It was surprising to see how distraught you appeared to be today. I wish you would tell me the reason of it - what's troubling you? But knowing you for a few years already, you will never splurt out that kind of stuff. And I wonder why am I feeling this despicable resentment - am I not good enough as a friend that you wouldn't tell your problems? Your face was flushed, your conjunctivae appeared congested, and your eyes looked abnormally glassy. Yeah, you always have that sparkle not many are privileged to have, but today they seemed to be telling a whole different story. I want to see you smile again, your usual sarcastic, sadistic self. Smile, friend. "Remember, I am the good person, the good man here okay?", you said to me and I need this 'good man' to make a comeback soon enough. Come on, I've been trying to beat you all this time, don't give up, man!
Yokunai kimochi ne? :(
Everyone seemed exhausted after today's clinical session. I hope tonight will be great for everyone, including me. Amin.
It's four o'clock in the morning and I'm still wide awake, playing around with Yearbookyourself. I wish the internet line can be this fast even during other times. Once the clock strikes 11am, the line will be hit by internet retardation syndrome.
Haa, in about 29 hours, class will start once again. Last week was quite rough. By next oral surgery, my requirement for tooth extractions should be completed, insya Allah :) That's why I said last week was quite rough. I really need to start practising proper mechanics of tooth extraction. I'm using my wrist too much :P
This weekend was almost completely wasted with reading shoujo comics ~(=v=)~ Ngeeeee, I LOVE Manga Fox. Mathisa Yuu's drawing is pretty! So does Sakurada Hina's (*v*) You see, this is the problem I'll experience whenever I get overdosed with Japanese mangas or animes - I'll start using emoticons excessively in my texts. Gyaaaa, I so so so want to visit Japannnnn!
Umi and Ayah has granted me permission to go on one condition - I'll have to get a friend to accompany me which is the most problematic issue here. Who'd want to spend almost ten grands just for a few days? Oh man... So I guess I'll just wait till I become a certified dentist and perhaps a specialist, but uhm... I don't think I'm willing to wait six more years before visiting that country. Bersiap sedia untuk berjimat... tapi... saya... taklah... bijak berjimat sangat. Uh -_-" Learn, Zahirah! LEARN!!! Eh, kejap... Umi dan Ayah kan dah kata nak sponsor gua pergi sana. TEE HEEE HEEE, but I think they might change their mind once I've graduated (insya Allah) because Ayah will officially become a pensioner this 30th December, hence the need to save my money soon. Only God knows how excited he is about this. Hahaha. Nonetheless, I admire this character of his - once you accept a job, you do it properly until you've completed the task. I hate people who do things merely for the sake of fun and as the Malay saying goes, "Asal cukup syarat". Not good at all. Well you can play around, but give your best shot at everything. The satisfaction is worth it, no kidding.
Two days ago I had a rather strange dream, but I'm not immersed in melancholy enough to talk about it now :P
Innalillah, my condolences for Naimah and her family. Her father passed away on Thursday. As I had said when we started fourth year together - we'll help you through thick and thin, but there's no use babbling much here. I'd rather convey my words directly to her. Let us all send our prayers and Al-Fatihah for her father as well as all muslims be them deceased or alive. May Allah repay you. I hope she'll stand as strong as she always do. She did undergo so many tests these couple of years, very patiently.
"Kau ni skemalah", "Tak payah lurus bendul, buat cenggini je", and so on... So many of them, they just lead to one core message - don't be too naive and white lies are okay. I have my reasons for being somewhat too honest at times. Firstly, of course, our Creator. Then there are other accessory reasons, but I would by lying if I say these are my sole reasons. Somehow, everytime I try cheating my way through something, I will either get caught red-handed or end up with something so horrible and terrible, I can never forget them, even when Alzheimer hits me (this is a lie). I'll go through a few incidents.
The first time I tried to skip my religious school - Ayah's friend informed him (kaki repot, booooo!) and I ended up getting beaten by him.
The first time I left the house without picking up dry clothes (I initially intended to come home before Umi did), it rained so heavily and I was stuck in Sunway Pyramid. Itu zaman naik teksi daaa, tak senang nak balik. I got walloped again.
