Sunday, January 31, 2010

Tok Abah, semoga gembira di sana, insyaAllah, setiap yang lahir pasti akan mati. semoga kita berjumpa kembali dalam keadaan yang baik.

This will be a long post. A tribute to late Tok Abah.

He was a fighter and of darah ningrat (Raden) from birth till he returns to the Ultimate Creator. He was a kind hearted grandfather who spoilt me because apparently he found me to be the kindest one in the house (sebab saya ja yang slalu ada di rumah. Kenapa lagi?). He was a great and loving father who brought up 5 children who grew up well... so well, I'll have to say. He was an obedient servant of Allah. He was a teacher to so many people - his wives, children, grandchildren, greatgrandchildren, and so many others whom I know not of. He forever and ever will be my Tok Abah.

It was around 3.45am. I suddenly woke up despite already fell into deep sleep around 12.00am. After my MDD had entered remission, I no longer experience insomnia, hence, rarely waking up in the middle of the night. I sweat quite a lot, for some reasons, but fell asleep a few minutes later. Ayah tak bagi bangun tengah-tengah malam tanpa sebab munasabah - such as study. 4.11am, a message came in, sent by Along. The content was, "Tok abah dah meninggal. Pkl 4 pg. Along.". The same message was sent to Ahmad. The fact that Ahmad and I were the only ones to not able to attend Tok Abah's funeral was very heartbreaking.

Nevertheless, I only got to read the message after Ayah gave me a call which was at 5.27am. "Assalaamu'alaikum. Dah bangun? Dah baca mesej Along?", he asked. "Tak, Ira baru bangun tidur. Kenapa ya, Yah?". Ayah paused and later said, "Hm... Tok Abah dah meninggal pukul 3 pagi lebih tadi, nak dekat pukul 4". "Huh??", (I'm not allowed to use 'hah', 'eh', 'hm?', 'ah', or anything of their equivalence. Anak aku pun tak boleh cakap macam tu nanti :P) I splurted out. "Dah... kita doakan supaya Allah ampunkan semua dosa Tok Abah... semoga Allah merahmati roh dia. Baca Yasin untuk dia... pergi solat...", and he went on saying a few more things which I couldn't recall because I was too distracted at that moment. As I hung up the phone, a few drops of tears went down my cheek. Macam- macam cuba aku buat untuk kebaikan bersama selepas itu. Hati tetap gundah walaupun redha dengan ketentuan Allah.

Last raya was my last time seeing Tok Abah. He was very thin. Way thinner than he was a decade ago. Ayah asked me to massage Tok Abah's hands and legs. Alhamdulillah his vision was so affected that he can only see light and nothing more than that, or else he would've been able to see my tears at that time. His hands and legs were very cold. His muscles were so wasted (a term in medicine to describe a shrinking muscle).

"And he whom We grant long life - We reverse him in creation (weakness after strength). Will they not then understand? (Yaseen : 68)"

I no longer find massaging him tiring as I did a few years ago. I was taken aback as Tok Abah suddenly joked in Javanese language. The older he got, the more he spoke in that language. Yes, this Javanese blood running proudly in my blood vessels came from his side, masyaAllah. As I bade him goodbye and visit Tok Mak (Ayah's side) next, I said, "Tok Abah, insyaAllah, kalau umur Ira panjang, jumpa lagi raya depan atau awal sikit...". His reply was, "Aku rasa aku tak sempat dah raya tahun depan. Aku dah tak kuat dah... Dah tak kuat dah...", which left me restless as I drove the rest of my siblings to Tok Mak's house.

Frankly, this news was already anticipated. A few days ago, Umi told me that she's on her way to Johor Bahru to see Tok Abah who was ill at a hospital. As I called Umi, I found out that he was already experiencing end-stage renal failure (ESRF). His legs were oedematous (swollen) and he vomitted a lot - which indicated signs of metabolic acidosis, a complication of ESRF. His consciousness was impaired too. God willed it... Tok Abah was almost 90 years old, therefore dialysis was not an option for him. He wouldn't survive such invasive procedure. All the docs could do were to lessen his pain and let things be more comfortable for him. I continuously sent prayers to Allah for his death to be as smooth as possible, but of course, even Rasulullah (peace be upon him) described the pain he felt during his dying experience was as if a silk was being pulled through torns. I prayed for lots more... and Alhamdulillah, Allah granted my wishes. He was in pain for such a short time and left to see his Creator. May Allah bless his soul, forgive all of his sins, and anything that is good for him. May his soul rest in peace. Al-Fatihah...

For unknown reasons... the same thing happened when Tok Ayah (grandfather on my father's side) passed away. His departure was quite unexpected due to some reasons and my family and I were in Sabah for vacation. At 3.30am, I suddenly woke up despite the comfortable and calm surrounding during that time. About 10minutes later, right before I fell asleep, I heard Ayah answering his phone. Next, Ayah called on me and asked, "Ira tak tidur ya?". "Tak. Tadi terbangun tidur. Tak tahu kenapa". "Hm... Tok Ayah dah pergi...", he said. His voice was on a faint vibrato.

Both incidents may be because I was quite close to both of them. Berapa kali kena bantai dengan Tok Ayah. Nakal sangat... Macam-macam Tok Ayah ajar - memancing, parut kelapa, cabut sabut kelapa, buat ketupat (tapi yang ni tak berjaya sampai sekarang :P), cara nak kenal pokok ubi yang dah masak, dan banyak lagi kemahiran untuk hidup. Ayah's McGyverish skills came to no surprise then. Sepanjang Tok Abah duduk di rumah kami pula, dia selalu bagi duit, borak-borak dalam bahasa Jawa yang aku selalu iyakan sahaja, ajar aku bahasa Jawa, kena tendang dengan belon strawberi oleh aku (masa kecil ya), jaga aku masa aku demam teruk plus diarrhoea di rumah arwah, kerusi roda dijadikan mainan oleh Ahmad dan aku, dan macam-macam lagi. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh datuk, nenek, dan moyang-moyang kita dan mengampuni dosa mereka... Amiiin.


izzati kmns said...

Salam. Your post is so beautiful. I cannot use words the way u do. I lost my Embah Lanang 4 days ago, 30th January 2010 around 5.30pm. Semoga kedua dua Embah Lanang dan Tok Abah berehat dan gembira di sana. Aminn.

zahirah ardy said...

Izzati Kharir ke ni? makasih... walaupun kalau read them more carefully, grammar sepah2 ja. masa tgh emosi kan... haiz. ang takda blog ka?