Monday, December 27, 2010

hush now

It was surprising to see how distraught you appeared to be today. I wish you would tell me the reason of it - what's troubling you? But knowing you for a few years already, you will never splurt out that kind of stuff. And I wonder why am I feeling this despicable resentment - am I not good enough as a friend that you wouldn't tell your problems? Your face was flushed, your conjunctivae appeared congested, and your eyes looked abnormally glassy. Yeah, you always have that sparkle not many are privileged to have, but today they seemed to be telling a whole different story. I want to see you smile again, your usual sarcastic, sadistic self. Smile, friend. "Remember, I am the good person, the good man here okay?", you said to me and I need this 'good man' to make a comeback soon enough. Come on, I've been trying to beat you all this time, don't give up, man!

Yokunai kimochi ne? :(

Everyone seemed exhausted after today's clinical session. I hope tonight will be great for everyone, including me. Amin.

Sunday, December 26, 2010


Cool kan benda ni?

It's four o'clock in the morning and I'm still wide awake, playing around with Yearbookyourself. I wish the internet line can be this fast even during other times. Once the clock strikes 11am, the line will be hit by internet retardation syndrome.

Haa, in about 29 hours, class will start once again. Last week was quite rough. By next oral surgery, my requirement for tooth extractions should be completed, insya Allah :) That's why I said last week was quite rough. I really need to start practising proper mechanics of tooth extraction. I'm using my wrist too much :P

This weekend was almost completely wasted with reading shoujo comics ~(=v=)~ Ngeeeee, I LOVE Manga Fox. Mathisa Yuu's drawing is pretty! So does Sakurada Hina's (*v*) You see, this is the problem I'll experience whenever I get overdosed with Japanese mangas or animes - I'll start using emoticons excessively in my texts. Gyaaaa, I so so so want to visit Japannnnn!

Umi and Ayah has granted me permission to go on one condition - I'll have to get a friend to accompany me which is the most problematic issue here. Who'd want to spend almost ten grands just for a few days? Oh man... So I guess I'll just wait till I become a certified dentist and perhaps a specialist, but uhm... I don't think I'm willing to wait six more years before visiting that country. Bersiap sedia untuk berjimat... tapi... saya... taklah... bijak berjimat sangat. Uh -_-" Learn, Zahirah! LEARN!!! Eh, kejap... Umi dan Ayah kan dah kata nak sponsor gua pergi sana. TEE HEEE HEEE, but I think they might change their mind once I've graduated (insya Allah) because Ayah will officially become a pensioner this 30th December, hence the need to save my money soon. Only God knows how excited he is about this. Hahaha. Nonetheless, I admire this character of his - once you accept a job, you do it properly until you've completed the task. I hate people who do things merely for the sake of fun and as the Malay saying goes, "Asal cukup syarat". Not good at all. Well you can play around, but give your best shot at everything. The satisfaction is worth it, no kidding.

Two days ago I had a rather strange dream, but I'm not immersed in melancholy enough to talk about it now :P

Innalillah, my condolences for Naimah and her family. Her father passed away on Thursday. As I had said when we started fourth year together - we'll help you through thick and thin, but there's no use babbling much here. I'd rather convey my words directly to her. Let us all send our prayers and Al-Fatihah for her father as well as all muslims be them deceased or alive. May Allah repay you. I hope she'll stand as strong as she always do. She did undergo so many tests these couple of years, very patiently.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

left or right?

"Kau ni skemalah", "Tak payah lurus bendul, buat cenggini je", and so on... So many of them, they just lead to one core message - don't be too naive and white lies are okay. I have my reasons for being somewhat too honest at times. Firstly, of course, our Creator. Then there are other accessory reasons, but I would by lying if I say these are my sole reasons. Somehow, everytime I try cheating my way through something, I will either get caught red-handed or end up with something so horrible and terrible, I can never forget them, even when Alzheimer hits me (this is a lie). I'll go through a few incidents.

The first time I tried to skip my religious school - Ayah's friend informed him (kaki repot, booooo!) and I ended up getting beaten by him.

The first time I left the house without picking up dry clothes (I initially intended to come home before Umi did), it rained so heavily and I was stuck in Sunway Pyramid. Itu zaman naik teksi daaa, tak senang nak balik. I got walloped again.

The first time I tried to sneak out of my school just to buy a can of Gatorade (Gatorade... of all drinks :P), my discipline ustaz saw me and he chased me so hard, I had to flee to Subang Parade (which was about 50meters away).

The first time I let my hamster out and slept without putting him back into his cage, arwah Mikay hilang untuk seminggu. Alhamdulillah jumpa kembali tapi dia jadi slim.

And today, the first time I skipped taking a PA radiograph of my patient's tooth when it was highly indicated, I ended up with a fractured tooth (due to very extensive caries), even the lecturer in charge couldn't extract it out via close extraction. The extraction had to be done by minor oral surgery. I should be extremely grateful since it's my first time skipping such important investigation and the periapical abscess was very very small and my block anaesthesia was successful (block anaesthesia may fail in the presence of abscess), instead of getting an ankylosed tooth case as my friend had experienced. But still, as Umi had said, "You always choose the hard way to learn your lessons", indeed, I learned it this time the hard way again. Nonetheless, I should kill this habit once and for all (if I can avoid it). Pesakit ialah manusia. Manusia seperti aku. Ada nyawa, ada perasaan, ada macam-macam lagi. Hari ini, Zahirah, kau sudah melanggar etika-etika yang selama ini kau hormati dan hukuman ini sememangnya layak bagi kau. I will not repeat such mistake anymore :'(

sincere enough?

I don't get the reason a number of people choose to put up a show so that others might not think they're miserable, but that's indeed the most pathetic part.

Monday, December 20, 2010

nauseated (warning - dental and medical jargons ahead!)

I'm not sure what's got into me - either it's a friend's influence or something else, but Sims 3 became my addiction these days, and the worst part of it is I woke up at 10.30am today because I played this darn game till 4.30am! And I missed Prof Sittheeque's oral pathology clinic T_T I feel like doing myself a favour by undergoing electroconvulsive therapy, perhaps I can change my way of thinking briefly, arghhhhhhhhh!! But thank God, I got to the dental school just in time to attend Dr Noor Hayati Abdul Razak's (oral maxillofacial surgeon) clinical session. The thing about missing Prof Sittheeque's clinical session is - he's leaving by end of January since he is currently here as a visiting professor. So I should try my best to learn as much as possible from him, but hey, there I was, dozing off to a stupid dream, letting all those knowledge slip out of my hands just like that! I am very disappointed with myself :'(

AH! There's no use crying over spilled milk, I'll have to put the glass in a covered unbreakable container in a safe position next time. Sims 3 may now be dumped into the recycle bin (nahhh, I'm just kidding. Fiza will kill me if I do so). Tomorrow, there'll be an interesting case in dental operation theater (OT) - open reduction internal fixation (ORIF) of mandible on a patient whom was clerked two days ago, to be performed by Dr Abdullah Pohchi, also our oral maxillofacial surgeon. I wish I can observe the procedure, especially since I have prepared myself a little bit on this for today's ORIF (different case), but a few people kept me busy and I didn't have the heart to just ditch them and dash to OT, so it was already wound suture as I arrived there (near its end already sob...). Again, :'( I even have to pass tomorrow's ORIF since my tooth extraction session shall be tomorrow morning. Dr Abdullah offered me to assist him during tomorrow's procedure, but I didn't have the balls and I've never heard of any senior assisting in the OT during fourth year, so to cut things short, I chickened out. Besides, I have to extract my patient's teeth tomorrow morning, two of them, with super-large caries, it might be a complicated extraction and I had never encountered any complicated extraction case before. Might as well do everything as quickly as possible and run to OT. Oh well... Rushing through everything might not be a good idea.

Nonetheless, this heart is jumping out of joy after doing three tooth extractions yesterday plus a number more during previous oral surgery week. Which means, I have only five requirements for tooth extraction left to be completed by end of fourth year (June 2011) :) Alhamdulillah. But, it took me quite some time yesterday. I began the procedure at 3.00pm and finished at 4.20pm. Which means, I took one hour and 20 minutes to complete three of them, and I really didn't intend to make it such a lengthy procedure since my patient was in her mid 70s. And she was a very nice lady. The head department of oral maxillofacial surgery of Hospital Kota Bharu, Dato' Dr Rushdi invited us to come to his department if ever we feel like practising tooth extractions. How kind of him :) I hope I can fulfill my requirements as soon as possible and practise a few more skills there. Amin.