The first time I tried to sneak out of my school just to buy a can of Gatorade (Gatorade... of all drinks :P), my discipline ustaz saw me and he chased me so hard, I had to flee to Subang Parade (which was about 50meters away).
The first time I let my hamster out and slept without putting him back into his cage, arwah Mikay hilang untuk seminggu. Alhamdulillah jumpa kembali tapi dia jadi slim.
And today, the first time I skipped taking a PA radiograph of my patient's tooth when it was highly indicated, I ended up with a fractured tooth (due to very extensive caries), even the lecturer in charge couldn't extract it out via close extraction. The extraction had to be done by minor oral surgery. I should be extremely grateful since it's my first time skipping such important investigation and the periapical abscess was very very small and my block anaesthesia was successful (block anaesthesia may fail in the presence of abscess), instead of getting an ankylosed tooth case as my friend had experienced. But still, as Umi had said, "You always choose the hard way to learn your lessons", indeed, I learned it this time the hard way again. Nonetheless, I should kill this habit once and for all (if I can avoid it). Pesakit ialah manusia. Manusia seperti aku. Ada nyawa, ada perasaan, ada macam-macam lagi. Hari ini, Zahirah, kau sudah melanggar etika-etika yang selama ini kau hormati dan hukuman ini sememangnya layak bagi kau. I will not repeat such mistake anymore :'(
I'm not sure what's got into me - either it's a friend's influence or something else, but Sims 3 became my addiction these days, and the worst part of it is I woke up at 10.30am today because I played this darn game till 4.30am! And I missed Prof Sittheeque's oral pathology clinic T_T I feel like doing myself a favour by undergoing electroconvulsive therapy, perhaps I can change my way of thinking briefly, arghhhhhhhhh!! But thank God, I got to the dental school just in time to attend Dr Noor Hayati Abdul Razak's (oral maxillofacial surgeon) clinical session. The thing about missing Prof Sittheeque's clinical session is - he's leaving by end of January since he is currently here as a visiting professor. So I should try my best to learn as much as possible from him, but hey, there I was, dozing off to a stupid dream, letting all those knowledge slip out of my hands just like that! I am very disappointed with myself :'(
AH! There's no use crying over spilled milk, I'll have to put the glass in a covered unbreakable container in a safe position next time. Sims 3 may now be dumped into the recycle bin (nahhh, I'm just kidding. Fiza will kill me if I do so). Tomorrow, there'll be an interesting case in dental operation theater (OT) - open reduction internal fixation (ORIF) of mandible on a patient whom was clerked two days ago, to be performed by Dr Abdullah Pohchi, also our oral maxillofacial surgeon. I wish I can observe the procedure, especially since I have prepared myself a little bit on this for today's ORIF (different case), but a few people kept me busy and I didn't have the heart to just ditch them and dash to OT, so it was already wound suture as I arrived there (near its end already sob...). Again, :'( I even have to pass tomorrow's ORIF since my tooth extraction session shall be tomorrow morning. Dr Abdullah offered me to assist him during tomorrow's procedure, but I didn't have the balls and I've never heard of any senior assisting in the OT during fourth year, so to cut things short, I chickened out. Besides, I have to extract my patient's teeth tomorrow morning, two of them, with super-large caries, it might be a complicated extraction and I had never encountered any complicated extraction case before. Might as well do everything as quickly as possible and run to OT. Oh well... Rushing through everything might not be a good idea.
Nonetheless, this heart is jumping out of joy after doing three tooth extractions yesterday plus a number more during previous oral surgery week. Which means, I have only five requirements for tooth extraction left to be completed by end of fourth year (June 2011) :) Alhamdulillah. But, it took me quite some time yesterday. I began the procedure at 3.00pm and finished at 4.20pm. Which means, I took one hour and 20 minutes to complete three of them, and I really didn't intend to make it such a lengthy procedure since my patient was in her mid 70s. And she was a very nice lady. The head department of oral maxillofacial surgery of Hospital Kota Bharu, Dato' Dr Rushdi invited us to come to his department if ever we feel like practising tooth extractions. How kind of him :) I hope I can fulfill my requirements as soon as possible and practise a few more skills there. Amin.
