Monday, October 19, 2009

terang itu matahari?

I am the person you don't have to be sensitive with.

I am the person you may use to reach others and achieve your numerous agendas.

I am the person you may toy her emotions with until she finally breaks.

I am the person you may slash with all your might.

I am the person you may step on.

I am the unhappy person who you might think is just being pretentious.



My chest is aching. My abdominal muscles are repeatetively contracting as usual. I feel like vomiting, but if I do so, all the food will be wasted. This is bad... really. Yes, I am pretentious, I am a drama queen, I may be everything bad you might think of, but I have this overrated thing named 'feeling' after all. You know what... it is so damned tiring to hear the same insult year after year. There's a limit to everything, and that's the limit of my patience.


I'm sorry for not being expressive or frank enough to shoot you with angry words or actions, but that's just... not my style and you, as a friend, should understand better. Not everyone can be made understood a fact by force. Not everyone can accept harsh words. Yes, I am melancholic. I'm sorry for not being your perfect friend, but this is me. Sometimes, you're so amazing in the sense that... how wonderful you may appear to me one second and become worse than an obvious foe the next second. No, these words aren't directed to one person, but a few others too. Feel glad and flattered, 'friends', because you are now one of the reasons this 'thing' is dropping once again and that 'thing' is reopened.

5 comments:

FurBall said...

Z...apkah??are u referring to me??mwuuu

Anonymous said...

ohh..why u talk much about how depresed ur r...usually depresed people dont know that their dpresed..mcm orng gile x ngaku die gile..but in ur case....wel i dont know....

zahirah ardy said...

Mus, taklah takkk.

I wonder why am I getting more and more responses from 'anonymous' nowadays. Dear anonymous, kindly read post http://iamzahirah.blogspot.com/2009/10/out-of-guilt.html to understand this condition. I write my thoughts down because I need to channel them out without bothering others much. Further concealing my probs might give out poorer results. Am just trying to listen to my psychiatrist's advice which is to speak out my probs instead of withdrawing myself from society. Kindly state your reliable scientific source for "...usually depresed people dont know that their dpresed..".

FurBall said...

baru pasan ad kata2 dr ko z..taklah tak..hehe...

Anonymous said...

z.. just dont border what people wanna say.eventhough u may feel alone,keep in mind dad He is always with u..just mayb u r not aware dad He was very very near to u..try looking for Him..i'm sure ur problems gone