I read this on a notice sticking on a door in OT, 'Hanya 5 pelajar dibenarkan berada dalam satu operation room pada satu masa'. Surprisingly, yesterday, a person decided to be such a pain in our arses and chased us out from an operation room. "Saya nak dua orang je kat sini. Yang lain keluar", she said loudly. Every personnel in the OT was looking at us. BIG DEAL! Even the specialist, Dr Sarliza Yasmin Sanusi, and the sister in charge, didn't say anything. Is there anything wrong with reminding us politely? We are undergraduates, you don't need to remind us about that, but that is not an excuse for your rudeness. Have some respect towards others, dude.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

mata Nobita tak berspek

My biological clock is now upside down once again, due to reading a hilarious and sarcastic blog by... I can't reveal it here, continuously. Adui gelak sampai air mata meleleh. Not good, not good, son. And somehow, Wani's linked to this lady blogger :P The earth is small. I usually wrap up my revision around midnight, but today, I began revising at midnight instead. The clock struck half past one in the morning and my eyelids slowly drooped and I think... the above picture describes my face best at this time. So sleepy. Time to get some sleep.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

toilet visit

Hm... I'm now seriously considering removing my fibrosed submandibular lymph node. Everytime I get upper respiratory tract infection it grows and stop and that size. Later it'll grow again. And again... and again... (~_~) (muka bosan). Saya ni lemak tak sikit mana (kih kih kih), my double chin doesn't need to be made more obvious. Yiying kata, "Takpelah, nanti jadi triple chin". Hahahahaaaa, kurang asam.

Another mind-bogging health issue - lactose-intolerance. Hari ini saya rasa macam nak tarik katil masuk tandas. I had vanilla ice blended this evening, so you can guess its consequences, can't you?

This morning I did two amalgam restorations - one deep caries management and another one just a simple 4.0mm depth cavity restoration. See, my patient came late, so I started treating her around 10.10am and I finished all restorations at 11.45am. Our clinical session is supposed to end at 12.30pm which means I had another 45minutes to do perhaps another restoration or two more easy ones. I requested to my lecturer, Dr Rabihah Alawi (our prosthodontist), to do perhaps just one more pit and fissure sealant (truth is, I could fit another two more), but, sob... she didn't allow me, because she has to monitor an examination at 1.00pm. She pointed out that having two done were good enough. Ahhhhhh, or else I could've filled another four requirements today. Oh, well, better not rush, isn't it? As long as I can keep up with this pace or maybe be faster in the future and I'll be okay, insya Allah. For tomorrow evening session, I'm planning to do full mouth scaling and a class I amalgam restoration. I suspect this will be yet another case of deep caries management. Might as well prepare a syringe with Scandonest 2%, for pharmacological behavioral management. Bunyi macam fancy, sebenarnya cuma inject bius untuk pesakit tak rasa sakit semasa tampalan dilakukan. Itu saja.

Anyway, I love reparative dentine. Why? Study more on it, son.

Yesterday, we had a knowledge development session with our endodontist, Dr Deepti Saini, who also happens to be one of the prettiest lecturers we have here, on Burs and Handpieces. I always love her lectures and I particularly agree with what she had said before starting with her lecture, "What I'm giving you are just guidelines. Don't be so rigid, okay? Do whatever you think is best and comfortable with". Besides, dentistry is a true hybrid of arts and science. Today, I applied her teachings as much as possible, with a few modifications here and there, and Alhamdulillah, everything improved tremendously. No kidding. And after her endodontic seminar, the previous deputy dean, Dr Zaihan Arifin, gave me 'G+' (U being unsatisfactory, and G means passing it. G is further devided to G-, G, and G+) for all of my pulp extirpations and canal shaping. Alhamdulillah. I can still remember Dr Deepti's gentle advice to me when I was in second year about restorations. Frankly, at that time I was somewhat envious when seeing others progressing easily and Dr Deepti was sitting by my side, observing my techniques. "I think Pickard's Manual of Operative Dentistry might help you", she said when I almost cried. So I borrowed one (until the loan was overdue for more than a couple of years and I had to pay almost a hundred bucks) from the library, but I honestly found the book hard to digest during that time, most probably because we weren't much exposed to minimal intervention (to give treatment as minimal as possible), and all I had in mind was 'Black Class I, II, III, IV, and bla bla bla' - the 'extension for prevention' rather than 'prevention from extending' concept. Therefore, I resorted to reading manuals the school gave us (good enough for a start, but not adequate). And as I started my fourth year, I thought of the book again because I was very worried of becoming a dangerous practitioner (and by this time, our lecturers are continuously emphasizing the importance of minimal intervention), and she was right. The book is superb! If you have the interest and effort, you'll discover the wonders. Beyond words, son. Thank you, Dr Deepti Saini. I hope you can join us in the clinics soon.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

... and you said you want to be a dentist??

Your so-called 'intelligent arguments' are just a few mumbo jumbos made up of unintelligent guesses. You always ask abundant questions which could easily be answered if you bothered to use just a few more percent of that ignorant brain of yours. You consume others' time, you have no idea how much they'd like to kick you out of the group. You just shrug when someone points out your mistake, or even worse, you sometime dismisses others' reminders whenever you do any mistake. Trust us, we're not cheated by all your hypocritical cover-ups. Some said one's true self may be seen when one is sleeping - indeed, your true self is a violent ignorant prick. You even have the nerve to argue back rudely against lecturers' teachings. Who do you think you are? You don't even have 'Dr.' written in front of your name legally yet, and you think you're brilliant enough? For God's sake, dude... you pull an old man's body to lie back when that person was coughing so badly because he's choking, just so you can finish restoring his teeth... or hold on, were you trying to avoid your etching or bonding from being contaminated with saliva? Well, sorry, you just gotta repeat it again, no excuse to kill your patient, nonetheless. You're not even practising safely and you said you want to be a dentist? If you don't change your attitude and kill that huge ignorant ego of yours, think of another job to get instead of graduating as a dangerous dentist. You know... those lecturers are watching us like eagles, don't think you can cheat your way through.

Monday, December 13, 2010

it's more of being amazed (a monologue)

He amazes me - beyond words. Too awesome to be true, no kidding.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friday, December 10, 2010

the roach is dead

The internet is depressingly slow. Might as well resume my 80% completed presentation entitled Dental Health Education for Medical Nurses on Oral Health Importance and write this later, but hwarghhh, the stomach wall is too extended due to excessive gastric content. Serotonin is overflowing my nerves, I feel too sleepy for any activity requiring even a mediocre focus level. So let's just get on with this :P

Incik Zulhelmie and Wani recently said my blog's always about dental stuff. Come to think of it... True that, true that. I can't help it since I even barely get the time to have a decent lunch, what more if I talk about leisure times. Not exactly true, since...

Firstly, I haven't written much about previous raya haji holiday, have I? I got to hang out and sleep over Syawa's house along with Jaja :) Ate at a Korean restaurant named... I can't recall its name, gomennasai! But we all particularly liked its unique ambience, but the food is just... Let's just say, Korean food is not for me, except for the pancakes. So all the best, Quiwan, who nailed a job in Korea (congratulations!!). Speaking of which... the three of us used to be cashiers in Parkson Subang Parade and we're all doing medicine and dentistry now. And there were a few customers who were unacceptably impolite to us. I can still remember their faces and I wonder if they might one day be one of my patients, and if that happens... HEE HEE HEE.

Next is watching Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows Part I movie with Mel! Frankly, I'm not much of a HP movie fan. They just deviate too much from the novel series!! Perhaps because they broke The Deathly Hallows into two parts, hence, less need to cut this and that chapter, and finally, a HP movie that's worth watching. Didn't get to meet Anith during that hols - which I find weird. See, once I'm in USM, I'll almost totally detach myself from Subang Jaya. So if I didn't get to see her during that hols, I might not even contact her until my next hols... but what a horrible friend I am if I do so. Anith, how are you?

And quite recently, my coursemates and I celebrated Jijah's birthday in Restoran Arafah. USM's coolest oral and maxillofacial surgeon, Dr Shaifulizan Abdul Rahman and our outstandingly dedicated DSA, Mr Haryadi, sponsored part of it :) This is one of the reasons I am very glad and grateful to be part of USM Dental School of Sciences. Happy belated birthday, Jijah and Nur Ain Shafiyah Md Ghazali. May both of you be showered with blessings from Allah.

