Tuesday, June 30, 2009

don't need to

Kau tak perlu guna pakai setiap perkataan, perbuatan, dan lagak aku. Kau tak perlu jadi seperti aku. Kau tak perlu terlampau mencuba untuk bercampur dengan kawan aku... kerana bagaimanapun kau cuba menipu diri sendiri, aku, atau yang lain, percayalah bahawa kami dapat melihat diri kau yang sebenar... kerana tiap satu kita ada kelemahan. Ternyata kau tidak bijak memanipulasi mimik mukamu dan aku sememangnya seorang pemerhati sejak dulu lagi. Aku lebih gembira jika kau tetap menjadi kau, dan aku tetap adalah aku. To befriend another me is at the bottom of my to-do list. And to force me to do so, only pushes further from you. "Ah, syok sendiri ja si penulis", barangkali itu yang berada dalam pemikiran pembaca. Mungkin kau perlu berada dalam tempatku. Percayalah, sudah beratus-ratus kali aku cuba membangkang pemikiran sendiri.


Lagi kecil hatiku apabila kau memperalatkan aku untuk agenda kau yang tersendiri. Benar, kita masing-masing mempunya agenda tersendiri dalam setiap persahabatan. Aku mahu berkawan dengan kau kerana aku perlukan teman. Itu adalah agenda aku. Sebab fitrah manusia itu kan tidak berupaya berdiri berseorangan. Aku mahu berkawan dengan kau kerana aku rasa kau adalah satu teman yang pernah aku rasa selesa untuk aku bercerita segala rasa resah, gundah, gembira, dan banyak lagi, menjadi diriku yang sebenar, malah menangis depan kau... aku mahu lebih mengenali kau yang pernah aku senangi. Tetapi, ternyata antara agenda kau berkawan denganku adalah untuk... beberapa perkara yang tak mudah untuk aku tuliskan di sini.


Jarang sekali aku berkira denganmu. Apa pun yang kau buat, "Tak apalah, dia baru mengenal dunia sosial agaknya", puas aku berbisik kepada hati kecilku, tapi kesabaran itu kan ada batasnya. Puas aku cuba membuat kau memahami kegelisahanku, tapi ada sahaja jawapan daripada kau. Maaf, tapi kata-katamu gagal mengaburiku. Sememangnya aku sudah berkawan dengan pelbagai jenis orang... dan kau sangat arif tentang itu, bukan? Baik, nerd, tulus, jahat, nakal, tapi harus aku akui, aku tidak mengetahui segala-galanya. Allah sahaja yang tahu segala-galanya kan? Jadi, apa perlu kau menipu aku? Dengan ini, aku rasa aku perlu perlahan-lahan menjauhi kau... sebelum aku gagal mengawal diri sendiri daripada melakukan perkara yang diingini tapi tak sepatutnya dilakukan terhadap kau.


p/s: This may refer to a few people. To those who can't tolerate annoyance, please don't bother reading this.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

assist me to scream

Can you tell me the reason this thing always worsen late in the evening? Not erythrocyte escaping again, not erythrocyte escaping my pharynx again T_T






Sakitnya lah...

Friday, June 26, 2009

complicate the simpletons

It might be just a wordplay... it might be just a song... it might be just a melody weaved by a few simpletons... but it sure is complicating me. ARGH!


Throat and microorganisms sure aren't being too kind to me today. They must've been pissed off that I'm throwing medications at them :P And I chose the wrong time to swallow my painkillers (doc's prescription, bukan sendiri suka okay. Untuk orang seperti Pali yang beranggapan salah! Cis!) - which was during studies, and now I feel higggggggggggh~ that cures a little bit of my addiction towards syisha. Now, I can't comprehend this. How can I quit smoking cigs cold turkey when in fact I smoked about 1 1/2 packet per day and I can't quit smoking syisha (in other word, hookah) which I take about 2-3 times per week? And the latter gives me crazy headaches, light-headedness (got such word?), nausea, and tachycardia (it usually ranges about 120-130 beats per minute)?


