Tuesday, February 23, 2010

for the love of Allah

Within a year period...

Experienced a life-changing accident (is there such sentence?)
Having major depression disorder
Attempted suicide twice (Alhamdulillah none was actually completed or else... :'O)
Was ditched by two close friends
Had a major argument with a close one
Had fever a week before it (see I have issues with my immune system)
Entered a battle of bands and actually walked away as the third one out of 11 bands
Had 3 offers to advance myself in musical career from Yamaha, RTM, and a sort of club
Headed a nasyeed team
Still producing tablatures
Still holding the post as the batch leader
Still struggling in improving my dental handwork
Still having amnesia due to consumption of anxiolytic drugs
Still having pseudodementia due to previous condition
Studied for a complete 7 days

And still... I've made it through everything. My exam result was announced a few hours ago, and praises to Allah, I passed. Here, the main challenge is to actually pass the exam and if you're good enough, then, try to pick the apple at the top of the tree. No, it's not as good as it is when I was at my top performance, but it's certainly something for me after all the hardship, Alhamdulillah :') Let's shift our attention to Professional 2 exam. 70% of our overall marks will come from there, so, let's try our best and gather all 70%. InsyaAllah all of us will excel with enough prayers, effort, and finally Tawakkaltu'alallah. Knowing me, Ayah thought that I'd feel down after knowing it, but, Ayah, lepas semua yang dah Ira experienced, my perception towards everything has changed. Terima kasih, Ayah dan Umi.

Monday, February 22, 2010

tasukete yo

One of the fastest guitarists of all time. Oh, oh, help me, I think I have fallen in love with this man, haha! Tolonglah faham showmanship dia baguih dan muka sinis masa perform itu memang.......... haiz. Melted. Mr. Synyster Gates memang the shiznit.

tentang mereka


According to Reader's Digest, cyberspace may be critically congested by 2012 (if I'm not mistaken). Can that pass as an excuse to the current condition of the extremely sluggish internet connection in my university? Positive thinking, Cik Zahirah. It's good for your studies.


This is bad, this increasing addiction to syeesha is BAD! VERY BAD! Mana tak melayang duit, cuti yang baru sahaja lepas ini sampai dua bongs setiap malam. Ayat 'lame' kami (mengikut kata Izzi), "Esok tak nak syeesha dah lah", setiap malam selepas sesi lepak harian di As-Safa, Bandar Utama. Padahal, mesej yang agak sama isinya akan tiba setiap petang atau menjelang malam. Mesej-mesej tersebut biasanya mengandungi ayat ini, "Lepak As-Safa jom?". Waduh-waduh, bu', harus dijaga saluran peranakannya, bu'.


I'm missing quite a number of people right now - their presence, lame jokes, heart to heart talk sessions (kadang-kadang disalahguna sebagai sesi mengumpat, hm), and etc. I was thinking of uploading a few pictures of these people, but due to the 'fantabulastic' internet connection, I had to curb my intention.


