Wednesday, June 30, 2010


It's not a big deal for others but it's a big deal for me. I'm entering my sixth day of surviving without Al-Fakher T_T Sad...

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

chendol mm hm!

I woke up relatively earlier today, just to find out that my nose was bleeding. Panic at the disco terus. My body temperature spiked and as usual, when you get flu, your head feels as if it's going to explode, I had no option but to see Dr. Jeya, the owner of Klinik Surgeri Jeya which is just nearby. It had been quite some time since I last saw him, I've been seeing docs who were doing their locum service in that clinic and frankly, they treat me differently (in other words, I don't like them). "Your flu is very bad, all your sinus is congested", and I had to take about 7 medications - which I dislike, except for the cough syrup. I had to be careful or the virus might spread to my lungs, a complication Dr. Jeya is always worry about everytime I come up with flu, judging by my past health (badan besar tapi imuniti macam baragas). I'm not sure why, but Wani and I tend to fall ill, except that my case is usually milder than my sister's. I'm the only one in the family to be infected by varicella zoster virus three times already. Perhaps because Umi didn't breastfeed me for long due to health reasons. It was only for 2-3months, but as usual these sort of things are multifactorial in nature. Oh yeah, speaking which, do you know how good cough syrup tastes? Used to take them discreetly when I was in kindergarten and primary school especially since the adults in my house don't usually finish their medications heh heh. I don't do it anymore now that I know one may get addicted to it. It was a funny sight though to see my uvula as long as the diameter of a 20cents coin. Macam.......... hm...... kelawar warna merah jambu pun ya juge.

Nonetheless, here I was, gobbling on chendol and rojak. This is a skill I have never trained myself to learn - I can always eat and the appetite is always there despite how sick I am at a time. Beat that! I had to buy them because holiday is about to end in approximately four days. Gotta make the best out of these four days. Since Ayien and Daus have already graduated from USM, each one of them holding the title 'Dr.' proudly, I honestly think it's going to be extremely tough to find anyone in USM who's interested in playing heavy songs with me. Jadi walaupun Dr. Yunhao Mong kata, "Eh, you kan apprentice Ayien?", hati saya tetap berasa sedikit sedih. Anyhoo, will be jamming with Ariff, Kamal, Hanif, and a new-comer, Syafiq 'Agot' this Friday (and yes, my flight is at 7.00am the very next day). I couldn't bear this intention of writing down his name as 'Fagot' and I was scolded by Hanif. Vocalist kesayangan dia, but bear in mind, I have no ill intention - not my usual self eh? So I'm supposed to learn three more songs in a couple of days (yay now that the trip to Penjara was over, I'm a free Willy for a few days so instead of 4 hours to learn about 6 songs, I now have 48 hours to learn only 3 songs yayyyy) - Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin, Almost Easy by Avenged Sevenfold (A7X), and Look Alive by Incubus. We have jammed Afterlife and Gunslinger by A7X, Nice To Know You by Incubus, Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings, Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls, and a soundtrack of Naruto - The Raising Fighting Spirit (which is a fun song!). Apart from Check Yes Juliet and Love Drunk (both are punk rock songs, you can't expect much) the bass riffs of the rest of the songs are fun! Cured this hole in my heart (gahhh).

You know what am I really really really supposed to do now - revise a number of dental subjects, but I don't even bring a book home, not even one sheet of paper. Nothing, nadah, zilch!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Well, hello, hello, my monthly flu is here. Of all 31 days in the month of June, my body chose yesterday to succumb to these 'microculprits'. Nonetheless, that wasn't the reason I saw the cute Chinese doc yesterday. I decided to put an end to this constant pain on my shoulder. Setiap masa pun mahu rasa panas dan menyucuk di bahu, eden jadi bongang. So that doc was surprised that the previous one who checked my shoulder refused to give me a referal letter for it to be scanned. Alhamdulillah, he gave me one yay! He said the pain is not supposed to last more than a few weeks, but it's already almost a year, and this sensation seems as if it's here to stay. He suspected something is wrong with my shoulder girdle hence referred me to orthopaedic dept of HUSM apart from having me under muscle relaxents. Sonang eden nak tido. Ayah wanted me to go to SJMC tapi tak dapek nak nolong, satgi balik Kelate nk buat follow up gano? Well anyway I hope nothing's serious. Saya selalu ada jodoh dengan penyakit, tapi Alhamdulillah penyakit yang remeh saja :D Jeah, harap2 tak perlu sakit bahu lagi selepas ini. Painkiller berlambak, tapi aku tamau makan. Kemudian hari ginjal gagal angpa baru tau. Setakat sikit, tahanlah, sis.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

mana-mana pun tak boleh

To amaze me and to impress me are two very different things. I am easily amazed but I am rarely impressed and those who succeeded at doing so weren't usually trying to. So be cool, aight, there's no need to rush. You don't need to try so hard.