And now Izzi ain't being kind too, showing off his newly discovered syisha place which he described to be way better than Rasta, a shop that serves syisha that is quite satisfactory in quality. Argh! Nak gila dah aku ni. My brain is MEEEEEEEEELTINNNNNNNG!! I wish I can go shopping all of a sudden. I want to meet 'em Stucks just for awhile :(


- updated at 4.57pm -

Istighfar, Zahirah, istighfar... jangan kau sentuh benda itu lagi. Sekali lagi kau sentuh, makin sukarlah kau mahu hilangkan tulisan itu. Biarlah kelenjar lakrimal sahaja bekerja, jangan kau gerakkan benda itu. :'( Tengah malam nanti mahu drive sendiri sekitar Bachoklah. Semoga hati dah boleh tenang masa tu.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

seksanyalah

Aih... I oughta pay a visit to the salon once I come home. Snip! Snip! ^_^


Tak tahu dah nak cakap macam mana. Mahu syisha sangat sampai susah belajar. I want it so much that it hurts ARGHHH!!! Not to mention about this pharyngitis that's somehow worsening with time and my voice is so hoarse... like that of a MAN! T_T mwuuuu... Aku miss ayat, "Jom jadi naga", or anything that involves the word 'macam naga'. Budak-budak PPMS (whooops, or is it PPSL now? Nama mcm... gagaggaa~) masing-masing macam sibuk. Tak berani aku mahu mengacau mereka. Sensible lah kunun... sebenarnya tak mahu jangkiti mereka. Pagi tadi, ada darah keluar. Memandangkan aku sememangnya tiada gingivitis (dengan bangganya) kecuali di gusi sekeliling gigi bongsu yang sedang tumbuh (ini tak dapat dielakkan okay), jadi, rasanya punca dia adalah pharynx (lebih kurang tekak maksud dia). Ini yang tak seronok tentang batuk-batuk. Asal kena senang saja mahu berdarah. Tapi, yang peliknya... tonsils aku taklah membesar seperti yang aku jangkakan. Disebabkan dia suka membesar, jadi, kalau aku batuk-batuk biasanya dia membesar sampai fauces ke oropharynx aku lebarnya mengecil sampai beberapa milimeter saja. Kali ini tak sangat pula.


Weirdly, I'm experiencing pain which is not very well localized and distributed around the facial area, starting around the zygomatic area, and radiates toward upper and lower part of face. It is tender in nature... which makes it weirder. My eyelids feel so irritated, but weirdly again, there isn't any sign of conjunctivitis. Tak merah pula mata. I'm sort of worried of herpes zoster since... the distribution of the pain is a bit like that of VZV infection :P


Sekejap lagi mahu ke klinik. Risau pula swine flu. Kata si Razzi, ada seorang staf USM 'suspected to be infected with swine influenza'. Baru balik Melbourne orangnya, dan dia pergi periksa di HUSM. Lagilah risau aku jadinya :( Tambahan aku ada vomiting. Tapi agak gembira pula sebab takda arthralgia, which is a clinical feature of viral infection. Fever pun dah subsided :)

p/s: Maaf rojak betul post kali ni. Tak berapa sihat rasanya.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

never leave your child unattended

Akuspastik?