Next, Rias, also a coursemate from a different university - UMS, Yogyakarta, Indonesia, have uploaded our photos during previous tour around Kelantan.

And today, Poisze, Yiying, and I went to KB Mall for lunch (they treated me to Daily Fresh waffle and Secret Recipe Appletiser yay, just for sending them to somewhere 5 minutes away from USM! Thank you, guys!) and we found out two new shops are now open which are Brands Outlet and PDI. Two shops to be opened soon are FOS and Hot & Roll (formerly known as Wrapz)!!!

Oh hey, a cockroach had just entered my room just now. My buddy senior, Alia, killed it gloriously.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A hole

Today, I did my biggest restoration (filling/simen gigi/tampalan gigi) so far. It's as the picture above - blue colour represents the filling and light yellow colour represents the tooth structure left. That's what I got since my patient's previous dentist gave her temporary restoration and the cavity was readily huge. The floor of the cavity even extended beyond gingival margin (the axial wall was so near to the pulp it's already red in colour)! I had to give local anaesthesia to her. I have to admit that I panicked. I dropped a tweezer and a whole syringe (along with it's empty cartridge and A NEEDLE STILL ATTACHED TO IT!!!). Ash jenkers aren't reliable after all. This was my first time of doing a restoration twice! The amalgam (the metal-ish thing used as a filling material) just couldn't be condensed to form the distal slope of its buccal cusp and since Assoc. Prof. Dr. Sam'an Malik Masudi (endodontist) suspected the temporary filling was zinc oxide eugenol (ZOE), I had to restore the cavity using amalgam. If it's composite resin, it'd be way easier and I wouldn't have to remove the sound tooth structure occlusally. I wonder who temporarily filled it with ZOE... Well, anyway, considering composite resin, unless I pack it layer by layer, the restoration will suffer from major microleakage. I'm glad that the restoration was hm... looked pretty :P Poor prognosis, son. Nonetheless, yet another valuable experience gained today. Towards using tooth-coloured restorations!

Come to think of it... although we have gone through only a few conservative dentistry sessions (due to hols and hols and hols :P), I've been getting a lot of somewhat tough cases for a beginner. Yes, the theory is there, but practical-wise... that's just an almost different story by itself. They weren't easy, frankly, but I'm grateful to be able to experience them early :) Alhamdulillah.

Monday, December 6, 2010

oh, energy, where art thou?

I feel somewhat tired today. It had been quite awhile since I last did an extensive research at the library. Perhaps I had overestimated online journals. Now that our field of studies is more converged on matters related to dentistry, online journals related to it are sadly very few when compared to medical ones. Something must be done about this.

On a completely different note...
I feel very tired emotionally too. I wonder why am I willing to put up with all this nuisance, but again... as happened so many times already, there is so much good waiting for me behind that veil of uncertainty. Allah knows best. Nonetheless, I can't expect myself to behave like a robot, I have to give it a break. Let's loosen this grip. Fly :)

I'm in love with the monsoon season. It rains everyday and I love how everything stand out during cloudy days. I wish I will be a dentist and a specialist too as soon as possible, because I'd really like to go for vacations (what???). I had to pass so many trips Umi and Ayah planned (they went ahead of course :P) because I rarely get long breaks and when there is any, it comes unexpectedly which I find rather inconvenient. Oh well, "Berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ketepian, bersakit-sakit dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian", isn't it? Tak apalah tak cuti dan bersenang-lenang semasa belajar ni. Kemudian hari bila dah mula kerja, bolehlah relaks sedikit walaupun masa tu tanggungjawab yang dipikul lain pula jenisnya. Seronoknya pun lainlah jenisnya :)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

the batch shirt after two years of anticipation

I've been busy for the last two days, designing shirt for my batch. Truth to be told, my coursemate, Foo Chay Siang, and I started working on the design about a year ago and as usual, I forgot... and forgot... and forgot... till today, to finally complete the design. It'll be a collared one and that Chinese character was actually drawn by Foo himself and digitalised by me. Quite a decent work, if you ask me wahahah! I wonder if I can have 'PERIO' written below that periodontal probe (the instrument imprinted at the back) and have Dr Akram Hassan, our periodontist sponsoring us. He did say he'll sponsor us if we do so hee hee. Surprisingly enough, I visited three t-shirt printing shops and none of them has grey coloured shirts T_T This isn't going as smoothly as I expected it to be. Well then, I shall head to Rantau Panjang to search for them. Hopefully the result will be a positive one... now that even the price of Ron95 is up by 10cents. It's like feeding the car with GOLD! Ho jeah.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


So yesterday I was on my to the dental polyclinic as usual, about to prepare my dental chair for paediatric dentistry session when I bumped into the dean in an elevator. Gave my diplomatic smile, keh keh, until he turned to me and said, "Ah ha, I read your blog"............................. I seriously thought the elevator had suddenly stopped functioning. "Seriously, Dr???", I gasped! "Yes, I was searching about something and I came across your blog. It was good, keep up the good work", he smiled. I had to struggle at restraining myself from pressing on the 'open door' button repeatedly. I honestly think I wrote lots of silly things here, although I doubt he had the time to read it much... especially posts related to him. Ngeh ngeh ngeh.

A number of people posted in Facebook something about an increment in the price of Ron97 fuel - soon enough. Oh, man, not again!!! I obviously don't fill up Along's Kelisa tank with Ron97, but I do so when it comes to those Stream and Merc at home. Keringlah poket saya. Lepas ni kena mula diam-diam charge patient for treatment di poliklinik keh keh keh. Just kidding. Padahal sendiri mahu belajar :P

A few days ago, Wani wrote on my Facebook wall, "... and sorry asyik kacau kau. still not used to the fact that you're a doc who's busy with patients. -_-". Receiving text messages from her alone is enough to give me a boost for just any day, although I have to admit, I forget to reply back at times. Somehow I tend to enter my reply, then, something comes up and I automatically dump it into draft box. And her wall post reminds me of something too - how did I reach this point? MasyaAllah, thank You for Your limitless blessings. Truth to be told, sometimes thoughts such as, "I don't think I'm capable at doing this", or, "Am I ready for this?" swarm my mind, but if it's not now then when should it be? We can be demotivated at times, but just hold ourselves together and think of what's more important to us. We don't enter a university accepting zero responsibility and we live on others' money regardless how independent we think we are. So rather than drowning myself in miserable thoughts, I'd rather gain my strength and prepare myself better for the future. Ganbatte kudasai, minnasan to Zekkuchan!

Monday, November 29, 2010

C sharp minor

Was it pleuritic chest pain? It wasn't easy to inspire. But this could be just another thought :P Or maybe a perception without a stimulus. Or... an unshakable belief?? I'm not making any sense now :P

So today, I met my prosthodontic patient again - a very nice lady (elegant too!) indeed. And she told me she's now 18 week-pregnant! Subhanallah, what a good news, but truth to be told, my heart felt like it crumbled into pieces when I read the message, because I had her bitewing and periapical x-ray taken a month ago, and that means, it was during her first trimester (X-ray is prohibited for the first trimester unless under special circumstances). So I couldn't help but to hesitate at congratulating her and enquired a lot about undergoing fetal scan, and praises to God, really, praises to God, she said she underwent all the investigations and her fetus is A-ok :') Yes, I did enquire her regarding her pregnancy status before 'shooting' (taking x-ray) her, but she didn't know she was pregnant before last raya haji. This somehow made me think of a radical solution - for all women of child-bearing age to undergo urine pregnancy test (UPT), but I think... this is somehow ridiculous and costly, not to mention, time consuming (the interval between registration and treatment times is recorded for some sort of quality assessment). Besides, the radiation exposure for diagnostic purposes (in this case, x-ray) is way lower than the line drawn to cause miscarriage or affect the fetus itself (as mentioned in Pregnancy and Radiation Exposure article by Dr Robert Brent, 2009). Anyway, I am very glad that I completed a number of treatment plans for her today :) Hopefully her baby will thrive (what a weird word to use, but I know not of other more appropriate word, hoho). Alhamdulillah.

I'm in love with this course, undoubtedly. Just look at my previous posts. You're somewhat right, Mr. Paan :P

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

hand tremor

I love my hands. It USED to be very stable, has very very minimal tremor... until today T_T So I did my first mandibular (lower jaw) tooth extraction today. Thanks to the pretty boy, Yueming, who mocked me when I successfully blocked my partner's nerves but almost failed to target his next, I was excessively anxious to block my patient's inferior dental, lingual, and long buccal nerves (the nerves to be blocked/anaesthetise for extraction of teeth on lower jaw) today, but, "What the heck, just go on with it, Zahirah, you know the theory, did it once before, so why not now? Your patients aren't books, you know", I said to myself and Alhamdulillah, praises to Allah, I did it successfully today :) See, the failure rate of this type of nerve block is 15-20%, so I'm grateful that I haven't became a part of the statistic.