When one overestimates oneself, it gets annoying. I am like this, don't think so highly of yourself. I love making friends, meeting new people, I don't go for more (if you know me well enough you should know). They cause each and every strand of hair on my body stand up just at the thought of it.

Talking of which, I went to Castle, Kampung Baru, the day before yesterday, along with Kishie, Fifi, Izzi, Anith, Dome, Jaer, and Syabil. I had forgotten how long have I not spoken to someone so openly. Thanks, Kishie (her aunt gave her a keyboard, yayyyyyyy, boleh gabung boleh gabung dengan bunyi Mikael tee hee) :) It helps to talk without arguing sometimes, because where I come from and where I'm studying, continuous debates seem to be inevitable. I can't bear doing that 24/7, I've gotta be honest at that. Allah didn't create us with different skin colours, thoughts, and etc. for nothing. But a few arguments here and there are alright, I guess.

And most importantly... I now know a few people are having similar thoughts to mine. I'm sane then. Ah ha! :D

Friday, June 25, 2010

say yes


in this case... sonly love? hm?

Umi's flying to China tomorrow, 5.00am, but those involved in the same course she's about to take are required to arrive at KLIA by 2.00am. As her responsible driver during this hols, I'm sending her to KLIA along with one of her friends. I went to SS15 Subang Jaya to pick her friend, Aunt Fiza, up. I saw her second son first and he was tearful. What's up, kid, I said to myself. As I shook Aunt Fiza's hands, her son came to me and shook my hands too. He said, "Kakak... Kakak jaga mak saya baik-baik ya", while sobbing. I didn't know how to react. I just smiled at him. That's a good kid there, I thought. "Semoga kau membesar dengan baik, budak". Susah nak cari anak mithali sekarang. Senang untuk cari anak yang macam mithali. Peringatan untuk diri sendiri.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

hari ini...

... sangat sejuk. Saya mahu ambil baju lebih dalam bilik, tapi lipas ada di sana. Saya mahu ambil selimut bilik atas berkunci, bilik bawah ada lipas lagi. Akhirnya, di sini juga saya, duduk di ruang tamu sambil dengar lagu Like Light To The Flies oleh Trivium dengan harapan boleh membantu memenuhi kesepian malam ini, bulu roma yang sudah tersedia sikit dan pendek sehingga hampir tidak nampak sudah tegak berdiri. Mengikut sebuah kajian saintifik, perempuan yang dibiarkan dalam cuaca sejuk lebih-lebih lagi menggeletar berupaya membakar lebih kalori daripada sebaliknya. Saya harap saya boleh hilang sekilo berat badan hari esok.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

it's here

Surat dari Penjara sudah sampai yayyyyyyyyy, Alhamdulillah!!! Ok thank you.

lots of support

"It's good to be outspoken, but it's not good when you don't know which thought to be kept to yourself and and which one to be told", as Umi taught me. "Sentiasa ada orang yang lagi susah daripada kita, Ira, lagi dalam kesusahan", as I tearfully tell my problems to Ayah on the phone. My two main supporting pillars in this little life - Umi and Ayah. The people who taught me a lot especially when it comes to the skills of life, religion, and so many more it's impossible for me to write every one of them down.

So I live in a society which is made up of so many people who disregard religion a lot, I'm not going to lie about that, but yeah, we're all trying our best hopefully. But I find it disturbing to see this trend of thinking too much with common sense instead of having the Quran and the Sunnah as guidelines. Nevertheless, "Kalau orang tak nak dengar juga, tak perlu bergaduh dengan orang cetek akal", Ayah said to me once. I didn't understand that statement before but as I grow up, everyone around me grows up too and perhaps misunderstood the real definition of 'maturing' as making own decision and thinking in ways that sound good personally when in fact they have not considered much options - I finally understood him. Our mind learn continuously even while on the deathbed, and for that, never assume one is always right in every single issue. If you want to learn about music, you learn from a music teacher, you don't just listen to a CD. If you want to learn about Islam, you see an ustaz, you don't just accept whatever the tabloids and mass media are trying to tell you about Islam. If you want to learn about life, you learn from the One who created life itself - Allah. You can't see Allah, but you can read and learn Allah's words - the Quran and Allah's messenger's words - the Sunnah. An ignorant mind might think of this entry as "These aren't relevant for today's life", and yet that very mind can never challenge even 0.11111% of Allah's boundless knowledge, so who are we trying to fool actually?