I did an outrageous thing yesterday. Was out to Kwik Stop (sort of Tujuh-Sebelas) to buy mineral water as soon as I was healthy enough to do so... and uhm... I'm not very sure what got into me and I LEFT MY CAR UNLOCKED AND ITS DOORS OPENED!!!!!!! PFFFFFFTTT!! And my bag and handphone were in it, thank God, thank God, Alhamdulillah a man selling nasi campur was just nearby, so... nampak macam kereta dia sikit. Gaaaggagaga~





This is my aloe vera, a gift from Ain Shafiyah about a year ago. It had stopped growing at one time since the old vase was too small. I bought it a new home just now! Hopefully it'll grow flowers again soon :) Tak dapat bela hamster, pokok pun jadilah :P Oh, anyway, to anyone out there who needs fertilized soil, feel free to have some of mine. I bought a packet of it early this year and it ain't finishing fast -_-"




Recently, I had been hit with the same question, "R u in love?" (or anything of its equivalence) by what... 5-6 people in a week? (Hahaha, rare tu mau cerita benda begini di blog) The last time I was closest to such thing was... hm... about 4 years ago and that already affected me so much. Way more than I had expected. As you can see... I'm somehow afraid of failure, but that's only in certain fields :P So, whenever I feel like I'm about to be trapped again in such condition, switching my 'insensitive mode' on becomes my escapism. Perhaps I'll tell one or two close friends about it, but the next thing I usually do is... RUN from it by any mean! That's why to be labelled 'gatal' pisses me off, because trust me, I have no intention to 'menggatal'. If you know me well enough, you'd laugh like hyenas to even think of labelling me with such term (just as Mellie did when I told her I was labelled 'gatal'). I'm too afraid to to do so. Besides... you wouldn't want to know my love life. It's boring. It's as boring as the toilet in my hostel, haha.



Anyway, the wounds are away for good :D I'm putting them away for good and will try my hardest to stay away from them, insya Allah. What was I thinking? I have too many great friends to do such thing. Talking about this... the other day, pretty boy, Yueming, did something surprising. While exiting the lecture hall, he stopped right in front of me. Fikirku mau tunggu Yeap atau Teh dia ni, tapi mereka keluar dah. Suddenly, he turned around and asked me, "Eh, yesterday how?". Hm? Then, again, "How are you?". Hm?? "Okay already or not? You weren't well yesterday right?", he asked again. Macam tiba-tiba ada Silver Surfer bekukan aku tengah jalan. Sayangnya aku tak dapat jerit atau buat apa-apa ekspresi yang mengejutkan, tetapi hanya mampu balas dengan, "Hmm" sambil tersenyum. Knowing Yueming for a couple of years already, yes, this is a very very very rare thing to happen. Rarer than a lunar eclipse. Come to think of it... yeah, he is always there when I needed his help especially academically. Him, having a girlfriend - that makes sense now :) Frankly, I used to say to him, "I tak tahu macam mana girlfriend you boleh tolerate dengan you lah... Cold-hearted sucker, haha", and he replied with, "Oh ya lah, you kenal I lahhh (in sarcastic tone)". So, lesson learnt for the 1000th time - don't judge a book by its cover. So, this is Mr. Tan Yueming, for your imagination. Sorry it's a very old picture and I don't have a nicer picture of him. Not his fan :P




p/s: He's shockingly not that photogenic, but in real life... his skin GLOWS! Which remains as another secret for me to find out. Makan roti dengan peanut butter ja kebelakangan ni 'menyuburkan' kulitku, arghhh! Tekak, tekak, sembuhlah kau, semoga aku boleh makan benda biasa kembali.

p/s 2: Mellie, he's slightly nerdy, specky, and beautiful (I mean this) but no, he's not my boyfriend nor do I admire him, hahahah~ because I know you'll somehow jump into making conclusions again!

p/s 3: Since I'm running out of ideas to post more entries, will be writing about the people around me more :P

Monday, June 22, 2009

ahem ahem

Satu demi satu, mereka jatuh ke pahaku. Rasa seperti sayur sawi yang dah terlebih rebus pula.