My current thoughts (tak nak baca sudah, blog aku ni):
1. Phase 2 Professional exam is very near and it's super uber nerve-wrecking.
2. When am I going to finally start studying?
3. Aku mahu jumpa Farhanah Zullkefle dan melihat dia semakin chun dari hari ke hari. Haha.
4. Aku mahu jumpa Anith walaupun hampir setiap hari keluar dengannya semasa cuti.
5. Aku mahu jumpa Wan Athirah walaupun hakikatnya susah untuk berjumpa dengannya, tapi aku faham keadaannya.
6. Aku mahu jumpa Melissa dan gelakkan perangai barannya serta mendengarnya memaki-hamun pemandu-pemandu lain walaupun kadang-kala disertai dengan rasa tidak setuju dalam hatiku. Hoho.
7. Aku mahu jumpa Raja Izzi walaupun hampir setiap hari dia melabel aku sebagai antisosial. SoSial sungguh.
8. Aku mahu jumpa Azzahiri @ Jair untuk 'tong-tong' syeesha sama-sama dan mendengarnya berborak tentang kumpulan Rokustep yang sangat dibanggakannya :P
9. Aku mahu jumpa Ismail walaupun dia selalu bising tak memasal dan selalu memakai singlet putih yang boleh mengakibatkan aku mengalami episod 'post-traumatic stress disorder' berkali-kali.
10. Aku mahu jumpa Mimi walaupun persembahan silap matanya tidak berjaya menyilapkan mata aku (tatabahasa langgar ya).
11. Aku mahu jumpa Nadh walaupun jarang-jarang berborak dengannya, tapi di mana ada Mimi, di situ ada Nadh XD Nadh mesra orangnya :)
12. Aku mahu jumpa Zuleffendi @ Shin Chan walaupun dia boleh bercakap berjam-jam tanpa henti. Jangan manic sudah.
13. Aku mahu jumpa Czar (apa tah nama betul dia) @ Jaja supaya boleh paksa dia buat bentuk 'O' menggunakan apa-apa jenis asap yang dihembusnya.
14. Aku mahu jumpa Cik Camelle (tak reti eja T_T) supaya ada teman untuk balas balik lawak-lawak orang di atas dengan perkataan-perkataan berunsur perubatan kami.
15. Aku mahu jumpa Nasreeq Hafifi @ Fifi walaupun dia selalu 'pao' syeesha aku.
16. Aku mahu benar-benar bermain bersama kugiran asalku, Apple Danish walaupun sudah berkali-kali perancangan kami dibatalkan. Terasa hampa juga hatiku, kadang-kadang timbul pula syak wasangka yang tidak elok, tetapi sebaik perancangan kita, perancangan Allah adalah yang paling ulung dan muktamad.
17. Dan perkara yang ini duduk di tangga yang terakhir kerana perkara inilah yang aku benar-benar fikirkan sekarang - aku mahu jumpa Umi (walaupun selalu cuba mengorek rahsia aku), Ayah (nasihat-nasihatnya aku pakai setiap hari, setiap jam), Ahmad (apa khabar anda di Pondok Pasir Tumboh?), Wani (aku tahu kau gembira di sana. Alhamdulillah), Along (walaupun selalu jadikan aku kuli batak untuk buat semua kerja tukang di rumah. Along, Ira adik perempuan kau ya, bukan adik lelaki), dan Kak Jannah (rindu masakan ala Uminya).


Tolonglah faham, aku perlukan jaringan internet yang mantap. Tak mantap sangat pun tak apalah, asalkan aku boleh upload gambar. Kiriman blog kali ini terlampau banyak perkataan, aku pun terasa nak buta apabila membacanya kembali.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

i suck at percussion, face that fact


Alhamdulillah, finally arrived home safe and sound, but rather annoyed to find the wireless modem is malfunctioning - to no surprise, due to recent widespread short-circuit caused by the also 'malfunctioning' Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB). Alhamdulillah too, to finally get to hang out with Tra, Anith, and Mel. It helps to talk to a few people with different points of view once in awhile, hence, the reason I disagree to stay in my comfort zone.


Well, come to think of it... my comfort zone isn't really a comfortable one, most probably because tough competitions seem to persist untill... FOREVER, regardless exams are around the corner or not, and whether one is a friend or a foe. Ayah said to me, "Ada 2 benda yang kita boleh dengki. Pertama, cemburu untuk berbuat kebaikan. Kedua, cemburu untuk mencari ilmu", and I was very tempted to continue his sentence with, "... dan semuanya harus berlaku dengan adil, dan bukan dengan cara menarik yang lain ke bawah". I continuously chant, "Only a couple of years and a few months left, and you'll graduate with flying colours in a blink of an eye", in my heart. Hopefully all of us will graduate in the shortest time.



Hols so far had been about numerous syisha sessions, bidding farewell to Wani (she left for Aus to further her studies. May Allah bless her, amiiin...), bugging my parents, movies, meeting and making new friends, and hanging out with old pals. I gave up on my Asus and decided to upgrade Wani's Vaio which she gave me recently (Terima kasih T_T).


I only workout about 2-3 times this week which is quite disappointing. I have this habit which statistically deviates from other females. For an instance, if a lady looks at a well-built man, the thought of, "Hot, hee hee", might be the first one to pop up in her mind. In my case, it'll be, "Gosh, can I have mine like that too?". Such way of thinking had started only a couple of months ago. No, I don't think I'll go for extremes (aku tak rajin macam tu), but I'm working on my upper limbs, hopefully my handwork in dentistry and musical instruments practise will improve. Talking of which... the musical talent scout had contacted me for the fifth time. Argh, I really feel bad about this.


Will be going back to Kelantan this Saturday night by plane. Hm... Hm... Hm. Will have to switch on my nerd mode soon.

---------------------- Change of affect ---------------------------


Such striking resemblance... each wall of my four heart chambers shook at that person's sight, channelling their waves to my every blood vessels, hence, my pulse strengthens and beats so rapidly I could almost swear it skipped a beat. It was a mixture of a sense of belonging, hatred, amusement, annoyance, and too many to be jotted here. It was..................... too much at this point.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

although my favourite number is four, three feels good too :D


Afterlife by Avenged Sevenfold Cover (by UNDECIDED)
(Please watch the video with your headphones on or the sound will be very very sluggish)

I guess I am too sick of the internet connection in my university that this cyber cafe is slowly becoming my fifth home. LOL.