Well on a slightly different note, I just realised something. What was I trying to do? I was trying to convince a bunch of people when the person who needed to be convinced the most has always been myself. For a start, I do lots of things for others so if I isolate myself from them, it's me who'll feel more at ease and it's them who'll struggle to keep up with the things I had already left. Yes, I know it's a give and take situation, but when it's too hard to bear, one has to know when to let go. Besides, it's not as if my support circle is tiny, and each person in that circle has their own uniqueness. "Patah tumbuh hilang berganti", ah ha!

Monday, June 21, 2010

i think i'm about to transform into Hyde

As usual, the pain on my left shoulder peaks during midnight - early morning. Sampai tak dapat tidur eden jadinya. Saya rasa macam nak mengamuk dan mencabut terus tulang kapak (in other words - the scapula) dan balingnya ke arah beberapa orang seperti gaya Rayden dalam permainan komputer Mortal Kombat. Will I be like Dr. House one day? - Stuck on Vicodin? If this doesn't stop, I'll have to turn to the 'pain-kidney-killer' soon. I'm getting crankier by day because of it. Menangis pun takda guna.

Well anyway, yesterday I tried learning new techniques of playing electrical guitar. Oh have I told you I named my very first electrical guitar Mikael? No fancy names for it, really, the name of the model is already Paul Reed Smith Mikael Akerfeldt SE. My Fender Frontman 15R amplifier is named Mr. Frontman. My Irene Admira classical guitar is named Gitaku ('my guitar' = 'guitar aku' in Malay language), just a wordplay. Okay, back to the main topic - er... I don't feel like writing anymore.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Doc, since the accident, I have been experiencing pain sensation on my left shoulder, especially my shoulder blades. Days pass and the pain intensifies slowly. Doc, when I consulted you a day after the accident, I hoped to get a referral letter to have my shoulder x-rayed, but you brushed me off and even said I worried too much, but Doc, with these 2 hands am I going to serve so many people, with Allah's will. You even performed God-knows-what-sort-of-musculoskeletal-tests on me (which you had to call a friend to ask on what you should do with me), which costed me a great deal of doubts on your credibility, even if I put aside your faulty tests. I intended to keep everything to myself until this very second as I am more and more reminded of your stuck up and trying-to-be-cheeky attitude and gestures towards me and I'm here still in pain. I'm gonna see someone in the private industry (surprisingly you're the first government doc that treated me in such way. You even misdiagnosed me - TWICE out of my 3 appointments with you)and hopefully get the help I should've gotten from you and if it's needed, I'll file a complaint against you. I don't want to drag you down but at this rate with so many people complaining similar things... It may be needed. I don't think anyone in this field of healing arts (any field that contributes to ensuring the well-being of a human) may be a snob because each one of us will always learn new things from one and another. And this morning, I'm quite much... In rage.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

you're talking shit

Yes, parasuicide and suicide attempts are sinful, stupid, and selfish acts, but they don't need 'you' to say it to the world they're doing 'kerja bodoh' because that makes the very reason they'd rather resort to other options than seeking your help for their own good. Because one will think every doc is too judgemental. Condemnation is never a good persuasion method. Even my own certified docs have never said such thing to me and you, as a doc-to-be should never have talked about it in such manner in the first place. Have more compassion and sensitivity.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

in ter net

Streamyx is being a bitch right now. Thank you.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

good one in the meantime

Iwan had his shoutout saying, "Single is simple, double is trouble", and I second that... in the mean time. I think I already have lots of things to deal with currently and I don't think adding unnecessary load on my shoulders will do much help. Single life feels good right now and perhaps one day I'll change my mind but not in the nearest time, I guess. And I worry my habit of befriending guys more than I do with ladies gets misunderstood. Oh well.

Friday, June 11, 2010

never a payback

Today, I was suddenly reminded of him who I had lost for quite some time already. A warm tear trickled down my right cheek. 'Tit!' I quickly pressed the rewind button seeing the track has only 39seconds left before it finished playing, and secretly hoped I could do the same thing with time and correct whatever that was wrong, but nothing was. "Everything was in its rightful place. It has always been that way", my mind whispered to my heart.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

When Facebook = spams

At times, those Facebook pages which you may 'like', which also hold titles such as "I love you but you don't even know" or perhaps "Saya sayang awak kenapa awak buat saya macam ni" and etc. freak me out. I won't be surprised if one of my friends choose to 'like' a page titled "I dream of having sex with you everyday do you know how much I love you now?", for the sake of peace of everybody's mind, you may keep those thoughts to yourself. Besides, what are Facebook Notes, blogs, and etc. for?