Let's add drinking water from water dispensers to my already-long-enough-allergy list. Yesterday, I was overwhelmed with sore throat. Slept. The best cure I could think of. Woke up at 5.00am sharp (again!). *argh...* My throat felt like it's burning. "Must be just another episode of upper respiratory tract infection that I get about 2-3 times per year", I told myself. Malas dah mahu layan. 8.50am - "Pergi lecture, Zahirah, nanti doktor kata batch kau dapat ketua pemalas karang...", I thought, in a feeble attempt to persuade myself. What now? Headache?? Now that's rare. I get that like what... once every 4 years?? Lectures were long. Very very long. "Sikit lagi. Jangan baphuk lah kau", bisik lagi kepada diri sendiri. Suddenly, I experienced about 6-7 episodes of gag reflex. What the heaven? Balik bilik, GEDEBUSH! Perut tiba-tiba jadi kosong. Muntah dah semua. Sia-sia pula makan kuey teow sup tadi. Voom! Badan jadi panas, tapak kaki jadi sejuk pula. Jarang betul tapak kaki rasa sejuk.


Lagi 15 minit ada tayangan video demo di dewan kuliyah pula. "Nak rehat :(", rayu hatiku. "Tak boleh, kena belajar. Ada 2 lagi set exam kau ni!", my mind objected. So, it's set. My mind often wins over my heart. Sebab tu lah mereka kata aku ego :P *sigh?*


Yesterday, went to KB with Adrian, Renming, and my younger brother, Ahmad. I was quite surprised when Adrian insisted to accompany me since well... it was 9.00pm+ and I thought they wanted to use that time to do some revisions. While helping ourselves to our dinner, Adrian suddenly said, "You look sad lately". "Eh? Ya ka. Macam biasa ja... Mungkin ada sikit ja kot", I said to him. Later, he added, "Yeah, you don't look too happy lately. I thought you were sad and needed company, that's why I accompanied you". Hm... I didn't know about that myself... and I thought I already recovered. I don't even know how to solve it myself :( Poyo kan ketua batch dental sorang ni.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

5 jam. 5 pagi. 4 kali + 1 time out.

Aku

mahu

tidur

cukuplah

cukuplah

cukuplah

perlu

tenaga

.................. CUT!!!

Eh, ponteng kuliyah pula aku kali ini. Maaf, tapi 5 jam straight, 4 kuliyah (eh, tipulah, ada break 15 minit antara kuliyah ke-3 dan ke-4. Ada juga break seciput antara kuliyah ke-2 dan ke-3, tak sempat beli sarapan bagi mereka yang tak mahu melanggar peraturan) sebelum waktu rehat tengah hari. Mula pula pukul 8.00 pagi. Mahu beli sarapan pula... Kafe Oren itu kan hampir 24/7 penuh, panjang saja barisan para pelanggan yang beratur untuk membayar (tadi barisan panjang, ekornya di luar Kafe Oren). Tekanan 'Sunday blues' (di negeri lain adalah 'Monday blues') pula aku jadinya. Terus batalkan niat mahu ke kuliyah 2.00 tengah hari ini kerana kononnya lambat setengah jam dah (tersekat aku dalam 'traffic jam' dalam kawasan hospital. Membuatkan aku rasa jelak dengan pentadbiran kerana masalah ini dah ada bertahun-tahun). Muak lagi aku mendengar perkataan 'Apex university'. Tambahan, malam tadi aku dapat tidur tak sampai 2 jam akibat... adalah. 4 kali bangun sudah. 3.00am+. 4.00am sharp. 5.00am sharp. 5.20am (yang ini paling aku tak tahan).


Rasa macam mahu mencarut pun ada, tapi salah sendiri juga sebab tak keluar dari hostel awal-awal. Lagipun... aku mahu kurangkan mencarut. Tak mahu melatah perkataan kasar. Tak mahu melatah lagi. Malu gils. Tapi aku masih mahu buat emoticon (c=_=).I. Hahaha.


