Wednesday, September 30, 2009

lub and dub

To you, it might be just a few wordplays, but to me... it shook all the walls in my heart. Shook it so badly that you left it with fibrillations for so long that I was quite sure it would've failed soon if it weren't well taken care by the normal physiology of cardiac muscles... but I will keep these jumbled feelings to myself.

And finally, today, it's "Yes", to Mel's (Mel, please don't write down your guesses sudah) long unanswered question.

There's this one song which is very common, but I hadn't been able to nail it down until recently, as I watched the movie, Penelope. It is Hoppípolla by Sigur Rós. Legend ni. Kalau dengar, mesti rasa macam pernah dengar di mana-mana.

Come to think of it... whenever I have very strong feelings, I tend to write them down here and somehow, I tend to insert scientific terms here and there. Well, that's a tribute to Hannah when she told me that her father reads this blog (maaf, ia tidak seberapa T_T) and gave that very comment. Why, why, why, I wonder... I guess... in certain cases... creative literature is not enough to describe one's feelings (not to offend any literature lovers out there). I mean... if I were to say, "My heart shudders", it'll give out an impression of the heart shuddering just like that. As if they're on vibrators. However, if I say, "My heart fibrillates", then... you should know fibrillation (loss of normal rhythm of heartbeat) is divided into many types and each of them has its own patterns and locations (as well as level of danger)... but I guess science itself is lifeless without literature. You should try to read international scientific books. This goes especially to students who are losing interest in science due to reading rotten books like Sasbadi and bladdah bladdah. My apologies, but I dislike those books. Everything is in point form... it's as if reasoning doesn't exist, and if it even exists, the book will not answer your every question. That's me a few years ago. A few years ago, I forwarded numerous WHYs to my teachers, but I was often hampered with responses such as, "Things are that way. That's WHY!". Racking through my memory, there was only ONE teacher during highschool who suggested me to read on international books.

Be it that the mistake had been there for dozens of years... we still have to correct them.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Come, come, mi lady, raya open house :D

i love you all, my dears

Yes, I do, dear Stuck crew... and seeing a few of us in a mesh of misunderstanding kills me, but I have this thought at one corner of my mind - perhaps having to be so attached to one and another makes us so vulnerable to this and that. But then again, we had gone through so much that we know each other's strength and weakness so well. There was this one period when all of us are so happy and thankful even with our numerous flaws, but we still managed to hold ourselves together. I may be naive to have this wish, but I'm still having high hopes for that time to repeat itself. Nevertheless, regardless of which one of you guys I'm spending my time with... You guys almost never failed to make me enjoy the seconds.

Come to think of this... Just had steamboat with 'em Kishie, Hannah, May, and Mellie and beraya at Ozz's place and gosh I'm sooo dang full! Ang patut tengok aku melantak hahaaa~

Tomorrow night, will attend May's 'makan-makan' yang tak tentu masak apa lagi (WAHAHAHAHA!!) sebab May's giving so much thought about the menu to be served. Time to taste her cooking ^_^ They said my smiling face looks like this '^_^' emoticon. Hm... lepas ni kena baiki smiling face. Ngee... and in the morning (till evening), will be charging from Subang to Bukit Antarabangsa for beraya session with 'em syisha clique~ Macam biasa, either aku atau Wiki la jadi drebar... but then again, all the plans above are always subjected to God's will. Insya Allah.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

goodbye, sir.

This is one old news, but I just found it out a few seconds ago after reading Awiff Wiff's blog. Yoshito Usui who was the cartoonist of Shin Chan had passed away. Rest in peace, sir, although... hm...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Have you ever felt like this - Someone/somebody attacked you either physically, mentally, or emotionally, but then knowing that you had gone through extreme cases (such cases that you know very well only a handful had experienced them), you gave such lame responses to the responsible person that that person got so pissed off and started rambling nonsensical stuff about you that you know very well are all made-up junks? And yet, you continued as if that person is invisible?

Dude, I'm so so so having that problem... and I find it hard to concentrate my emotions currently. They are always so mixed up that I feel so confused and ignored my problems later. Hapa ke benda tah.

Annnnnnd! If you were to debate on something... Don't debate on things you aren't so sure of, or if you're one over-confident tad who thinks a lot using common sense, then don't debate with that 'common sense' provided it is built on a whole lot of unclear craps. It just pisses people off, you get what I mean? It's like arguing that Doraemon's dimension-less magic pocket is non-existing with a three year old kid. You'll finally give up and let that kid have wrong ideas about everything. As long as you're at peace and that kid is happy. Hapa ke benda lagi?

Friday, September 18, 2009

raya is here. God, please forgive me.

