Sunday, October 11, 2009

when words had failed me

Yesterday felt like it couldn't get any crazier or worse.

My handphone was stolen. My only handphone (yes, I don't own other handphone) that contains numerous lecturers' handphone numbers, very valuable photos, flight schedule, plans, songs, birthdays, recordings, and so many more. The culprit entered my room when I was bathing. For God's sake, as a batch leader, I need to contact so many people. Costed me a fortune (di kala kewangan sudah sempit). More over, I was somehow blamed for the loss by a few people, and one of them is my most important person. As a few had already known, in the past four months, numerous great yet terrible (terrible to the extent that I don't dare to write them down here) things fell upon me. Most of them costed my family and I a fortune too. Multiply the price of the handphone to dozens. Many might say, "It's just a handphone", but a few who know will know how easy my emotions and mental can be affected now that I had gone through so much in such a short interval.

Then, as I had posted before, my band performed yesterday along with another fellow band from Persatuan Sains Kesihatan (PSK) for the closing ceremony of Ekspo Kampus 2009/10. Initially, everything was great although our first song was played on a fast beat, but everybody held on well and I think we had pulled it off well. Then, came our second appearance on stage to perform Revolusi by Bunkface. We even brought a friend over to play the drum and rented a bass amplifier. A few seconds after we had started, just as I was thinking that this is going to be great, everything was going so perfectly and as we entered the "Aku bukan mahukan bayangan resah mu..." part, everything went dark. Yes, people, a black out. Almost everybody (even the VIPs) waited until the emcee finally announced, "... masalah teknikal, jadi, dengan ini Ekspo Kampus 2009 berakhir..." (can't remember the exact sentence).

The amazing FACTS about it is... the power supply for other parts (eg. Dewan Utama) of Ekspo Kampus was not disconnected nor experienced short circuit. Immediately after our first performance, my junior, Fiza (Intan Hafizah) told me about a lady asking her to leave the event. There were also other news related to the incident, but finally, everything was hanging just like that- stringless and untraceable. Only God knows what really happened on that night. If it's to be a sabotage case... then, know that you had just put so many people down, belittled our efforts (all those renting, practices, and so many more), and this:

"Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: Ketika Allah mengumpulkan orang-orang yang terdahulu dan orang-orang yang terkemudian pada Hari Kiamat kelak, maka setiap orang yang melakukan PENGKHIANATAN akan diberikan tanda sebuah bendera yang bertulis: Ini adalah bukti tanda pengkhiatannya kepada Polan bin Polan- Hadis Ibnu Umar r.a"

- taken from Aisyah Reduzan's Fb note.

And I thought I had recovered from the past incidents, but I actually have not... I guess. For the very first time in my life (as far as I can recall), my appetite was gone. Tadi kononnya nak keluar makan dengan syisha clique, then, baru seciput makan, rasa penat dan muak mengunyah, perut pula seolah-olah menolak yang seciput itu keluar kembali. Akhirnya, tekak yang menahan mengalah lalu semuanya pun keluar kembali. Kemudian, tachycardia pula. Seterusnya rasa nak pitam. Balik bilik, pandang laptop dan melayari Facebook serta bercerita dengan Fiza seperti biasa. Pandang lagi laptop, menangis sekali lagi. These lacrimal glands, their secretory apparatus, and the eyes are already so sore from producing so much secretion.

Last midnight, repeated my old habit again. Roy dan Mus dua-dua pun marah. Tapi, kalian... secara jujur, aku berasa sangat susah untuk berhenti buat macam ini. Lebih-lebih lagi apabila emosi tak stabil. Telinga pula terngiang-ngiang ayat seorang ahli keluarga yang sangat saya sayangi katakan. Hati pun kembali gundah.

Makasih, Taqim, sebab main lagu Kuatkan Aku oleh Vegetos pada hari kelmarin. Syiok lagunya.

Fiza (roommate), kita minta maaf sangat-sangat sebab selalu buat awak risau... tapi sekarang, kita perlukan masa. I think I'm already at my limit.


staqim philux gc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zahirah ardy said...

baik, Incik Taqim.

staqim philux gc said...

nk lgi ke lgu yg best2 z???
dlm lptop ak byk ni...hehe...
umm folow la blog ak jgk....hee

zahirah ardy said...

dah follow dahhh, Taqim. mari la lagu2 tu, tapi aku takdok pendrive dah. aku punya duduk dgn oghe belako.

aisyah reduzan said...

fuuyooo tqim mung pung ad blog ke...kejuk aku..hebak2

Elly Elinna said...

z...damn..u started the old habit back? i guess u cant help it kan. nevermind, just try to get better and feel better. semalam makan sikit je, hari ni kena makan banyak ok.

zahirah ardy said...

bukan kebuk wasap punya ya, Elly. hoho.

Elly Elinna said...

ya, just SAW THAT!!! OMG!!! *jaw drop*

Anonymous said...

Mengapa kamu suruh orang lain
(mengerjakan) kebajikan, sedang kamu
melupakan diri (kewajiban) mu sendiri,
padahal kamu membaca Al Kitab (Taurat)?
Maka tidakkah kamu berfikir?
(Al-Baqarah, ayat 44)

Anonymous said...

Dan janganlah kamu campur adukkan yang
hak dengan yang batil dan janganlah kamu
sembunyikan yang hak itu, sedang kamu
(Al-Baqarah ayat 42)

zahirah ardy said...

dear anonymous (although i'd appreciate it if you can introduce yourself properly), thank you for the reminders, but do know that... i had never, never said (as far as i can remember)that what we did was right. in fact, i had persuaded the band leader to drop the idea of bringing in a female singer (for my band only, excluding PPSK band), because i was worried the action that might be taken on her as well as the rest. i thought of other things as well. just like that, i also disagree with sabotage esp. considering the fact that nobody showed up to stop us nor change our performance. just like you had quoted from the Quran, don't mix up the right and wrong things. and fyi, i am adequately equipped with religious knowledge (sekolah agama + my own family members) although i have to admit i had been committing many wrongful acts. if you had detected any wrong thing made right by me, kindly rephrase them here.