Penatnya. Tidur dulu. 4.00petang ada lagi

p/s: Sila baca berita ini. Macam mahu gelak pun ada :P

moyang udah tagged

Moyang tagged aku pula. Baiklah, dengan ini aku akan buat walaupun terdapat bertimbun nota yang patut dihabiskan sebelum peperiksaan lagi :P Kami ada 2 set peperiksaan dalam masa sebulan. Menarik kan? Weeee~



1)Beside ur lips,where is the favourite spot to get kissed?
Forehead seperti selalu sebelum Ayah pergi luar negara atau hantar aku pukul 5-6 pagi ke lapangan terbang.

2)How did u feel when u woke up this morning?
Hungry.

3)Who was the last person / people you took photo with?
Didi and Yasmin, after picnic at the beach :D

4)Would u consider urself spoiled?
Now and then.

5. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
Ah... Kalau dah dilabel 'excessive testosterone'..................... *sigh*

6. Do you want someone to be dead?
Not of my nature.

7. What does your last text message say ?
Putung2 2 kaw.bkn ak.gerhana bln creepy.mls ak nak tgok.tmpat ak tgh bawan skng mana ble tgok.. (Rauf with his occasional mood swing, after an incident. Hilang mood aku mau reply :P Masa dia first messaged happy pula. Complicatednya yang seorang ni.)

8. What are you thinking right now ?
Mengantuk. Esok ada kelas awal pagi lagi. Malas. Jawab survey ini lagi.

9. Do you want someone to be with you right now ?
Mustilah. Aku asyik melepaskan kebosanan ke Mukabuku dan Kak Naliny ja ni.

10. What was the time you went to bed last night ?
Around 4-5 a.m.

11. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now ?
Salah jenis baju kau ni.

12. Is someone on your mind right now?
Yes.

13. Who was the last person who text you ?
Rauf.

TEN Lucky Person to do this quiz. (Luckylah sangat!)
1. Hazwan (tada idea dah aku ni)
2. Panjang (macam tak pernah buat tag ja dia)
3. Rauf (besar kemungkinan takkan buat tag ni)
4. Aida (tak tahu hidup lagi tak blog dia)
5. Faza
6. Fahmi Jamboo Fauzi (boleh ka dia blog kalau bukan tentang Elly? LOL!)
7. Elly (boleh ka dia blog kalau bukan tentang Jamboo? LOL!)
8. Melissa Mam Yudi (paling besar kemungkinan tak buat tag haha)
9. Wan Iliana (mari, mari)
10. Kerol (entah apa jadi dengan blog dia)



14. Who is no.2 having a relationship with ?
Oh, baru single mingle dia. Mau kau? Hahaaaa~

15. Is no.3 a male or a female?
Katanya male dan macho lagi *gelak sebentar*. Tapi kata beberapa orang lain female. Mastika.

16. If no.7 and no.1 get together , would it be a good?
Habislah kau Wan, kena penangan lelaki daripada Jamboo.

17. What is no.1 studying about?
Medic and how to tackle girls HAHAHHAHAHHA!!!

18. When was the last time you chatted with them?
Baru tadi.

19. Is no.4 single?
Macam 'It's complicated' gitu.

20. Say something about no. 2.
Gila bisnes dan politik dan segala-galanya tentang harta dan kuasa HAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!

21. What do you think about no.3 & no.5 being together?
No. 3 bukan jenis senang mau 'together'. No.5 dah berpunya, mahu aku kena join Wan kena penangan lelaki maut.

22. Describe no.9.
Blog dia best! Serious!

23. What will you do if no.6 and no.7 fight ?
Macam setiap 3 hari mereka begitu. Haha, tapi kita melihat dan terhibur sahajalah. Lovebirds kata kan. Ish ish ish XD

24. Do you like 8?
A lot! Budak PTS, lagi muda daripada aku banyak bulan pula tu lagi GANGSTA! XD But that's why I love her :D (bukan lesbo, bukan lesbo)

25. How about 10?
Kalau dah dapat gay friend. Mana tak sukanya! HAHAHAHAH! Seperti mendapat kawan perempuan yang terperangkap dalam badan lelaki! :D

Friday, June 19, 2009

drummer no. 3




This is drummer no. 3 and today is his 21st birthday.