Today also marks my very first time of extracting a tooth without the help of my lecturer. Well... that's not 100% true :P I paused while extracting it as the tooth had extruded halfway because I got exhausted. I said to Prof. Sitthique, my supervisor for today, who's also an oral pathologist, "Prof., I think I am exhausted already, oh my God", my sweat was dribbling down my forehead and he took over for a few seconds until I took it back (because I couldn't bear the feeling of having a lecturer doing my work. I want to learn my lesson) jumping up and down like a popping popcorn, "Aaaaaa, I want to do it, I want to do it, let me finish my extraction, please, Prof, pleeeease". Thank Allah he didn't look at me ridiculously or say anything such as, "Observe the expert first okay". He simply smiled and laughed at me, saying, "Haha, okay, as long as you don't fracture the tooth. The caries is large, and hopefully I don't end up finishing it for you". And yeah, I did okay, no tooth fracture :D But later, I noticed my right hand to tremble abnormally (and I never experienced this effect before). Uh... I hope the effect wears off soon. I didn't expect the patient's tooth to have such large roots. For that specific tooth, its roots are usually slightly more slender than those, but oh well - yet another experience gained :) I'm going to upload the picture tomorrow, insya Allah ^_^

Next week will be a busy one, no wonder I'm feeling somewhat restless. I have a partial/partial cobalt chrome denture design to show to Dr Aida Niza, my treatment plan for my paediatric patient to be approved by Dr Zuliani, and to see Dr Wan Zaripah to ask about last week's dental quiz. I can't believe I totally thought there's no dental quiz for last week. I feel like jumping off this window in front of me, but I worry I might induce an earthquake - if not a tsunami :P

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

balik rumah :D

Today, the roads of Kelate are so so so congested, I decided not to get something to eat. It was so congested that my mood to survey for new laptop was killed miserably. So many people were driving madly just now that I am currently, honestly, thinking of keeping a few bricks in my car, in case I feel like throwing one at them.

BUT! Alhamdulillah, I'm flying home tonight, insya Allah~~~ Sankyu Incik Hanif Genzo for picking me up today T_T My parents won't be home for 3 days :'( Which means I'll only see them for one and a half day. Anith's away for raya haji too. So I had to trouble this guy here. Sankyu T_T

Speaking of which, today, a jack-ass caused me to accidentally spurt out vulgar words when he came to me while I was drawing out some money in KB Mall. "Money or life", with a hand pointed to me. I thought my heart ran out of my mediastinum O_O! Then a few silly thoughts lingered, "Aik, aku draw RM50 je takkan itu pun nak rompak?", and, "Eh, apasal perompak ni kecek ore putih?". Then I found out that it's Mr. Akmal anak Affan. Memang terhambur perkataan-perkataan kesat. Adui... regrettable action.

Friday, November 12, 2010

enjoy the victory :)

The day I made that decision, so many things bombarded my mind. Will they get mad at me? Will they think it's purely due to personal reasons? Will they learn their lessons? Will my studies improve? And most importantly - will I get to find replacements who have great chemistry with me? Although I was somehow disappointed with how things progressed initially, of course, so many more amazing things were waiting for behind that veil. And this time, this very second, I learned that that step I took was not a mistake. Not a mistake at all. And these great talented people are my price for victory - my reward for bearing with ridiculous stuff :)

Right after RBSM, Yiying and I rushed back to USM since we had a performance to make that night. So the line-up was initially Hazwan, Yiying, Anam, and I only, but later as we watched a band made up of second year medical and dental students practising in front of us and I was very sure most of them are able to learn new notes fast, I requested the cellist and drummer to play along with us, and they agreed! :D So we performed three songs altogether - Bila Cinta by Gio, Lucky by Jason Mraz featuring Colbie Caillat, and Pergi by Aizat. For Lucky, the are glitches here and there for the first chorus. Since I haven't had any good rest for a month (not even during weekends) and slept for three hours everyday so that I can study for ward rounds and clinical sessions as well as finishing other assignments in time (but yeah, I am always fashionably late bahaha, but I want to improve this, I really mean it T_T), right after RBSM, my body temperature spiked and my throat was blaring with inflammation. Yaddah yaddah yaddah, here are the videos. Special thanks to my pal, Beh Yewhin for recording these videos for us :)

And this is the second year band that I was talking about, witness their talent for yourself! The line-up was Jiaming (vox), Asyraf (guitarist), Ziyad (guitarist), Sarah (cellist), Syafiq (keyboardist), and Mike (drummer). They performed Angel Theme (from the drama series) and 21 Guns by Greenday :)

Today is Friday and it's yasumidesu! But why am I lazing around, I'm supposed to change my bedsheet. It's there for a week already :P Nanti gatal badan baru nak bising.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


It popped up in my mind out of the blue about my very first dentist (in my memory of course), so I Googled up about him. AND I FOUND HIM HAHAHAHAH! Back in those days, my maids were Hindustan movies junkies so I didn't have any option but to watch them as well. The main actors during that time were usually Amitabh Bachan, Govinda Krishna, Salman Khan, Anil Khan, and a few others and I have no idea who the actresses were. So this dentist who treated me resembled a lot like Govinda, that's why I can recall his face well LOL!!! Note the past tense though, because... oh man, time does change people, especially their physical appearance! Heh heh! What a random topic to write on.

As I had mentioned before, I was scheduled to consult Prof Sitthique, the visiting professor in my dental school as well as an oral pathologist, regarding my submandibular mass. Thank God, he said it's most probably a fibrosed lymph node secondary to previous respiratory tract infections. Hm, that came at no surprise since I get it every one or two months :P Alhamdulillah :) Speaking of which, earlier in the morning, I bumped into him while entering an elevator. He looked at me and smiled, "You're the one who... organised... who... emceed the event, right?", and since I respect him a lot I stuttered, "Ah.. y.. Ya, ya". Indeed as they said, the wiser a person is the more humble he/she shall be. And I find it intriguing that he asked whether I'm from Johore while we were waiting for Kak Nora, the staff nurse in charge in Klinik Pakar Pergigian USM to fill up my radiology request form. I usually get these, "Are you from Penang?", "Do you have some sort of Indian blood in you?", "Are you half Arab?", and yaddah yaddah, but never - "Are you from Johore?". Good guess, although I'm quite sure he didn't make a random guess. Indeed, Ayah is from Johore and Umi is from Singapore.

Speaking of clinics, I had paedodontic clinical session again. I think I performed very badly this time :( Frankly speaking, I didn't study for it this time. Gahhh I have gotten so lazy these couple of days! And Dr Zuliani Mahmood's (our paedodontist) somewhat gentle comments had really given me a boost, Alhamdulillah :) This habit of waiting for someone to actually poke me in the arse before acting should be abolished! Procrastination isn't something to be proud of ya, Zahirah. And I had to face the cranky staff nurse who was in charge of Dental Health Education room. I can't believe she scolded me for questioning about giving a complimentary toothbrush to my patient just because he's oral hygiene score is somewhat undesirable. When I asked Dr Zuliani regarding this, she was surprised. She said it shouldn't have been that way. I feel like getting back to the nurse, but oh well... no good will come out of it :P I'd rather see Kak Nora and just buy one for my patient (f.y.i, to USM students, you can get dental hygiene-related equipments at KPP at very very cheap prices). Leceh betul kerenah birokrasi begini.

Nonetheless, I am very grateful to have such a nice little boy as a patient. I look forward to seeing him again after raya haji holiday :)

Friday, November 5, 2010

hols hols T_T

Yesterday was a memorable one. Fourth year dental students from Indonesia came to our school for elective projects for a week and yesterday was their last day here. A few of us brought them to a tour around Kelantan, well you know what, I'm not really in the mood of babbling much about this. I'd rather upload the pictures instead, but the pics aren't here T_T Waiting for Yantie and Wian to upload them. Anyway one of them, Ika, and I were having a conversation about cars and I suddenly said, "Ora eneng uang loh", and silence followed suit. "Loh, kue iso ngomongei jowo?". Alamak, terlepas sudah. "Hee hee, dikit aja dong". Lama tak cakap Jawa dah sebab selalunya pembantu rumah saya, Kak Jannah, yang temankan :P

Lately, Kelantan has been having unanticipated holidays which I find inconvenient. First thing first, holidays means more clinical sessions to be cancelled. That also means more patients being put on hold. Next, it means losing profits. Uhhh, I wish the Kelantan royal family will be quick at confirming it and most importantly I wish there will be no hols this Sunday :P Besides, Raya Haji hols is just eleven days away.