I read this on a notice sticking on a door in OT, 'Hanya 5 pelajar dibenarkan berada dalam satu operation room pada satu masa'. Surprisingly, yesterday, a person decided to be such a pain in our arses and chased us out from an operation room. "Saya nak dua orang je kat sini. Yang lain keluar", she said loudly. Every personnel in the OT was looking at us. BIG DEAL! Even the specialist, Dr Sarliza Yasmin Sanusi, and the sister in charge, didn't say anything. Is there anything wrong with reminding us politely? We are undergraduates, you don't need to remind us about that, but that is not an excuse for your rudeness. Have some respect towards others, dude.
My biological clock is now upside down once again, due to reading a hilarious and sarcastic blog by... I can't reveal it here, continuously. Adui gelak sampai air mata meleleh. Not good, not good, son. And somehow, Wani's linked to this lady blogger :P The earth is small. I usually wrap up my revision around midnight, but today, I began revising at midnight instead. The clock struck half past one in the morning and my eyelids slowly drooped and I think... the above picture describes my face best at this time. So sleepy. Time to get some sleep.
Hm... I'm now seriously considering removing my fibrosed submandibular lymph node. Everytime I get upper respiratory tract infection it grows and stop and that size. Later it'll grow again. And again... and again... (~_~) (muka bosan). Saya ni lemak tak sikit mana (kih kih kih), my double chin doesn't need to be made more obvious. Yiying kata, "Takpelah, nanti jadi triple chin". Hahahahaaaa, kurang asam.
Another mind-bogging health issue - lactose-intolerance. Hari ini saya rasa macam nak tarik katil masuk tandas. I had vanilla ice blended this evening, so you can guess its consequences, can't you?
This morning I did two amalgam restorations - one deep caries management and another one just a simple 4.0mm depth cavity restoration. See, my patient came late, so I started treating her around 10.10am and I finished all restorations at 11.45am. Our clinical session is supposed to end at 12.30pm which means I had another 45minutes to do perhaps another restoration or two more easy ones. I requested to my lecturer, Dr Rabihah Alawi (our prosthodontist), to do perhaps just one more pit and fissure sealant (truth is, I could fit another two more), but, sob... she didn't allow me, because she has to monitor an examination at 1.00pm. She pointed out that having two done were good enough. Ahhhhhh, or else I could've filled another four requirements today. Oh, well, better not rush, isn't it? As long as I can keep up with this pace or maybe be faster in the future and I'll be okay, insya Allah. For tomorrow evening session, I'm planning to do full mouth scaling and a class I amalgam restoration. I suspect this will be yet another case of deep caries management. Might as well prepare a syringe with Scandonest 2%, for pharmacological behavioral management. Bunyi macam fancy, sebenarnya cuma inject bius untuk pesakit tak rasa sakit semasa tampalan dilakukan. Itu saja.
Anyway, I love reparative dentine. Why? Study more on it, son.
Yesterday, we had a knowledge development session with our endodontist, Dr Deepti Saini, who also happens to be one of the prettiest lecturers we have here, on Burs and Handpieces. I always love her lectures and I particularly agree with what she had said before starting with her lecture, "What I'm giving you are just guidelines. Don't be so rigid, okay? Do whatever you think is best and comfortable with". Besides, dentistry is a true hybrid of arts and science. Today, I applied her teachings as much as possible, with a few modifications here and there, and Alhamdulillah, everything improved tremendously. No kidding. And after her endodontic seminar, the previous deputy dean, Dr Zaihan Arifin, gave me 'G+' (U being unsatisfactory, and G means passing it. G is further devided to G-, G, and G+) for all of my pulp extirpations and canal shaping. Alhamdulillah. I can still remember Dr Deepti's gentle advice to me when I was in second year about restorations. Frankly, at that time I was somewhat envious when seeing others progressing easily and Dr Deepti was sitting by my side, observing my techniques. "I think Pickard's Manual of Operative Dentistry might help you", she said when I almost cried. So I borrowed one (until the loan was overdue for more than a couple of years and I had to pay almost a hundred bucks) from the library, but I honestly found the book hard to digest during that time, most probably because we weren't much exposed to minimal intervention (to give treatment as minimal as possible), and all I had in mind was 'Black Class I, II, III, IV, and bla bla bla' - the 'extension for prevention' rather than 'prevention from extending' concept. Therefore, I resorted to reading manuals the school gave us (good enough for a start, but not adequate). And as I started my fourth year, I thought of the book again because I was very worried of becoming a dangerous practitioner (and by this time, our lecturers are continuously emphasizing the importance of minimal intervention), and she was right. The book is superb! If you have the interest and effort, you'll discover the wonders. Beyond words, son. Thank you, Dr Deepti Saini. I hope you can join us in the clinics soon.