Selamat hari jadi ke-21, Khairul Ridhuwangay!



Semoga jadi doktor yang hebat dunia dan akhirat seperti (atau mengatasi :D) mak kau. Amiin...

............................................................................................................



Kenapa drummer no.3? Drummer no.1 ialah May, drummer band pertama sekali, Apple Danish . Drummer no. 2 ialah Rauf, drummer band kedua, The Geeks (nama ini hentam karam terpaksa letak sebelum perform dulu). Drummer no.3 ialah Khairul Ridhuwan a.k.a Kerol, yang seperti Chipsmore bersama The Geeks :P This drummer no.3 guy is the most loyal boyfriend you can get, so girls out there, you'd better rush up to him before he becomes a complete gay :D LOL.



Lately, old habits are making a comeback. I dare not fold my sleeves up. Too many of them this time. Plus, something happened between a few of my 'anak buah' and myself. So, that contributes some. Then, there's the much anticipated result of my prevous medical exam (dental students' result is not released yet). Argh, so many people enquired that of mine (even those who aren't close to me). Haruskah? I'm worried enough already, thank you, you need not worry for me. Next, there's the exam on dentistry subjects. The usual 'lepak-lepak tepi Sungai Kelantan' clique isn't here currently except for Kerol. Thank God he's here... at least.



So, Izza, Kerol's fren, Fikri (who was very shy but amazingly could sing well! haha~), birthday boy himself, and I celebrated his birthday with a picnic by the usual hangout spot, Pantai Irama, gobbling on KFC and plucking and strumming the guitar. As I was looking at the sky, searching for the brightest star and the moon, suddenly, I saw a red crescent near the sea line. Subhanallah, for the first time in my life, I watched a lunar eclipse! It appeared fiery red and somehow scary. It felt like having a red-eyed monster glaring at you. It felt eerie for awhile and then we were left stunned by its beauty and magnificence.





This is Poyo (I never gave him any proper name, but had been addressing him with this name). He's still in his teenage years... I guess, because he's short and... er... overweight -_-" Wonderfully, he never pees on my shoes or sandals and he's quite clean. So, I feed him from time to time (it ain't a problem since I actually have milk powder for kittens which I bought during second year). One very spoilt cat. If you don't stroke him, he'll continue meowing until you stroke him 4-6 times and then he'll be quiet, but continues demanding for more strokes by gently biting on your finger and guide you to his comfort zone whenever you lift up your hand. LOL! He brightens up my day :D Especially since Danish isn't here anymore. RIP Danish :( Dan takziah kepada si pok kerana kematian kucingnya. Tak tahu bagaimana sampai boleh kena makan anjing, but who am I to say so since my own rabbit, Dolly died being decapitated by a fox.

You HAVE to watch this video in Hazwan's blog post, titled Kenangan Mengimbau Kembali. Pay attention to Iqbal and my Gitaku played by Pali :D Tengok berapa kali pun boleh gelak gils-gils.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

tembak aku, cepat

mwuuuu T_T jantung aku sudah mahu meletup dah ni. Masa-masa beginilah emosi mula kembali tak stabil. Mahu kerjakan 'lacrimal gland' lah... mahu syisha lah... mahu lompat bangunan lah... Mahu macam-macam lagi. Apa-apa pun, harus gather markah dengan baik daripada peperiksaan nanti, with God's will.

p/s: 'cik' Hazwan, kau dah buat aku makin gundah-gulana dengan shoutout kau (yang pasti dikecam oleh pelajar MedDen 3 yang lain juga :D). Arggghhhhh! Doakan kejayaan masing-masing ya, kawan :'O Insya Allah, berjaya. Kita dah cuba yang terbaik (ragu-ragu sedikitlah aku akan ayat ini), selebihnya... insya Allah. Be confident, Zahirah! Be confident!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

wishes and actions



Happy belated burfday, Maisarah Sofian (whatever it is, you are still my drummer :D)(bottom, nearest to the cake, wearing black shawl). Really, really, really wish you'll achieve all of your ambitions.