Anyway, I have an appointment with Prof. Sitthique - the oral pathologist, this Monday regarding my midline submandibular mass. I hope it'll be nothing bad :P Oh yeah, Umi and Ayah are coming over tomorrow! That means ditching my room in Desasiswa Murni and off to Renaissance again tomorrow and the day after :D I need a break anyway (not in the means of hols this Sunday ya). And another thing... the 38th Asia-Pacific Dental Students Congress shall be held in Bangkok, Thailand, but words about USM drawing a quota on participation were passed among us. Harap-harap takda kuota. Alaaa, Dean, jangan le kedekut. Thailand je pun, bukannya Japan macam tahun lepas T_T

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

a hectic day

Today was my first day in specialty clinical posting. Ignorantly enough, I slept at 3.30am yesterday to do some reading on paediatric dentistry (paedodontics) because I had spent too much time on Dental Intervarsity Sports night and Regional (Asia) Biomaterial Scientific Meeting 2010 . Not surprisingly enough, the specialty clinic I'm serving in today is indeed paediatric dentistry. In Malaysia, paediatric patients are those who are in need of special-care as well as those below 18 years old. There is one concept all physicians should hold to in treating a paediatric patient:

Paediatric patient is not a mini adult.

You lose their trust once, do look forward at struggling to retrieve it back. Patience - is the main player in this field. And even so, surprisingly enough, paediatric dentists are usually the strictest one among all dentist specialists. I was so glad when the clock stroke 4.30 in the evening and I couldn't present my very first patient for paediatric dentistry's case to my lecturer, Dr Zuliani Mahmood, since currently kids rarely visit us as they are sitting for examinations. Reason being I did prepare theory-wise, but no, I wasn't adequately prepared for the real clinical scenario. Yes, I remember quite a number of them - tooth eruption chronology, permanent and deciduous teeth anatomy (both are different in so many ways especially the way they react in pathological scenario), the way to fill up a paedodontic dental form, and yaddah yaddah, but since my very first patient for this specialty isn't actually a simple one, I couldn't even properly tailor my treatment plan for him especially since he's a walk-in patient - which means this is his very first visit to us. Nonetheless, I did not regret not getting to present it in time as I hate sounding too ridiculous in front of my lecturers. Well, they said, "There is always your first time for this and that and don't expect perfection from it. It is a learning process", but what I hold to is that there is a limit to everything and to be too unprepared for this one is just... unacceptable - for a person who's going for a course which demands precision and the ability to decide and act fast regardless of the scenario. The ability to do everything 'fast' should be acquired with time as the skills slowly develop, that is what I hold to and openly accept. But first thing first is always to build a foundation that is strong enough to support you till you retire, and mine is currently very shaky. Theory is theory, and it is there to some extent (although I personally think it is still inadequate even for a first-timer), but the clinical part is the one that is very weak. I hope I shall gain experience and improve rapidly with time, insya Allah.

Speaking of which, I'd like to record a few things about my very very very first patient for paedodontics. He is a nine year old Malay boy who behaves very well although his oral condition is not something a first-timer would look forward to. I think... I can do something with this kid, help him improve in many ways, with Allah's will, of course. And Alhamdulillah, I was granted a patient who has a very cooperative and caring mother. So she was eager to bring him again next week and I'm very much looking forward to this :) As I was handing his personal details form to a staff nurse in screening clinic, and as the nurse asked me, "Eh, jolo (betul ke) ko hari jadi dia hok (yang) ni?". "Bakpo (kenapa), staff nurse? Ho (ya) la, hok tu la, satu November 2002. Eh... meta (kejap)... HARI JADI DIO HARI NI LA!!! ", panic at the disco aku. Terus lepas examine dia, cabut lari keluar klinik, start enjin, terus pecut pergi beli kek kejap. Alhamdulillah sempat sedar dan sempat beli sikit buah tangan. That happiness on his face was... priceless, man. And that was his first cake for the day :')

Today, while rushing to see Encik Lah to get my car keys, I bumped into Dr Fazal Reza, a biomaterial in dentistry and prosthodontics specialist. As usual, I just don't know why, I couldn't raise my head when a lecturer is around. Then he looked back at me and said, "Yes, you". "Oh, shit, what have I done this time", I said to myself. "The event was very nice, you hosted it very well", he said. Yes, I noticed him sitting at the front-most row. I blushed and explained that there were so many glitches during the event and we tried so hard to cover everything up, not to mention that it was our first time of hosting a formal event and he replied by saying he didn't notice much glitches (apart from the video error) and thought everything was actually going well. He congratulated me. Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ Buat somersault. Praises to God :'D

Sunday, October 31, 2010

the very packed and eventful week, victory of Kelantan, monsoon season, and fever

So this very eventful week is about to pass in just a few hours time. A really memorable one indeed :)

The first one will be about Regional (Asia) Biomaterial Scientific Meeting 2010 (RBSM) in conjunction with 8th Student Scientific Conference (SSC). Frankly, my heart felt as if it was about to burst when my phase coordinator, Dr Wan Zaripah Wan Bakar, said to me three days before the event itself, "EH! You're not hosting for SSC! You're hosting for RBSM you tahu tak? SSC is considered as a part of this RBSM", because during previous briefing, they told me I would be the emcee for SSC only. From the original script my emcee partner, Yenyen, and I prepared, I honestly think only 30% of it was retained in the end. It was changed so many times with last minute changes, and I thought we would collapse in front of the crowd when there were so many glitches during the event. The Dean, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Hj. Abdul Rashid Hj. Ismail, was so very kind to back us up as we mistakenly announced the VIP who was supposed to give the closing speech (there were incongruence between the event schedule we received and the programme book he received). Nevertheless, when the chairperson of RBSM2010, Prof. Ismail Abdul Rahman came to see us and said, "You did a good job" and, "Saya sayang sangat diorang berdua ni, penyelamat keadaan", we couldn't help but to smile as we were exiting Grand Riverview Hotel. Thank you, Dean, Prof. Ismail, Dr Noorliza Mastura (head of Protocol committee, also phase II coordinator), Dr Wan Zaripah, Cik Suhaila (secretariat), TAVA staffs, Yenyen (for being such a helpful and cooperative emcee partner, and everyone else who was involved.

p/s: We were in frenzy when the Dean kissed Dr Noorliza's (his wife) forehead as she went on the stage to receive an award together with her mentee. Dr Noorliza's blushed so badly! :) And I blushed too when the head of RBSM judges, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Azizah Yusoff said, "Thank you, Z", as she was about to present a report on RBSM on stage. Segan bila peserta RBSM dan SSC tergelak.

Then come the next event which was held on the same day - Dental Intervarsity Sports night. I was told by Iqbal - the person in-charge of performance for this event, that I had to perform six days before the event itself and I'm already handful with my endodontic project as well as RBSM. By the time I found out about it, I was still struggling with my five teeth to finish. Nonetheless, Alhamdulillah, this time, I had great and hard-working people to work with. Apart from my band, there was second year band performing too and I was amazed with their talent. Truth to be told, I was searching for new talents to pass any offer to perform to. So I was searching among health sciences and medical students, and hey, they turned out to be hidden among dental students ourselves! Yay! So I borrowed the cellist (Sarah) and drummer (Mike), both very talented and committed, and together with Hazwan, Anam, and Yiying, we performed Pergi by Aizat, Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat, and Bila Cinta by Gio and it went fine :) The line-up for second year band was a vocalist (I didn't get her name T_T), Asyraf (rhythm guitarist), Ziyad (rhythm guitarist), Sarah (cellist), Syafiq (keyboardist), and Mike (drummer). Thank you, everyone :)

p/s: Do you believe me if I say I had a laptop by my side while I was performing? Haha, yes, I did and thanks, Anam, for informing the crowd my reasons beforehand. Saved me the embarrassment. And Dr. Ramizu Shaari (oral maxillofacial surgeon of my dental school) and Dr. Zaihan (deputy dean of academic for the school) were pointing at me, perhaps because I used a laptop T_T Uhhh, malu gua.