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

"kerok", Kak Jannah kata

Thanks to the accident, I now have permanent pain sensation on my left shoulder. Extremely annoying. Baring dengan bersahaja pun sakit. Macam panas. Macam mencucuk. Macam menekan. Alhamdulillah Kak Jannah sentiasa perasan kalau saya berada dalam kesakitan. Pasti dia akan 'come to the rescueee'.

So far, I honestly think I'm the person which is furthest from obeying the definition of 'normal' compared to other students of bachelor degree of doctor of dental surgery (oh that's a handful of 'of's), but as I wrote before... What if being abnormal feels more normal to one? But what if I try, just a lick of 'normality' as generally accepted (while hoping it'd do me good)? Well the world is filled with colours, let's appreciate each and every one of them.

I also honestly think that it's the season of fever currently. No, not the football fever, but fever as in the one caused by flu. No, not the bird flu, just the regular flu. Being me who's quite susceptible to these little evil minions, I'm having it too now, well as usual. It's a monthly thing. Hidung tersumbat, payah nak tidur. Macam seronok kalau boleh 'unclog' pakai 'plunger'. And I think these minions are fooling around with my mind too, because I'm writing more and more senseless rants. Ok thank you bye.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

jiwa gundah

"Jangan difikir derita akan berpanjangan,
Kelak akan membawa putus asa pada Tuhan,
Ingatlah biasanya kabus tak berpanjangan,
Setelah kabus berlalu pasti cerah kembali" -The Zikr

Tenangkanlah hatiku yang gundah ini, ya Allah.

I am feeling very sad. Very very sad. That stare felt like it's filled with loath, but it could only be me. And I thought the previous confrontation made everything clear for each one of us, but indeed it did not.

Confrontation is futile if the involved parties resist opening up their mind and reject everything but their own ideas. Kerana itulah orang-orang tua kata, "Ikut resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk, jangan jadi lalang, isi tiada, sombongnya berdiri tegak tanpa sebarang erti". Sentiasalah beringat, sebijak-bijak kita, ada lagi orang lain yang lebih berpengetahuan. Sebijak-bijak orang itu, Allah Maha Mengetahui segala perkara, tidak terbatas ilmu-Nya. Dan oleh sebab itu juga, jangan terlampau taksub dengan logik pemikiran apabila menyelesaikan suatu masalah itu kerana kita sudah ada Al-Quran dan Sunnah sebagai panduan kita dan Allah sudah mengatakan bahawa Islam ini sudah disempurnakan. Wallahua'lam. Semoga ini menjadi peringatan untuk diri saya yang semakin hari semakin alpa.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

of Penang and Kelantan essences

Last week had been a hectic but also a very enjoyable one!!

Well for a start, my friends from Kelantan, Jijah and Akila, flew to Kuala Lumpur! Yay!! Picked them up at Mines and we charged to The Curve to watch Prince of Persia where each one of us had to sacrifice our necks since we were sitting at THE VERY FIRST ROW! No kidding, it was my first time. Later, I brought them girls to SS2 Murni since each one of us was as hungry as a Hippogriff and rode my car feeling bloated later.

Jijah (left) and Kila (right) having their humongous meal.

Jijah and I at Cineleisure. Sakit tengkuk.

Later, came the toughest and most memorable part of our journey - sending Jijah and Kila to the latter's sister's place in Putrajaya. Was it Kila's first time going back late at night? Hee hee, after everything, we all had a great time. Thanks, guys, for coming here :) See you again in less than a month, insya Allah.

The very next day, Anith, Mel, and I went to Penang for a vacation. Had a very delivious cheese nan and tandoori chicken, a weird soggy kuey teow goreng mamak, and a mediocre nasi kandar at Kapitan (yeah, we ate a lot haha!).

We paid a visit to Anith's grandmother's house and had the best Penang char kuey teow I have ever had, I'd bet my money on it (tapi haram judi ya). The shop is located in Permatang Pauh but I don't know its name. Sorry for being ignorant aish.
The shop only sells one type of food - Penang char kuey teow. This one here was Penang char kuey teow besar.

Next stop was Mel's friend, Zafirah's house where we attended her sister's wedding reception.