Raya is supposed to be the day all of us are going to be so immersed in happiness. To many, it'll be a month of victory over the challenges of Ramadhan. To many too, it'll be the day of forgiving, but not necessarily forgetting. To the young ones, it'll be the day fire crackers are made legal by the adults (even those who are working as a judge :P) To a few precious ones, it's yet another day to be spent for God. To cut my ramblings short - it means so much for so many people out there.

Nevertheless, this raya... I can't seem to forgive a few people, regardless how much effort I make... not even my own flesh and blood. Enthusiasm isn't there. I am somehow exhausted mentally. Exhausted from standing on the brink for so long. And I don't feel like asking for forgiveness from a few people too. I searched for the earplug of my headsets till I sweated like a pig, just to make sure they will work at kampong - so that I'll get to have my own imaginary personal space and I can isolate myself from others. What an antisocial.

Just one wrong decision... and I had to carry the blame for life - all on my own.

Cuckoo confirmed?

I'm in a deep shit right now. All you can see right now is my fingernail wiggling there, and everything else is drowned in deep shit.

I can barely open my eyes. A few seconds ago, it felt like I was choking in my own secretions. As usual, when a huge troubling news falls upon me, my head will throb. My eyes will puff up. Dear, oh dear, I have not sobbed for years... Not till today. Cried until my throat is so sore and my voice becomes hoarse.

My most beloved item... will be gone... for good. And I can't do anything about it. And I can't have the responsible person to do anything about it. I can just be a spectator and give emotional responses to this disastrous and tragic movie I'm watching.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

there's a line drawn for everything

Bangangnya rasa apabila dalam keadaan begini.

Bangun lambat setiap hari untuk seminggu dah. Akibat terlampau selalu ditikam dari belakang, semangat aku dah lama mati. PBL dah berapa sesi aku ponteng, bukan sengaja, tapi sebab tertidur. Alhamdulillah, diri masih ada kesedaran sikit, jadi sudah menjadi kebiasaan untuk baca topik-topik dalam subjek perubatan lebih awal dari yang lain. Taklah terasa sangat bisa tertinggal kuliyah. Contohnya kuliyah bertajuk Oral Contraceptives hari yang lepas... Sebenarnya, awal minggu lagi sudah habis baca contraception dan contraceptives dalam Katzung dan Ten Teachers. Tapi kan lagi elok kalau boleh dengar orang yang berpengalaman bercerita di depan... mungkin boleh ingat dengan lebih mantap :P

Dalam setiap tahun, ada sahaja satu blok yang aku akan jadi terumbang-ambing. Dalam tahun 3 ni, rasanya blok 'reproductive' lah bloknya. Tahun 2 dulu blok 'musculoskeletal'. Tahun 1 dulu blok 'central nervous system'. Apabila memerhatikan trendnya, apabila hujung tahun semakin hampir, pandai pula otak menjadi pantas dengan tiba-tiba, lalu menangkap semula semua blok-blok gila ini. Alhamdulillah... Allah hanya memberikan ujian yang boleh ditanggung hamba-Nya, dah Allah banyak menguji hamba yang disayangi-Nya.

Harap-harap diri boleh berubah di eid ul-fitr kali ini. Harap-harap aku boleh lupakan segala dendam yang pernah aku simpan. Harap-harap aku boleh lupakan segala peristiwa yang membuatkan aku bermimpi buruk. Harap-harap aku boleh jadi anak, kawan, cucu, dan hamba Allah yang lebih baik, sebab... terus-terang aku katakan... aku rasa aku semakin hilang arah. I'm not giving my optimum performance currently.

Monday, September 14, 2009


... I had turned into. I don't know what to think... anymore.

p/s: Palat punya Poslaju. Tak boleh harap langsung. Kau tak payah buka servis lah kalau pekerja macam DJQJE)(@IEI!@_I#_@!I#_!I_#I_!!!!!!!!! Oh, YES! 1Malaysia tak jujur, pecah amanah. So much for a logo. Kalau bukan sebab FedEx atau semua tu tak buka cawangan di Kelantan, dah aku biar Poslaju mereput sahaja. Berapa abad dah buka bisnes pun masih tak profesional macam ni? Kasi malu sahaja.

p/s2: Maaf, saya makin kerap mencarut kebelakangan ni... dalam bulan Ramadhan pula tu :(

the streets were wet and the gate was locked, so you jumped in, but will you let me in?

Before I forget...