...........................................................................................


Class had started for nearly a fortnight already... and 'amazingly' exam will be the day after tomorrow. 3 papers in a day. Bersedia berhempas pulas bersamaku ya, otak yang berada di belakang dahi yang luas ini. Gundah-gulananya aku Tuhan saja yang tahu. Tak sampai sebulan yang lepas pun aku menghadap kertas peperiksaan Selanjar 2 Perubatan. Otak seperti tak cukup gris. Kan sudah mereka kata, "Never stop learning even for a day" atau otak kau sangat berpotensi untuk menjadi lebih lambat daripada sediakala... Tak mahu kau dengar ya, cik Zahirah. Dalam masa 2 hari ini, haruslah aku 'set' otak ke optimum speed sekali lagi. Pertama kali aku 'switch' dia pada 'optimum mode' 2 kali dalam sebulan. Tolong doakan aku dan pelajar-pelajar sarjana muda doktor pergigian di sini ya? Thank you in advance :')


This happened yesterday. My problem-based learning (PBL) group members and I were in the middle of a class with Dr. Abdullah Pohchi. For a some reasons, we were talking about the majors in dentistry especially oral maxillofacial surgery (OMF - surgeons specializing in head and neck regions, eg. reconstructing injured face/skull, plastic surgery, etc.) which is his field of expertise. Suddenly, he looked at me and said, "You boleh buat". Hoh... Gapo dio? "Saya rasa you boleh buat OMF", he justified his point to me. Gils... gils... GILS!!!!! Sememangnya aku merancang mahu teruskan master dalam OMF, insya Allah. Keadaan kelam-kabut dan berisiko tinggi sangat menyeronokkan :D Macam mana dia boleh tahu... =_=" Terima kasih, Tuhan... dan juga Dr. Abdullah. Naiklah sedikit semangat aku, lebih-lebih lagi untuk menjauhi paket Dji Sam Soe (yang kuat harum baunya, selagi belum dibakar) dan Djarum Super yang terlantar di atas almari itu. Hanya menunggu si pok mengambilnya... sebelum aku sendiri yang menghabiskannya :P Ah, I know I sound naive saying these things, but oh well.


Ugh... Joints don't feel very nice for a few days already. Cervical lymphadenopathy (enlargement of lymph node) again. I wonder... why do my tonsils enlarge about 3-4 times per year? Shiver shiver shiver aku... and exam's just hours away T_T Dear God, help me T_T (sekaranglah kan baru nak ingat Tuhan, tch!)

p/s: Congrats to Mel & Hannah, my 2 genius babes for getting awesome result for your final sem :D Babes, you will do well, insya Allah.


p/s 2: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ Nervous gils aku exam neh!!!! Tak tipu!!! Sikit pun tak tipu!!!! Langsung tak tipuuuuuu!!!!


p/s 3: Alhamdulillah, I'm now in my 3rd year in degree in dental surgery (DDS). Hopefully, I'll be a better person.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

thank God, really T_T

All of a sudden!!! Really, suddenly, my shoulders feel lighter this morning. No, not literally. Just a metaphor. I have decided to return to my 'optimistic state' as I used to be. Considering an incident involving a good friend of mine and a few other factors... suddenly a whisper came to me, persuading me to, "Let bygones be bygones". I have too many things and people to cherish and be grateful of. Thank you, Allah :)


And to Rauf, maaf aku macam shet ja sama kau. Fikir aku, kau kawan syisha atau cakap merepek aja, tapi kau oke lah. LOL! Makasih lagi.