Left to right: Syahidah, Mel, and Zafirah (Mel claimed that Zafirah is my long lost cousin. What do you think?)

Another wedding reception was that of Izrin's elder sister. We're joined by Adi and a few acquaintances.

Left to right : Izrin, Mel, GF, Sam, Arif, and Adi (The guys looked awkward, yes, I think so too haha!)

Went to Hard Rock Hotel. A gorgeous hotel undoubtedly, but I doubt Umi and Ayah would want to stay there (although Umi might give a second thought after seeing this The Beatles mosaic wall). Oh well, what to do. Its beach was beautiful too, very well-maintained.
Anith and I, that's a beautiful masterpiece

Mel and Anith in front of an 18-foot tall guitar replica. I don't quite know which model it was though :P

Went to Feringhi where Mel bought dozens of DVDs. Stopped by somewhere in Perak, gobbled up lots of fruits. Got myself a Fender Telecaster miniature pin at Hard Rock Hotel, since I can't imagine myself getting a real one which might cost me more than RM7k. I'll upload its picture later (if I remember) :)

Alhamdulillah, a good vacation, indeed. We're planning to go to Malacca, just a day trip. Hopefully things will go well, especially since this year will be my first year of not going overseas for a vacation. Well, I have not explored Malaysia itself much. This year makes a good year to do so :)

On a different note, a thought popped up in my head. If one ceases from doing things for the sake of impressing other people alone, one might be happier... no?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

tell me what you what you what you waiting for

I don't like being called 'bodoh' or 'sial' or any of its equivalence, get it? That's a very rude way of addressing anyone and I shall never accept it even if it comes from my own family members or close friends. The next time anyone calls me with that 'term' you're gonna pay for it. I don't give a shit if you're so used to it, but I don't.

the illegal country

Yeah I just got back from my vacation in Penang with Mel and Anith, but let's put that aside first. As I was searching on updates on Malaysia's humanitarian aid convoy which is currently on its way to Gaza on a Turkish ship, Mavi Marmara, along with their counterparts from other countries nd that includes Israeli allies - America and Europe. The Israeli forces attacked the ship which resulted in the death of at least 19 people and left more than 50 others injured. Na'uzubillah! Indeed, the do'a is a great weapon of Muslims, I urge every one of you to send prayers and do solat hajat for the safety and victory of every single soul fighting for beloved Palestinians.

"Jangan kamu memberatkan-beratkan perjalanan kecuali kepada tiga Masjid ; Masjidul Haram, masjidku ini dan Masjidul Aqsa.” - HR Bukhari, Muslim Dan Abu Daud

Al-Aqsa is our responsibilities as Muslims. It's not the Palestinians' alone. Send your prayers for them I beg you. Boycott Israeli products (or any product supporting the illegal 'nation'). Even non-Muslims (although it was a small gesture, but the fact that my Buddhist friend, Foo 'liking' this Facebook page that condemned the incident above moved me a lot) should disagree and condemn Israel. This damned race had illegally built their so-called country on the lands that have always been rightfully Palestinians' (history is our witness). Israel had never respected any sort of law. Who would openly attack a humanitarian aid convoy? They fired freaking MISSILES! Lailaahaillallah, let us all send our prayers for Palestine. Kita sudah cukup lemah, tidak berupaya nak ke Gaza sendiri, berlawan dengan Israel Laknatullah. Tapi insya Allah kita cukup kuat untuk mendoakan saudara kita. Insya Allah kita cukup kuat untuk memboikot produk Israel dan produk-produk yang menyumbang kepada kewangan syaitan itu. Janganlah kita sibuk berasa bangga membeli barang-barang seperti Starbucks, McDonald, KFC, dan sebagainya, padahal barang-barang itu dilumuri oleh darah saudara kita sendiri. Tak jijikkah kamu? Astaghfirullah, saya sendiri sudah terlampau lama alpa dan melupakan saudara seIslamku. Tapi tidak terlambat untuk kita bertaubat dan kembali bangkit, bukan? Di sini saya lampirkan sekali link ke website JAKIM untuk Do'a Qunut Nazilah, semoga kita semua dihindarkan daripada bencana dan bala.

Saya benar-benar berharap di atas kapal itu ialah diri saya sendiri. Saya benar-benar berharap dapat menjadi oral maxillofacial surgeon. Saya benar-benar berharap untuk ke Palestin sendiri membantu saudaraku dengan tulang empat kerat yang dipinjamkan Allah. Jika ditakdirkan mati syahid di sana, ia hanyalah satu pintu yang membawa saya ke perkara yang jauh lebih indah lagi.