Your so-called 'intelligent arguments' are just a few mumbo jumbos made up of unintelligent guesses. You always ask abundant questions which could easily be answered if you bothered to use just a few more percent of that ignorant brain of yours. You consume others' time, you have no idea how much they'd like to kick you out of the group. You just shrug when someone points out your mistake, or even worse, you sometime dismisses others' reminders whenever you do any mistake. Trust us, we're not cheated by all your hypocritical cover-ups. Some said one's true self may be seen when one is sleeping - indeed, your true self is a violent ignorant prick. You even have the nerve to argue back rudely against lecturers' teachings. Who do you think you are? You don't even have 'Dr.' written in front of your name legally yet, and you think you're brilliant enough? For God's sake, dude... you pull an old man's body to lie back when that person was coughing so badly because he's choking, just so you can finish restoring his teeth... or hold on, were you trying to avoid your etching or bonding from being contaminated with saliva? Well, sorry, you just gotta repeat it again, no excuse to kill your patient, nonetheless. You're not even practising safely and you said you want to be a dentist? If you don't change your attitude and kill that huge ignorant ego of yours, think of another job to get instead of graduating as a dangerous dentist. You know... those lecturers are watching us like eagles, don't think you can cheat your way through.
The internet is depressingly slow. Might as well resume my 80% completed presentation entitled Dental Health Education for Medical Nurses on Oral Health Importance and write this later, but hwarghhh, the stomach wall is too extended due to excessive gastric content. Serotonin is overflowing my nerves, I feel too sleepy for any activity requiring even a mediocre focus level. So let's just get on with this :P
Incik Zulhelmie and Wani recently said my blog's always about dental stuff. Come to think of it... True that, true that. I can't help it since I even barely get the time to have a decent lunch, what more if I talk about leisure times. Not exactly true, since...
Firstly, I haven't written much about previous raya haji holiday, have I? I got to hang out and sleep over Syawa's house along with Jaja :) Ate at a Korean restaurant named... I can't recall its name, gomennasai! But we all particularly liked its unique ambience, but the food is just... Let's just say, Korean food is not for me, except for the pancakes. So all the best, Quiwan, who nailed a job in Korea (congratulations!!). Speaking of which... the three of us used to be cashiers in Parkson Subang Parade and we're all doing medicine and dentistry now. And there were a few customers who were unacceptably impolite to us. I can still remember their faces and I wonder if they might one day be one of my patients, and if that happens... HEE HEE HEE.
Next is watching Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows Part I movie with Mel! Frankly, I'm not much of a HP movie fan. They just deviate too much from the novel series!! Perhaps because they broke The Deathly Hallows into two parts, hence, less need to cut this and that chapter, and finally, a HP movie that's worth watching. Didn't get to meet Anith during that hols - which I find weird. See, once I'm in USM, I'll almost totally detach myself from Subang Jaya. So if I didn't get to see her during that hols, I might not even contact her until my next hols... but what a horrible friend I am if I do so. Anith, how are you?
And quite recently, my coursemates and I celebrated Jijah's birthday in Restoran Arafah. USM's coolest oral and maxillofacial surgeon, Dr Shaifulizan Abdul Rahman and our outstandingly dedicated DSA, Mr Haryadi, sponsored part of it :) This is one of the reasons I am very glad and grateful to be part of USM Dental School of Sciences. Happy belated birthday, Jijah and Nur Ain Shafiyah Md Ghazali. May both of you be showered with blessings from Allah.
Next, Rias, also a coursemate from a different university - UMS, Yogyakarta, Indonesia, have uploaded our photos during previous tour around Kelantan.