16th August 2009 was the date Along got engaged to Kak Suraya :) Although I had to make a huuuuuuge U-turn to take something and missed the moment when Tok Mak put the engagement ring on Kak Suraya... at least, I got to attend the event. Along postponed his engagement so that it will fall during my hols... in which case, I am very thankful and touched :')

Ironic isn't it? I can forgive a few people who were so late that I was left out from the convoy to Kak Suraya's house. I can forgive the person who foolishly wrecked my baby (although it's unevitable for me to experience a bit of anger whenever anybody reminds me of the incident) so severely that I suffered depression (and a few even found it amusing or that I over-reacted), rotator cuff injury (which caused my prostho and paedo progress to be halted), and Umi almost called it off, but thank God, she didn't. I can forgive the person who beat me, smashed my head onto the floor, until I almost fainted and even bled. I can accept when my leisure time had to be sacrificed for things that is quite unbeneficial to me, but are the opposite for others, because I love them dearly... I lie not about this. I can swallow it when my grade dropped (thank God it didn't drop too much) because I was too immersed with managing things for others... and yet, when my weaknesses start to show themselves, none could accept them except for a few people. Well, let's rub salt to my wound - a few 'smart alecs' spreaded rumours about my affairs. Baguslah, fitnah itu bagus... bukan? Oh, how enthusiastic one may talk on being righteous, and yet how cunning and sinful one can be to do such thing?

My advice to 'smart alecs' out there : If you were to hear any rumour (whether it's good or bad) about a person, double check 'em with the respective doer atau dengan kata lain - tuan punya badan. Stop talking bullcraps such as, "Dengar kata... *isi umpatan anda di sini*". There were lots of things that you said reached my ears. If you had proved yourself so untrustworthy, then, trust me... there are so many people around you who aren't much different too.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

'twas fun at first

Today marks the 4th day of my diarrhoea and vomiting episodes. It was okay last evening, but worsened today. Thanks to me for being so forgetful (as usual :P), I accidently took things containing milk/cheese. I thought yesterday would be uneventful since I paid extra attention to what I bought for 'buka puasa', but hey, how genius was I? Kenal air jagung tak? A few sellers offer corn drinks containg milk. I only realised it a few hours after drinking it when I saw white-coloured sediments in the leftover. Great.

I read a medical journal on lactase deficiency (better known as lactose intolerance - unable to digest anything containing lactose). Surprise, surprise, in some people, it develops with age which means you may have tons of lactase (the enzyme in your body which is involved in breaking down a type of sugar called lactose), but as you grow up, the lactase somehow decreases.

By the time I was able to recall things in my conscious mind, a milk bottle filled with 'air sirap' was the very first drink I could remember of having... and now my lactose intolerance worsens, hence, abstinence from dairy-containing food or drinks became my practice and I find that frustrating. Yet another test from The One and only... but, I'm pretty sure that my blood pressure is dropping. Head feels heavier than usual, gets tired easily, easily gets confused (eg. when I double checked this post, I found more typos than usual), and yaddah yaddah yaddah - just like when I was in Jakarta, except that currently, it isn't that bad. During that time, my blood pressure dropped to 80/50mmHg (normal is approx. 120/80mmHg). The general practitioner even wanted to administer I.V (intravenous) drips initially.

Hokay, I have more things to write, but I swear to God, I feel so light-headed (tak syisha hari ni okay). Later.

Friday, September 11, 2009


Hapi~ Got muvi olredi~ Senks, Mus~ Taim tu terperuk in mai rum~ weehoooo~

Thursday, September 10, 2009

abnormal thoughts

I... suspect I am a masochist... somehow.

It has been a very very very tiring day today. Went for sahur from 1.00am-4.00am. Chatted with my roommate, Fiza, for an hour or so. Slept after Subuh till 7.50am (since I slept for almost 10 hours the day before ^_^). Had paediatric conservative dentistry class till 10.00am. Resumed making my denture till 12.20pm. Paid a visit to Che Din's little bookshop to see whether there's any new copy of lecture note... okay, I was lying. I was checking out whether anybody's using his computer.......................... until I realised that I didn't bring my pendrive. Che Din is our major supplier for movies/dramas :D

In short, I am so so so tired right now, but I'm seeking to tire myself more. Let's donate blood at 2.30pm :D Yes... it'll be my idea of fun for today :D And when I get too tired, Wiki'll drive. YAY!

Then, there'll be buka puasa with the 'big family' in Pantai Cahaya Bulan, konvoi 3 kereta, insya Allah :D We'll be hunting for fire crackers before hand hoho. Oh, gatalnya tangan mahu beli mercun yang mereka pakai semasa pertunjukan bunga api, tapi apa kan daya... keadaan kewangan tidak mengizinkan hoho. Kalaupun kewangan mengizinkan, minda lagi tahu tak perlu sampai macam tu. Personally, I like mercun gasing and mercun naga, but a few others said that they are for pussies. Apa-apalah. Mus will be going home tomorrow. Aih, sangat jealoused aku ni.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

mou ahhhhhhhhh

Fiza told me something today that shocked the crap out of me.

