Today, I had a lecture on 'Sedative Hypnotics and Anxiolytics'. To be translated in simple English, the lecture was mostly about drugs that induces sleep-like state by depressing a few functions in our brain. Although I read the topic overhand, I honestly skipped the chapter on their side-effects... and had to learn it later (during lecture of course). The thing about this drug is... I'm currently prescribed alprazolam which is a type of long-acting benzodiazepine (to treat my insomnia) which also happened to be included in that very lecture. Now I understand the reason Dr Zarina emphasized the part where I'm supposed to take that drug only when I really think is necessary. It's because it may induce AMNESIA (memory loss)!!! And I just started to gather things again! Nonetheless, thank God, thank God, I only took it once in the past week, mainly because I had very bad daytime hangover which means I felt verrrrrry sleeeeeeeeepy during daytime. I could barely focus during discussions and lectures and all I did during lunch breaks was to sleep.
So, just recently, I found an awkward method to help me falling asleep. To sleep while listening to my very own heart beat (but remember to remove it right before sleeping, or the pressure on your ears will be very painful later). Ironically, I can't fall asleep while listening to songs. Besides, doing so may interrupt with conversion of short-term memory into long-term memory - according to one of my lecturers.
Anyway, a friend advised me to discontinue taking these escitalopram tablets I'm swallowing every night. Enquired the doc about that. She was quite startled (for reasons I shall not write here). Then she said, "Kita... kena tahu keupayaan kita... takat mana kita mampu",(+/-) and told me to continue taking my medications (I never defaulted though). I'm convinced now... it's okay not to appear strong at times and not to push myself too hard for the sake of others especially, because in the end, it exerts 'wear and tear' effect on me, not on them.
You know... all these incidents, they are God's way of teaching me numerous lessons and they opened my eyes to those who have always been here, with me. I had wasted my love, money, time, and so much more on so many wrong people indeed... but hey, nothing goes wasted :)