And today, Poisze, Yiying, and I went to KB Mall for lunch (they treated me to Daily Fresh waffle and Secret Recipe Appletiser yay, just for sending them to somewhere 5 minutes away from USM! Thank you, guys!) and we found out two new shops are now open which are Brands Outlet and PDI. Two shops to be opened soon are FOS and Hot & Roll (formerly known as Wrapz)!!!
Oh hey, a cockroach had just entered my room just now. My buddy senior, Alia, killed it gloriously.
Today, I did my biggest restoration (filling/simen gigi/tampalan gigi) so far. It's as the picture above - blue colour represents the filling and light yellow colour represents the tooth structure left. That's what I got since my patient's previous dentist gave her temporary restoration and the cavity was readily huge. The floor of the cavity even extended beyond gingival margin (the axial wall was so near to the pulp it's already red in colour)! I had to give local anaesthesia to her. I have to admit that I panicked. I dropped a tweezer and a whole syringe (along with it's empty cartridge and A NEEDLE STILL ATTACHED TO IT!!!). Ash jenkers aren't reliable after all. This was my first time of doing a restoration twice! The amalgam (the metal-ish thing used as a filling material) just couldn't be condensed to form the distal slope of its buccal cusp and since Assoc. Prof. Dr. Sam'an Malik Masudi (endodontist) suspected the temporary filling was zinc oxide eugenol (ZOE), I had to restore the cavity using amalgam. If it's composite resin, it'd be way easier and I wouldn't have to remove the sound tooth structure occlusally. I wonder who temporarily filled it with ZOE... Well, anyway, considering composite resin, unless I pack it layer by layer, the restoration will suffer from major microleakage. I'm glad that the restoration was hm... looked pretty :P Poor prognosis, son. Nonetheless, yet another valuable experience gained today. Towards using tooth-coloured restorations!
Come to think of it... although we have gone through only a few conservative dentistry sessions (due to hols and hols and hols :P), I've been getting a lot of somewhat tough cases for a beginner. Yes, the theory is there, but practical-wise... that's just an almost different story by itself. They weren't easy, frankly, but I'm grateful to be able to experience them early :) Alhamdulillah.
I feel somewhat tired today. It had been quite awhile since I last did an extensive research at the library. Perhaps I had overestimated online journals. Now that our field of studies is more converged on matters related to dentistry, online journals related to it are sadly very few when compared to medical ones. Something must be done about this.
On a completely different note...
I feel very tired emotionally too. I wonder why am I willing to put up with all this nuisance, but again... as happened so many times already, there is so much good waiting for me behind that veil of uncertainty. Allah knows best. Nonetheless, I can't expect myself to behave like a robot, I have to give it a break. Let's loosen this grip. Fly :)
I'm in love with the monsoon season. It rains everyday and I love how everything stand out during cloudy days. I wish I will be a dentist and a specialist too as soon as possible, because I'd really like to go for vacations (what???). I had to pass so many trips Umi and Ayah planned (they went ahead of course :P) because I rarely get long breaks and when there is any, it comes unexpectedly which I find rather inconvenient. Oh well, "Berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ketepian, bersakit-sakit dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian", isn't it? Tak apalah tak cuti dan bersenang-lenang semasa belajar ni. Kemudian hari bila dah mula kerja, bolehlah relaks sedikit walaupun masa tu tanggungjawab yang dipikul lain pula jenisnya. Seronoknya pun lainlah jenisnya :)
I've been busy for the last two days, designing shirt for my batch. Truth to be told, my coursemate, Foo Chay Siang, and I started working on the design about a year ago and as usual, I forgot... and forgot... and forgot... till today, to finally complete the design. It'll be a collared one and that Chinese character was actually drawn by Foo himself and digitalised by me. Quite a decent work, if you ask me wahahah! I wonder if I can have 'PERIO' written below that periodontal probe (the instrument imprinted at the back) and have Dr Akram Hassan, our periodontist sponsoring us. He did say he'll sponsor us if we do so hee hee. Surprisingly enough, I visited three t-shirt printing shops and none of them has grey coloured shirts T_T This isn't going as smoothly as I expected it to be. Well then, I shall head to Rantau Panjang to search for them. Hopefully the result will be a positive one... now that even the price of Ron95 is up by 10cents. It's like feeding the car with GOLD! Ho jeah.