So here it is, a video of my band members and I, performing Afterlife which was captured by my friend, Fiza, during USM Battle of The Bands 2010 last night. Ayien named our band UNDECIDED, most probably because almost everything about us - the band line-up, song pick, instruments arrangement, and, etc. were undecided until the very last minute. So, UNDECIDED is made up of Hazrizul Azam (Ayien), Elly Elinna (Elly), Firdaus, Nasrul Nizam (Bob Bulu), Izzat Ismail (Terk), and myself.


The band members of UNDECIDED, from left to right : Bob Bulu, Ayien, Terk, Elly, Firdaus, and I


Initially, it was Aril who chose this song. The initial band line-up were Aril as the lead guitarist, Firdaus as the rhythm guitarist, me as the bassist, Terk as the vocallist/keyboardist, and Ayien as the drummer. Later, a few things came up and Aril couldn't join us. If you had listened to the original version of this song, you'll see that the main attraction of this song lies with the guitar solos and the flow is controlled by the bass and drum. So, I dragged Bob and Elly along about 4 hours before the show itself. "This song HAD TO SOUND FULLER", I said to myself.


It's my first time of learning any bass tablature completely for more than a couple of hours. It took me the whole 3 excruciating hours, and since my exams were just over, my lazy mode is obviously turned on. Started trying the tab only 2 days before the competition and jammed with the rest for THE FIRST TIME (about one and a half hour) a day after. Then, we practised for the second time (an hour only this time) 2 hours before the event itself. I think I was partly conscious when I actually took a stroll before the competition and ended up arriving late, just before our cue. Tengah termengah-mengah terus kena naik pentas. Zahirah, Zahirah... Tak ke nak gila aku jadinya semua benda last minute, tapi salah sendiri juga, hee...


From left to right : Firdaus, Elly, me, Terk, Ayien, and Bob Bulu


Anyhoo, as I came down the stairs, one of the judges came to me and shook my hand (which I regretfully accepted) while saying, "Eh, you main bass hebatlah. Congratulations, congratulations", ececececee, ni ambo nak kembang. Padahal, lebih daripada lima kali aku main tipu atas pentas. I have this weird habit of the more anxious I am, the lazier I get, hence, I actually skipped a few notes HAHAHAHAH! Later, another judge who happened to come from the headquarter of Yamaha offered Firdaus and I to join this I-don't-have-much-clue club which is under the supervision of Yamaha for new talents. He also said, "Ada dua sahaja bassist yang finger-pick. Satu you, satu lagi band (tak ingat nama). Yang lain semua pakai pick", sambil dia menggeleng kepala. Sebenarnya, incik......... saya tak reti pakai plectrum XD Nevertheless, I don't think I'll accept it. Saya betul-betul mahu jadi dentist lah. Itu pun terkedek-kedek, berani pula mahu cuba benda lain. Today, a message from the third judge came in, offering the almost same thing. Hm... Sorry, sorry, sorry, nanti kalau dah jadi dentist baru boleh cuba-cuba kot. Haha.

p/s: All pictures were taken from Elly. Handphone masuk bengkel lah.

Monday, February 8, 2010

bum badam we call it 'aaaaaamond, not allllmond'

Zahirah Ardy

Super duper coolio fantabulous mumbo jumbo merakapundeng. Jantung terasa nak meletup.38 seconds ago clear


There you go, English grammar at 'it's best'. (Apahal tah jadi besar tulisan dia. Apa-apalah brader) The truth is... my heart is pumping like crazy, my legs are tapping almost non-stop, the sphincter of my urinary bladder feels like it's going to give up it's guard, I have been yawning for countless times already today, these left fingers feel so numb and look very swollen, there are even traces of iron on the tip of my fingers signifying me playing the guitar too much and too hard. Duh... satu malam saja ada untuk belajar bass lagu Afterlife itu sebelum kali pertama berlatih sama-sama dengan yang lain malam ini. Terpaksa la aku pulun. I'm not exactly clear on the reason I didn't practise the song during last weekend. Itulah natijahnya bertangguh. Sekarang baru menggelabah. Bagaimanapun, kalau sesiapa ada idea dalam masa 24 jam yang akan datang - macam mana aku nak main laju pada kadar tetap sebelum pre-chorus terakhir lagu ini?