And just yesterday, Kelantan won Piala Malaysia (Malaysian Cup) for the very first time since it was held in 1921. Congratulations, Kelantan! And yayyy, the state government granted us all 'cuti peristiwa' for today (although Tok Guru Nik Aziz made a press statement that no holiday shall be granted even if Kelantan wins but a bonus will be given).

I am so relieved to find out that today is a holiday since right before yesterday's performance, my body temperature spiked. Truth is, I was expecting it. Especially now that musim tengkujuh (monsoon season) is here, it rains everyday and is quite cold all along Eastern Coast. For three weeks in a row, I slept at an average of 3-4 hours so that I can finish all my work in time. And for this week, whenever I finish with my dental work, I had to go for either band practice or RBSM rehearsal, every single day. Sambil ke hulu ke hilir angkat Mr Mikael dan Mr Frontman sebab saya tak bawa Mr. Gitaku ke Kelate. Finally I had a good ten hours of sleep yesterday :) Couldn't even recall my dream, Alhamdulillah.

Starting from tomorrow, we'll be entering dental clinic almost every day (and ward rounds for oral surgery posting) for specialty posting. May everything go as smoothly as possible, insya Allah.

Monday, October 25, 2010

charge on!

Selamat hari jadi, Wani :)

Love you lots, babe. May your marriage be showered with blessings and happiness. Semoga makin chun dan makin chun! Love, from KELATE WHAAHHAA.

Okie, lemme see... what do I have this week:
1. Learn Lucky by Jason Mraz featuring Colbie Caillat on the guitar.
2. Prepare emcee script for Student Scientific Conference which will be held this Saturday.
3. Perform three songs with Anam, Yiying, and Hazwan this Saturday night.
4. Finish my 21, 24, and 36 teeth for endodontics class by this week.
5. Study for next week's clinical session (specialty postings).
6. Study for radiology, surgery, general medicine, and paediatrics MCQ.
7. Emcee the event.

And again, I hope I hope I hope everything will go smoothly. Insya Allah.


I was on my way to Kafe Murni when I bumped into Iqbal who suddenly said, "Eh, Sabtu ni confirmkan?". ??? What on earth, I said to myself. It turned out that I have to perform this Saturday!!!! HWARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! And I did agree when he asked me regarding this last TWO MONTHS! Hope things will go well :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

You know what you know what you know what? I am so in love with dentistry even if it's underrated, tough, tedious, or yaddah yaddah yaddah :D

Friday, October 22, 2010


Title [Total hits] :Rating :Date :01.Gio: Bila Cinta [1325]11/10/2010[ u! ]02.Iwan Fals: Kemesraan [454]26/08/2010[ u! ]03.Misc Unsigned Bands: Malaysian United Artistes - Here In My Home[1499]12/11/2009[ u! ]04.Nitrus: Resah [600]16/11/2009[ u! ]05.One Buck Short: Khayalan Masa[1312]16/11/2009[ u! ]06.Ungu: Andai Ku Tahu [1259]26/11/2009[ u! ]07.Yovie And Nuno: Menjaga Hati [3207]

That's according to Ultimate-Guitar :D
20/10/2008[ u! ]
Thank you, people! :D

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

oh noes

My roommate, Pang Khyun Lee, is having sore throat right now. So she's asleep. I slept excessively yesterday. I rarely sleep at other times except at night, and yet yesterday, I took naps in the afternoon and early evening. My forehead feels very warm. So it's fever fiesta this time. It's blazing hot in noon and it gets very cold during night. It feels like I'm living in Sahara. No wonder everyone's falling ill. Even a postgraduate student who was in the same x-ray room as I was was having runny nose. Respiratory tract infection fiesta, everybody, let us all bathe in mucus flood weeeee~

I need to polish Mr Mikael this weekend. Too many dirts off a few people's hands stuck on him. My previous hunt for microfibre cloth ended with zero result. Aiyo.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I just found out that... oral surgery block is only 12 days away! Yayyyy! And anyway, I was wrong. There WILL be a number of ward rounds left for this year. As far as I know, we need to do ward rounds during oral surgery block. But before that, we'll have to go through biomaterial (currently) and endodontics block.

Had a class with Dr Noor Hayati Abd Razak today on Application of Bone Graft and Material-Tissue Interface. I'm not sure whether it's because she saw me drinking my Nescafe beng (iced Nescafe in Kelantanese ascent :P) during her lecture or what, but she pointed to me when she was asking the reason an ideal bone graft should not be absorbed easily. "What's your name?", she asked. "Yes, Dr? Zahirah". Then she said, "Ah ha, Zahirah, yes, yes I know you", and I freaked out. I couldn't remember joining her class before, but the fact that she became warmer after that, I was relieved. That couldn't be a bad thing... but still, I am intrigued. They said she was one of the examiners during OSCE exam when we were in third year. But my examiner was Dr Abdullah Pohchi (O_o) Think positive, Zahirah :)

I need to cash out a lot of money this week for three textbooks - Intro to Orthodontics by Laura Mitchell, Handbook of Paediatric Dentistry, Endodontics in Practice by Paul V Abbott, and Carranza's Clinical Periodontology. Whoa... whole lot of money, man.

Monday, October 18, 2010

have fun ^_^

Oh, some people just can't let go of the past. Child's play is so boring, it's like reliving highschool life and I don't think that's favourable, well as long as you know God's with you, you know He'll execute his punishments to every single soul. And you know... you can never run from it. Hee hee. And neither can I ;)

Have fun reading this, dear ;D

Tahukah kamu apa keindahan dianiaya? Dari Muadz bin Jabal RA bahawasanya Rasulullah SAW bersabda,

“Ertinya : Takutlah kepada doa orang-orang yang teraniaya, sebab tidak ada hijab antaranya dengan Allah (untuk mengabulkan)”- Sahih Muslim.

Dan kau telah memberiku peluang untuk menghantar doa-doaku dengan hati yang lebih lega. Terima kasih :)

Anyway, today I went to En Rosli's office to check my marks for previous case write-ups. Thank you, Allah :')


The only tone deaf person in the family, looooots of laugh! And he's getting vainer oh :D Well, I miss you, lil genius brother. No more sucking his money out to buy me movie tickets and popcorns in these six years to come. I'll have to wait till next raya to see him.

Ah ha, here's the legendary Dato' Dr Rosemi Salleh - the person who had taught us all so much in such a short time. And the rest are my group members :) You mess up with one of us, and you get all of us messing you up in return ;D We had gone through fights, happy and sad times, so many things together, and yet, here we are, still standing so strong... even against Dato's hilarious but cynical words :D I was unwell yesterday and I couldn't walk upright. So I decided to go to surau and lie there for awhile. Three of them called me. One of them asked me to go back to the hostel and get a good rest. Another one asked me whether I have woken up from sleep. Perhaps she thought I haven't came yet, and when she found out I wasn't feeling well and couldn't sit on a chair without slouching, she too asked me to get a rest. And when Prof. Ismail came to the lecture hall I received messages from them. Thank you, guys :)

Anyway, yesterday, Yiying taught me how to read a music manuscript while we were waiting for our turn to observe ceramic crown sinistering. It turned out that... it's not that complicated. Well there are a few incomprehensible rules, but yeah, it's alright.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

closer to me

Ayah called me today and that's very rare of him. I was wishing these few days he'd call me because my handphone credit had been going down the drain faster than Niagra Falls and he did :) Thank you, Allah. Ayah said to me that I know myself better and there's no use dealing with impossible people, without me complaining to him. He obviously know me better than everyone else. He said that I have been doing well so far and I should know better that I can do better. Again he said that Allah is the one who creates human and He alone has the ultimate power to change one's heart. Ayah asked me to send prayers for the good of others rather than condemning them or troubling my heart with unnecessary problems. This is the beauty of my MDD experience - Ayah and Umi are now more understanding than they were before. Ayah assured me that he knows how hard I've tried, that I don't need to tell him, that he can see it on his own. Umi said she misses me and said sorry for not coming to Kelantan for quite some time, although it had only been a month or so since she last came here. I miss having breakfast with them at Renaissance, when I stack my plate with so many food and they're sitting there, eating so little. But it's buffet! And I had ward rounds to attend after that. Speaking of which... I found club suites in Renaissance to be of terrible quality, considering that it used to be a five star hotel. No wonder they lost one :P I wish they'd revamp their rooms soon.

