Tuesday, January 12, 2010

thank you for who i am

"Tidakkah manusia itu melihat dan mengetahui, bahawa Kami telah menciptakan dia dari (setitis) air benih? Dalam pada itu (setelah Kami sempurnakan kejadiannya dan tenaga kekuatannya) maka dengan tidak semena-mena menjadilah dia seorang pembantah yang terang jelas bantahannya (mengenai kekuasaan Kami menghidupkan semula orang-orang yang mati) (Surah Yasin, ayat 77)".

Kepada insan yang telah menjagaku, mendidikku, dan mengorbankan haknya sepanjang hidupnya untuk aku...

Selamat hari jadi, Ayah (30th Dec 2009)

Taken from Elly

Ya Allah... how long had I left this blog? Add a day to it, and a fortnight it will be. Ah, who cares, let's shift to the next topic. Just as it had been for the past few years, once again, I had entered Pertandingan Pentomim dan Nasyeed Minggu Penghayatan Islam (still going on now :D). As usual, I was in charge of the nasyeed component of batch 08/09 of MedDen (medical + dental = medden haha) students. To be honest, things didn't go very well and I was mad right after our performance due to many reasons (especially in technical aspect), Astaghfirullah. However, later, numerous ideas popped up in my mind and I know that I'm ready for whatever that will come. Whatever it is, next year will be our year of glory, insya Allah (although I think every year is a glorious year). Thanks to those who had worked their arse off for the performance :)

9th January 2010 marks one of Wani's biggest events in her life (so do mine. She's my only sister after all) - she is now engaged to Syafiq Zakaria :') Finally, Wani, the one who had been whining about herself being single while her friends enter marriage life, one by one, is about to join them. I'm not good at showing my affection, but yes, I love my sister a lot and since I worry that whatever I do might trouble her (as it had been a long time ago), I tend to restrain myself from saying or doing too much. I almost dropped a tear as Syafiq's mother put on the engagement ring on Wani's finger, but, successfully stopped myself by forceful inspiration. The reasons being letting someone who I honestly don't know very well to take care of Wani (apart from Ayah) and that day was the last day of seeing her before she flies to Australia to further her studies. Semoga Wani dan Syafiq selamat berkahwin pula seterusnya dan berjaya dunia dan akhirat.

"Demi sesungguhnya! Kami akan menguji kamu dengan sedikit perasaan takut (kepada musuh) dan (dengan merasai) kelaparan dan (dengan berlakunya) kekurangan dari harta benda dan jiwa serta hasil tanaman dan berilah khabar gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar; (Iaitu) orang-orang yang apabila mereka ditimpa oleh sesuatu kesusahan, mereka berkata: Sesungguhnya kami adalah kepunyaan Allah dan kepada Allah jualah kami kembali. (Surah Al-Baqarah, ayat 155 & 156)"

Selanjar 3 Perubatan exam is only 18 days away and as I type these words, my fight and flight response is more intense than it was a few minutes ago. I really wish I'll pass this exam with flying colours (as well as other papers) and perhaps I can say this, "I have MDD and chronic PTSD and yet, I can still face the challenges of life", and somehow fire up others. I had lost a few friends, I had gained a few true friends. The former had my spirit crumbling into pieces and no, it wasn't easy to glue them back together. Even if I succeeded in gluing them back together, it may not look or function the same... and at this point, I had decided - I must fight and defend my sanity. "Buat baik berpada-pada, buat jahat jangan sekali", and so the saying goes. In the mean time, I'll have to hold to some part of that saying. Sememangnya, tak semestinya perkara yang kita benci adalah tidak elok bagi kita dan sebaliknya. I used to enjoy the company of a few people, but rather than committing more sins and too dwelled in 'perkara yang mengalpakan' as well as hurting myself more just to make others happy unnecessarily, I think it's wiser for me to behave and think more maturedly and get out of my little cozy cocoon. Besides... I honestly think I'm one of the major factors of our break down. It takes time to adjust to changes, you and I do not need to force ourselves to suddenly swallow them at a time or else you'll end up suffering the same thing I suffered. I care for you guys as a friend, and for that... let's change for the better slowly. Patience pays, insyaAllah. Allah is all-knowing, indeed.

Well, anyway, I finally achieved my target of doing 50 sit-ups per day today!!! Although something weird happened while I jogging - at first my hands felt cold, then my veins started to appear congested and dilated. Next thing, all I knew was my whole hands turned into purplish blue colour and red next!!! 'Twas painful. I secretly suspect (now that I'm telling this here, it's no longer a secret, d'uh) I was experiencing my second Reynaud's phenomenon episode. Yes, it happened before. Next target - 70 sit-ups. Waduh, waduh, lemak gw banyaknya ora tanggung.

Thousands of apologies for the super-long post! Nevertheless, wassalam :)

p/s: Wani, sorry aku lack betul gambar Ayah yang elok-elok, curi gambar lu wahaha.

1 comment:

Fær.han/Unown F/Gyan said...

Oi tak ajak~! =p

Welcome back!