes with a warning sticker bearing the word 'Fragile'.
Even at times when I feel like almost the whole world is crumbling on me, a few hands stayed to hold mine and patted me on the shoulder, as if quietly saying to me, "It's okay, we're here for you, Z", and it felt like I'm ready for almost everything. Anything but a lie - I can't bear it even if only one of those hands leaves me.
It felt like anger at first, but the truth hit me soon after - it's sadness and disappointment that are paralyzing my risorius, zygomaticus major, and minor muscles.
Yes, you came with a warning. Commitment is not something that you look forward to, hence, leaving someone close became a habit of yours. My apologies for asking for your friendship. My apologies for asking you to listen to my whines and stupid jokes. My apologies for trying to fulfill your every wish. My apologies for not knowing that exact 'every wish'. My apologies for asking something simple such as company. My apologies for dragging you into that incident-you're-not-supposed-to-talk-about. My apologies for making you wait for so long, although it wasn't my intention to do so, seriously. I don't have much control on others. I don't even have much control on myself.
Oh yes, bad habits made a comeback. Thank God Kucheng and Elly are there to limit my madness. Thanks, darls.
Finally, my apologies for being so weak, but the naked truth is... you are among a few people that I trust. Thank God Fiza is still there for me. Thank God there are Kucheng, Elly, Wiki @ Akmal, Mus, and a few others. Although Bob said that I'm a very independent person... I highly doubt that. Kalau Fiza buat begini... aish, memang lagi besar impaknya. Jauuuuuuh lagi besar. Alhamdulillah Fiza sangat sangat sangat sabar sama aku. Wa sayang sama lu, Fiza.