Well anyhoo, Ayah is planning to go to Aus to visit Wani next year and he asked me whether I want to come along, but, but, father... I don't have a holiday during that time T_T But it's okay, I'll work hard now and insya Allah, I'll get to go for vacations later :)

Speaking of which... I suddenly remember that I have a script to prepare for an event - Regional Biomaterial Scientific Meeting 2010 in conjunction with 8th Students Scientific Conference in Grand Riverview Hotel. I have heard a lot about this event since I was in first year, but... I haven't done an extensive research yet, only read about it a little since the tasks were distributed only a few days ago and life was busy before. So it's only a fortnight away, and hopefully all of us will do our best, well at least currently, we're all positively pumped up, especially since experts from Asian countries such as United Arab Emirates, Brunei, Japan, Singapore, Indonesia, and etc. shall attend the event. And gosh... this is only my second time of emceeing an event, I was quite puzzled when they appointed me. May Allah assist me in this. Amin.
I love my support system ^_^ Alhamdulillah for having them :)

When you're on the right path, you know Allah is with you. And when you know Allah is with you, you know that nothing is impossible now. Have faith!

So today, our dental block starts! No more going for ward rounds this year, I guess :D It's time to start focusing on learning these stuff which shall become our bread and butter soon :) Next week, I'm quite torn at choosing which patient to treat. Will have to decide by end of this week. Ohhh, guilty guilty guilty feeling.

tee hee, they're being played around :)

Oh, I just can't keep my fingers off these people, it feels so fun to play them around ^_^ You post a few words, and their reaction will as currently. You do a few things to them, and they'll amplify their reaction. But as Yiying said, "Pity them".

Saturday, October 16, 2010

with age comes the wisdom

The truth usually hurts more than we hope it'd be. But you know, as ironic as it may sound, the honest one is usually the more reliable one. Although the smooth talker feels better to have a friend... until you finally see the whole picture. Oh well, as usual, if actions and words can't do any good, we can only disagree with whatever that's happening. And although despicable words may float around, you know you always have trustworthy friends by your side. This is the reason one should never be a snob and befriend as many people as one can. Because to find an unpolished diamond among the shattered pieces of glass, it requires a lot of effort and patience, but it's worth your sacrifice. In the mean time, there's no use regretting over what's been done because I now know that I have opened myself up for so much more wonders and amazing things life has for me.

Some things are better left unsaid as Mr Zaidi said :) I'm with you.
Wisdom comes with age.

Friday, October 15, 2010


You know what, in the first place, it had been mine, do you get this? MINE. But you begged me to join it, you freaking BEGGED. And now you're trying to give me commands in my own territory? I'd gladly accept them if they're reasonable, but when most of us disagree with you, should I obey your commands? ZERO CS. Zero common sense. FYI, I already have new people I've been scouting for quite some time, since the day I started to get annoyed with your ridiculous demands and terrible attitude. And you know why a few others pulled out of your circle? You said they disobeyed whatever you said, but the fact is, you're a FREAKING DICTATOR. Just because I couldn't (note the past tense) find others to replace, doesn't mean I can never find one. In case you didn't know, I had found three potential people long long long time ago, but oh, hey, I said to myself, "He helped me with my MDD. He lent me a few stuff", so many times that I'm losing excuses to tolerate you any longer. At this rate, you're killing one of my biggest passions and you're gonna drag me down to that black hole of MDD. So I'm going to say this straight. I don't want to have a dictator who can't deviate even a tiny bit from his norm, a person who twists his words so frequently that I could almost swear you're Sam's son, deluded in your own idea of being in the limelight alone, and trapped in your own inferiority complex that you downgrade others just to make yourself feel better. You. Can. Kiss. My. ARSE. Now get the hell out of here.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Oh bangsaku, bercakap dengan semangat, bercakap juga. Bukankah lagi elok kalau diiringi dengan tindakan? Kenapa selalu lari daripada kerja dan tanggungjawab? Kenapa suka bermalas-malas? Kenapa terlampau kuat berhibur dan tak peka dan tak tahu keutamaan? Kenapa kita terpaksa banyak bergantung dengan bangsa lain? Apabila diberikan sedikit pada bangsa lain, kita kuat melatah. Kononnya, ini negara MALAYsia. Tapi apa yang kau berikan kepada tanah air sendiri? Apa yang kau usahakan untuk tempat lahir nenek moyang kita ini? Kau berani kata kau lebih kuat berusaha daripada bangsa yang lain? Kau berani? Apabila orang kata kita malas, kau melatah sekali lagi. Kau kata jangan disamakan dengan yang lain. Tapi kalau sudah majoriti daripada kita bersikap acuh tak acuh, buat kerja separuh jalan, masakan yang lain tidak berpandangan begitu. Kalau kita sudah ada pepatah, "Kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga", kalau nila itu lebih dari setitik? Malah terlampau banyak nilanya hingga tak terkata, tak perlulah kau mahu sibuk mencarut, memaki yang lain. Tepuk dada, tanya selera. Siapa sebenarnya yang bersalah?

Apabila yang lain kata kita terlampau dimanjakan, kau tipu diri sendiri dan katakan kau sememangnya sudah melalui kesusahan, yang kalau mahu dibandingkan tak sebesar mana pun. Itulah hakikatnya, mahu masuk sekolah, kerajaan sudah sediakan. Mahu masuk IPTA, kerajaan sudah sediakan kuota yang sangat besar untuk kita. Mahu dapatkan biasiswa, pun ada kuota yang besar untuk kita. Semuanya datang dengan senang. Cuba kau bandingkan dengan orang negara lain. Kita memang sudah dimanjakan. Tapi kalau kita tak cuba pelihara, jaga kesenangan yang kita dah dapat, bersedialah untuk lepaskan negara kita kepada yang lain. Dan jangan kau berani mencemuh, mengambil ringan usaha bangsa lain. Usaha mereka banyak menolong kita. Hargailah apa yang kita ada.

Ayah told me this - ada kajian dibuat, setiap keluarga yang senang akan kembali susah dari segi kewangan apabila masuk generasi ketiga atau keempat. Something for us to think of.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sudden withdrawal

I'm currently on my sixth day of living without it, stopped for a week or so, cold-turkey style. But it comes at a price - I'm also on my fourth day of insomnia :( I have been sleeping only two to three hours daily, unintentionally. I tried my best to fall asleep, avoided caffeine seven hours preceding sleep time, turned off all lights, tidied my bed up, worked myself very hard during the day, and so many more. I need it so bad, I'm not kidding :( Not kidding at all.

This is hard... this is very hard. This is harder than my long case exam for general medicine posting.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

nande mondai

Watashitachi wa koibito dekimasen baai, dakara anata no tame ni kanojo hoshiidesu. Atashi wo shiawase ni shiyou to suru hitsuyoo ga arimasen ne? Kono namida o atashi wa iji shitte imasu... maibandesu. Daijobudesu. Zettai daijobudesu na.

kokoro wa itaidesu

Kono koto ga wakarimasen ka. Atashi o kurushimemashita. Moo gaman dekimasen yo, dakara anata o shinjimasen. Ima wa kokoro ga hontouni itaidesu to zettai shitsuboo shita. Kono ikari ga kinookara kyomade mada shinde imasen. Yakusoku o mamorite kudasai yo. Nanda yo...

Saturday, October 9, 2010

i want to pluck those keys right and check their mouth (Karnival Kampus 2010)

Salam and hello, everybody :) For those who will be in Kelantan from 14-16th October 2010, do come over to Universiti Sains Malaysia (Health Campus) because we're holding Karnival Kampus 2010 :) Stalls will be opened, only RM1 for a complete health check up with consultation :) Haunted house and Henna tattooing service will be available too. Performances will be held, and I shall be involved with one of them, to be specific, mine will be at 4pm, this Saturday. Free dental check-ups will be provided as well. I shall provide dental check-ups too, and my sesion will be at 2-4pm on Friday :) It'll be a busy weekend (not to mention that I have a long case exam for general medicine posting this week :P), but I hope it'll be fun fun fun!

