Sometimes I just think I'd be better off dead and poof disappear. Perhaps she'll know her position by then. I'm trying my best to convince myself that Allah has His own ways and this is yet another chance for repentance. But I feel lost sometimes too, just as other Adams n Eves and today is just another sad day for me. Well, just as written in the Quran. Allah does create things in pairs and in this world, this sadness shall be the passage to so much more happiness, Wallahua'lam. Have faith, Zahirah.