Sunday, January 17, 2010

don't hand me a gun right now

I cried when I saw my hamster eating her babies. I cried when I saw Danish's (my late rabbit) tumour. I cried when watching a video about Canadians hitting seals alive just to capture them. I have a large packet of Whiskas cat food on my shelves. I have a large packet of kitten powder milk that is specially formulated to be suitable for both kitten and adult cats. I used to keep hamsters which I bred from a couple of them initially to 27 of them. I used to keep rabbits which I bred from a couple of them initially to 14 of them. I used to have a lot of fish which aquarium was cleaned numerous times by me despite having to struggle with worms that kept breeding in its decorative stones albeit being cleaned again and again. I have cats at home. I secretly threw a few pieces of chicken to my neighbour's dog when seeing it being neglected. I dare not squeeze an ant. I only blow them away. I don't kill any animal unless finding myself seriously harmed... but that has changed :'( Today, I did something accidently... something that I had condemned on for so long already. I rolled over a cat. I ROLLED OVER A FREAKING INNOCENT CAT!!!!! Someone should really roll over me right now. I heard the sound of its body bursting. The cat was black and white in colour. I was driving abnormally slow - 70km/h on a road with a speed limit of 90km/h, from Kubang Kerian to Pengkalan Chepa. I hit the brakes slightly as I saw the cat and it stopped just in the middle of the road. Since there was little movements made by the cat suggesting it'd cross the road at any moment, I revved the engine a little bit and suddenly it ran towards the border of the road and..................................... :'( Tak patut aku panggil diri sendiri animal lover. Tak patut :'((((((( Menangis sampai air mata darah pun perkara tu dah terjadi. My younger brother, Ahmad, who was sitting beside me tried to cool me down by saying, "Kau kena percaya qadha' dan qadar", "Kucing tu memang hitam tak berapa nampak pun", "Kuching tu pun pergi cross, itu yang panggil kucing tak reti bahasa. Kalau kau tak langgar dia hari ni, esok orang lain langgar dia", and many more, but still... you have to understand how much I care for animals. I once pulled a kid I didn't know away from a cat just because he was kicking a pregnant cat in the stomach. Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Aku tak mahu telan alprazolam lagi. Amnesia yang aku alami sangat menyeksakan. Aku tak mahu hilang long term memory pula. Ya Allah, tenangkanlah hati aku kali ini. Maafkan dosa aku :'(((( Benar, aku tak sengaja, Kau Maha Mengetahui.

7 comments:

sabya said...

i lost my fav cat with its stomach burst out on the middle of da 4A road 2 yrs ago. It saddens me until today, but i guess sumtimes things happen for a reason kan, its not ur fault.. ta sengaja.

mel said...

relaks beb. i pun penah. kitten pulak tu. oh and btw, u ran over a squirrel too the other day with me remember? that wasnt so baaddd

zahirah ardy said...

T_T Sabya, arghhhhhhhhh!

Mel, yg squirrel tu cuma boleh dengar 'gedebuk' camtu je and yg tu memang i hampir stop betul. yang ni boleh dengar benda tu BURSTING FREAKING BURSTING!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

hanazawa said...

wuuuu~ sebak plak baca...:(

zahirah ardy said...

itulah. aku tak sangka aku akan jadi pembunuh kucing yang selama ini aku kecam :'(

Mus said...

chill2...ajal kucheng tuh..kt juz alasan jew tuk benda tuh terjadi..

Elly Elinna said...

mus, kucheng ke kucing? -_-"

z, bawak bertenang and bersabar ya. percaya ngan qada' dan qadar - dipetik dari Mat, ur bro.