See you guys, there ^_^

Friday, October 8, 2010

kurniakanlah aku kesabaran dan kekuatan

Ya Allah, hanya Kau sahaja yang tahu hampa dan sedih hati aku. Kurniakanlah aku kekuatan dan kesabaran untuk menghadapi ujian ini. Tunjukkanlah kepadaku siapa patut aku percaya. Kerana kepercayaanku kepada sahabat-sahabatku kini goyah kerana perkara itu. Astaghfirullah...
Sebab inilah saya tak suka bila orang mengumpat. Khabar yang baik pun jadi buruk apabila disampaikan dari mulut ke mulut. Tambah dengan unsur bias si penyampai, maka banyaklah cerita palsu, fitnah tersirat dalam umpatan itu. Masing-masing mahu masukkan cerita masing-masing lalu porak-perandalah satu kaum. Janganlah kamu buat begini ya. Honesty is the best policy. Kau boleh kata aku lurus bendul sebab tak sanggup simpan segalanya dalam hati jika berasa kurang selesa (annoyed) dengan seseorang itu. Tapi sebab aku rasa mungkin bersikap jujur dengan seseorang itu barulah masalah ini dapat diselesaikan, barulah aku luahkan rasa tak puas dalam hati terhadap tuan punya badan sendiri. Dan kerana itu, sahabat yang aku sayang, bukan aku saja mahu jauhkan diri dari kau. Cuma aku gusar aku tak boleh menahan diri sendiri daripada turut sama mengumpat. Dan kalau kau berhenti mengumpat dan berhenti prasangka terhadap orang lain hanya kerana kau mahu merasakan diri lebih superior, kau akan nampak indahnya mereka. And I am not a good person, wholly. I have my own bad habits, but to badmouth others... it's just despicable.


You shouldn't have done that. You could've just tell me and I'd help you gladly, but now that I found out you're making use of me all along, I really think I should cease communicating with you. What's wrong with people nowadays? Is friendship merely a tool for success now? AH! NOOBS!

But in a less angry tone... I am very disappointed in you. I hope I can instantly feel stronger than I am currently :(

I am hungry. Since I don't gobble on snacks (be it healthy snacks or junkfoods), I don't have any food in my room and I've kept this stomach empty since morning. I'd like to drive to and restaurants, but knowing myself... I speed when I am pissed off. "Very BAD!", as Dato' says it. Well, that's better than having my stomach speed at secreting gastric juice. Three days ago, I observed a oesophagogastroduodenoscopy. What a long name isn't it? It's actually using a camera attached to a tube to look into your throat, then stomach, and finally the first two parts of duodenum (small intestine) for perhaps bleeding, varices (dilated and weakened veins), ulcerations, tumour, and bla bla bla. Well, whatever it is, I am now certain that I don't want to have gastritis (or commonly called as gastrik) at all.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

happiness 101

I don't think I'm the best person to talk about what one should do to achieve happiness, not when I had a history of... hm, you-know-what, but here's a few principles which I hold on in order to stay rational, sane, and more grateful with what I have.

Don't do anything simply for the sake of impressing people. The harder you try, the funnier you might look. Coolness comes on its own.

Don't make promises when you're at two extremes - very angry or very happy, unless of course you know you're mental is stable enough at making a decision - but this too may be a transient delusion for a person in that condition.

Don't think that we're in the worst position one can be. There's always, ALWAYS someone else who's struggling more than we do.

Don't keep pointing fingers at someone else. When you think time is always insufficient, think again - have you been wasting it? If you don't think so, then think whether you do any of these:
i. Take a long time between two activities, a.k.a hastening.
ii. Eat very slowly - if you're an inevitable slow-eater as I am, then shrink your meal portion when you can't afford wasting time.
iii. Sleep excessively - do you take naps? If you've already gotten enough 6 hours of sleep during night (f.y.i, the golden hours of sleep is only 6 and a half hour instead of public's misconception which is 8 hours. We're young adults, we're not freaking primary school students, for God's sake), then you don't need naps. You take one if you can afford it. If you can't, then don't.
iv. Make futile efforts which you yourself know very well it's... FUTILE - i.e You know you need to finish a work, and yet you keep turning on that laptop and try studying while the movie is playing. Now try to recall the previous 6 slides you have just read. If you can, then, once you've woken up from sleep the next day, try to recall it again. Sometimes, one might say that's how one may focus one's mind on the studies, but my theory is... that's how one comfort oneself that one understands every single alphabet or even symbol in that lecture note/article without actually giving much thought about it. In short, that is to SKIP the reality that one may memorise things easily, but to actually grasp a concept, that's the key to the whole article.
v. Layan blues - unless you know you can do something about those dilemmas.
vi. Stop ahemmmmmm hah!

Always remember that our parents didn't send us here merely for the sake of letting us enjoy ourselves. But they hope we'll bring back certificates. And yet, they sure hate seeing us ditching their teachings as well.

Oh well, whatever they are, I'm not going to say I do all these, but I try. Let us all try our best, together okay :)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

open it

Oh hey, here's my surgical wound :D My second molar looks healthy after being freed from the pushy wisdom tooth. I'm looking forward to brushing it now that I can gain access to its distal surface ^_^ Please pardon my extensively filled first molar, it became carious when I was fourteen. Oh what to do, I was too innocent to be true :P


My right lower jaw is slightly swollen and today my speech was slurred because I had to avoid having my tongue grazing against the wound. But the swelling signifies that healing process is taking place :) I did think of wearing tudung bawal today instead of my usual shawl, sadly....... I think I have discarded all my tudung bawal T_T Even my patient laughed at my swollen jaw. Well, at least she laughed instead of frowning. Dato' laughed at me too. As usual, he was nagging at us and laughed in the end, and I forgot about my wound and followed suit until a sharp pain slapped me back to my senses. So I had to excuse myself for awhile and when I came back, I forgot that he usually sits in front of the door and I swung it quite hard, knocked him off a bit. I heard people laughing from inside and saw his shocked but still smiling facial expression. "What's wrong with you? Ha? Restless leg syndrome?", he laughed. Sejak bila pula saya ada restless leg syndrome ni. Tidur pun kaku ja badan.

But today, something disappointing had taken place. Sir, as I had said numerous times before. This is how our curriculum go. Do help us at this. We need as much help as we can get :( But I believe things happen at least for a reason. It's okay :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

a visit to the dentist :)

Alhamdulillah, my minor oral surgery for extraction of tooth 48 (right third molar) went super fine. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dr Hisham :)))

So it started with me waking up late. I slept late the night before because I was very nervous (not exactly afraid though :P). Well, not exactly late, my appointment was at 11am and I woke up at 10.30am. Then I searched for parking in front of our PPSG (Pusat Pengajian Sains Pergigian) bulding for ages! Can't believe at a rate of RM1.00/hour, the parking space is still full (it was not like this before)! "Aku kat Kelantan ke ni?", I asked myself, but this is actually an improvement. Pay a little for so much more :)

As I entered Klinik Pakar Pergigian (KPP), I beamed at Kak Nora (the staff nurse in charge of KPP) and Dr Hisham appeared through a sliding door with a camera hanging on his neck. Having a picture taken during a dental visit is the last thing I have in my mind. But oh well, syok sendiri rupanya, dia tengah ambil gambar procedure lain. LOL! Then I was told to get a drink because I haven't taken anything that morning because... I was... NERVOUS AGAIN. Haha.

Came back and he draped me. The scariest part of this operation must be when he covered my eyes with the draping cloth! The rest was A-okay :) I just hate the feeling of being totally out of control, that's why I hate not getting to see everything or feeling my own jaw. When he anaesthetised my nerves, obviously my right lower lip was numbed as well. I couldn't stop thinking of piercing it. Yes there were clunks here and there, screeching sounds as Dr Hisham cut through my bone, and the generally dreaded buzzing sound of the cutting handpiece as he was resecting my third molar in order to extract it easier, but I felt sleepy and rather calm throughout the operation. No palpitation or significant increase in heart rate. "Hey, this isn't bad. This isn't bad at all", I told myself. But after the anaesthesia wore off, my right jaw gradually feels pain, but I'm too lazy to eat painkillers although he prescribed me celecoxib, a selective COX-2 inhibitor. Nonetheless, he was kind enough to give me 3 days of MC! Weeeee~ but knowing myself, most probably I'll still attend Dato's seminar and follow-up certain patients, but I'll resume my rest after that. Hopefully my jaw won't swell much tomorrow and hopefully no infection will occur since I have a long case general medicine exam next week. A fever would be undesirable. So keep on putting clorrhexidine on the wound as well as taking my metronidazole antibiotic (Flagyl).

Speaking of which, my group members and I met a very very kind medical officer in ward 9, HRPZ II. He has just came back from Ireland and was kind enough to teach us so much. I couldn't welcome his generosity more since we're currently facing problems with long/short case teachings. Thank you, Dr :) I haven't known your name yet, and it's not good for a student to not know a teacher's name.