I rented a car from this one guy yesterday. Since dear i10 is away for awhile, I usually rent cars from him. He's quite hot-headed... at times, but yesterday, he was unusually nice. Being me, I didn't care much about it, well, as long as I don't get nagged by him like I always do. Kuang kuang kuang, rupa-rupanya, Fiza told me that when that guy messaged me to tell that he's already downstairs to hand me the car, Fiza replied for me with, "Kejaplah, sayang, hahaha"................................................................. You have got to be kidding MY ARSE! Fiza, serius tak lawak T_T Not funny, not funny, not funny! But since Fiza found it amusing, I couldn't bring myself to scold her. Tak tahu nak gelak ka apa. Tapi tak marah pun. Dia dah panik aku marah. Hahaha.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

lazy ass

I've been such a lazy ass nowadays. My Melody Written Out blog hasn't been updated for months already. I'm supposed to upload new guitar tablatures, but the mood has been away for quite awhile already. I'm supposed to finish up my Japanese class assignment which is to make a scrapbook on bladdah bladdah. I'm supposed to 'khatam' on obs & gyn history taking as well as physical examination (checking patient) since Renming and I are responsible to present a case for this coming week. I'm supposed to distribute a few Dental Student Association stuff in the lecture hall, but failed to do so since one of their excos passed it to me so late that by the time I got it, third year medic and dental students weren't having lectures anymore for that week. I'm supposed to mop my place like I usually do weekly or once every fortnight, but it's approaching end of week already and it still feels dusty down there. I know... it's not usual for someone to mop his/her place that frequent when he/she is staying in a hostel, but I have eczema and apparently among the known things that triggers the attack is dust - which explains the reason I rarely wear flip flops or anything that exposes my feet to dust.

Summary is - I'm lazy.

Friday, September 4, 2009

wahai bulan

It's two months full of birthdays! Well, firstly...

Happy birthday again to dear bassist,
Hannah Marzuki!

As May said, the sexy one! Haha! And the one with gorgeous legs! Hope you'll achieve your every ambition. Luv you lots :D I miss your brownies, mwuuu...

Aish... I don't know how many birthday celebrations I had missed :'( Wait till I become a dentist... insya Allah.

Happy birthday again to dear syisha clique, Mus :)

Thanks for always being there for me T_T And all those harsh jokes... I didn't mean most of it. Just as Elly had wished you... I too wish that you'll become a good man one day. A good muslim too, and GOSH! Seriously, you have so many potentials in you, waiting to show themselves.

Internet is being such a bitch currently. Apex lah katakan. Oh yeah, talking about the internet and Mus... I'm so stucked with a song titled Semua by GzJunio. It's a duo rap group which created and sang amazingly melodious and unique songs... and yeah it's an indie band, still. So to indie fan wannabe (and real ones) out there, feel free to listen to them. Hold on... what does Mus has to do with the band? His cousin is in the band. Begitulah kisahnya.

Now that Elly, Kucheng, Mus, Wiki, and I go out so frequently, a day without an outing with them leaves me dying out of boredom in my room. LOL! Take this very second as an example. And when I'm left with ample of free time during which I am supposed to study and yaddah yaddah, foolish thoughts loom... and now I'm trapped in this unexplained sadness. Chest pain again. Popopopopooooooyo! Nevertheless, my lacrimal glands have been having a long rest, without being overworked. Praises to God, Alhamdulillah.

If only you guys know the song that is playing on my laptop currently, mesti kasi gelak sampai mati, sampai jerit, "POPOPOPOPOOOOOYO!", dekat saya sambil tangan membuat bentuk 'L' dan diletakkan di dahi.

Up to this second, (this very comma) I'm having mixed emotions, hence, the unorganized post for today.

Give up on it, Zahirah. For once, Zahirah, learn to give up on the hopeless ones (more hopeless than trying to extract the DNA using a loop-wire)... or else, your heart will be crushed into the smallest piece you can ever imagine. You know you can hold their hands while trying to pick yourself up. You can hold 'em tight. It's okay.

...................................... but my heart is aching too much. Way too much. Can I lie to myself any longer? Lompat bangunan ja la.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


here i am..staying up tutoring the basic guitar chord and how to strum to Kucheng, a very spastic and PERASAN gurl who think that she is an angel..jejeje...i am Zahirah Ardy, the most popular girl in my U cause im such a pro in playing guitar..

ow yeah..also joining my tutoring is Mus..whats up??,suit up!!and i-ike-number-ten men..jejeje...i am Zahirah Ardy again...jejeje