Sebenarnya ada kelas oral maxillofacial demo sekarang, later ya.


p/s: I won't be deleting any previous post bcause... well, let it serve as a reminder to me. And... hopefully I won't be experiencing any episode of manic happiness or else I might be diagnosed to have bipolar disorder instead :P

sayu itu sayur

Tadi dah taip tajuk "Sayu itu sayur". Cumanya lepas itu tekan 'Create Post' sekali lagi. Lalu 'page' pun 'refresh'. Sebelum itu juga dah taip tajuk yang sama. Cumanya selepas itu tekan butang yang sama. Sebelum itu juga perkara sama dah berlaku. Hari sebelumnya juga. Dua hari sebelumnya juga. 3 hari sebelumnya juga. Indecessive Zahirah?


Sekali lagi dapat pecah rekod kelajuan~ 150 km/h pula kali ni~ Gils best! 'Adrenal gland' berhempas pulas merembeskan hormonnya, 'euphoric' aku jadinya. Bila emosi mengambil alih, pemandu lain mencabar, dan tiada orang lain dalam kereta kecuali si pemandu :D Kalau bawa anak orang, bahaya pula... Walaupun jalan agak lengang tadi. Rasa ada tanggungjawab pelihara keselamatan mereka pula.


Oh yea, about the previous post... I've finally given up on making anybody understand anything about it. Biar sajalah aku bercerita segala-galanya dengan petikan gitar klasik dan nyanyian yang tak seberapa untuk didengari diri sendiri. Setiap kali aku bercerita tentangnya kepada sesiapa, makin hampa jadinya hati kecil aku kerana tidak mendapat respon yang dikehendaki... walaupun sedikit. Well, you listen to what you want to listen. Biasalah tu. Zahirah tetap manusia biasa, bukan seorang 'superwoman' seperti yang mereka katakan atau harapkan. Diri pula terasa jauh, mahu menjauhi, dan mudah menjauhi para pendengar... kerana sudah mula ada tanggapan begini, "Kamu nampak serupa. Hakikatnya sedikit pun kamu tak faham aku. Kalaupun ada yang kamu benar-benar faham, tetap akan aku fikir bahawa kamu tak faham". Yang penting adalah kamu, kamu, kamu, dan kamu tak mengetahui apa sebenarnya yang aku fikirkan, maka tak merunsingkan kalian, bukan? Jangan risau. Aku tetap akan senyum di hadapan kalian.


Hujung minggu ini ada peperiksaan. Makin runsing hati. Lain kali bersedia awal-awal ya, cik Zahirah.

p/s: I'm planning to see a professional based on this (if this continues for another week, which means 3 weeks altogether me having such signs and symptoms), "Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self hatred... other symptoms include poor concentration and memory (my major prob now)... withdrawal from social situations... insomnia is common: in the typical pattern, a person wakes very early and is unable to get back to sleep... physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, or digestive problems... agitated..." - Clinical depression. (I thought while in Subang I might recover, but not really I guess. Almost everything was superficial) (edited at 5.00am+)

Monday, June 8, 2009

apa sayu?


Benar... aku selalu saja memasang 'poker face'... kecuali bila bersama dengan beberapa orang dan hanya dalam keadaan tertentu.



Kadang-kadang kita terlampau mudah membaca 'body language', setiap perkataan, dan aksi seseorang itu sehinggakan... tanpa sengaja, aku terbaca niatnya. Bukan untuk kepuasan hati, malah... hancur luluh pula hati kecilku jadinya. Sehinggakan tak tertarik 'risorius, zygomaticus minor and major muscles'ku untuk menghasilkan senyuman walaupun yang palsu. Hati kecil yang sudah hampa... tak mungkin ada yang boleh memahami.


Ah... sudahlah... cerita lamalah tu. Tapi...



p/s: Benarlah tu... tak mungkin ada yang boleh memahami kecuali Tuhan.