Tomorrow will be THE DAY. The day the USMKK 2010 Battle of The Bands shall be held. I'm quite positive that I'll be the only female holding any instrument on the stage. I sure hope I will not make a fool out of myself tomorrow. Dah la ambil lagu laju. Bassnya wes kayak gitar loh. Waduh, bu', gwe bingung. Tak pernah jam bersama sebelum ini. WARGHHHH AKU GELABAH GELABAH IALAH AKU UNTUK BEBERAPA JAM YANG AKAN DATANG. Bye, saya ada kelas paedodontics sebenarnya lagi 35 minit yang akan datang. Wassalam. Oh ya, wish me all the best. Tuluuunlah.


Friday, February 5, 2010

nothing goes unpunished or unrewarded

Not only my laptop, but I think I had tortured my ears too much too. Let's see... I had been using earphones (attached to a radio haha) since I was 8 or 9. Had been listening to walkman since I was 12. Had been jamming since I was 16. Everytime I do those things, I tend to do them loudly. And now my left ear and its neural part is having minor damage T_T But thank Allah that it can still detect sound in the normal range although the borderline is quite near already. There are a few things that the audiologist who performed a few audio tests on me said, and thanks to Ecah, I can finally confirm my suspicions which means I'll get to tackle the problem early. By next year, if there is more reduction in my audio test, I'll be referred to a specialist -_-" Hopefully things will go well.


Talking about ears... this Tuesday, I'll be entering a battle of bands here (BOTB) along with Ayien's band. We'll be playing Avenged Sevenfold's Afterlife. Albeit having to play just as a bassist which I find relatively easier than being a guitarist from experience, I'm nevertheless anxious. Tahun lepas punya bands macam gila ja main. Tahun ni sampai SEPULUH KUMPULAN masuk! Penat-penat aku hempas pulas untuk peperiksaan Selanjar 3 Perubatan Fasa 2 yang baru sahaja lepas. Inilah masanya untuk aku bagi sedikit masa untuk aktiviti lain. Letih dah membentuk cocoon sendiri dalam bilik. Ironically, each of my band members (the one I usually perform with) with exception to Ajun, will be playing in different bands. Hee hee. Niat saya mahu join abang Ayien saja-saja :) Semoga tak kantoi.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

autobiography : aku sebuah laptop Usus... eh, bukan. aku sebuah laptop Asus.

Okay, since I didn't feel very good after answering my multiple choice questions (MCQ) paper (during which I took 40 minutes worth of nap) this morning, I think I'd like to write rubbish for once... or has it been a few times already? Or worse - MANY TIMES ALREADY?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, ok. Let's proceed.

Tajuk Autobiografi : Aku Sebuah Laptop Usus


Hai, kalian. Nama aku ialah laptop Usus. Aku dilahirkan di kilang Asus dan menetap sementara di Sunway Pyramid di negara Malaysia di mana pekerja buruhnya jarang-jarang aku nampak terdiri daripada rakyat Malaysia sendiri. Malah, remaja Malaysia seringkali duduk di kedai-kedai seperti Starbucks tanpa membeli apa-apa pun. Barangkali, ibu bapa merekalah pemilik kedai itu. Sebab itu mereka duduk-duduk sahaja di situ.

Pada tahun 2008, seorang pelajar Universiti Sains Malaysia bernama Zahirah telah datang bersama ibu bapanya. Aku terdengar ibunya berkata, "Okay, jom cari Vaio. Wani pakai dulu elok tu", tapi pendapat tersebut terus disangkal oleh bapanya, "Ahhh, mana layak lagi dia ni. Beli yang murah dulu". Aku pun berdiri megah di situ, dikelilingi oleh laptop-laptop yang rata-rata dilengkapi RAM sebanyak 1gB. RAM aku pula 2gB. Sesuailah untuk orang yang pertama kali mahu membeli laptop.


Semasa zaman mudaku, tuan aku telah menjaga aku dengan baik sekali. Malah, dia telah melengkapkan aku dengan service packs yang sedia updated daripada pelbagai syarikat. Dia juga telah bla bla bla...


Pada suatu hari, tuan aku telah meminjamkanku kepada kawannya. Malang tidak berbau, kawannya dengan tidak sengaja menghentak sendiku ke atas bucu sebuah meja berhampiran Hotel Ridel, Kota Bharu. ARGH! Sakitnya, terasa seperti tulangku retak pula. Kalau aku diberi suara, mahu sahaja aku menjerit kepada Zahirah, "Cepat!! Hantar aku untuk computed tomography (CT) scan! Tulangku retak!". Lama kelamaan, sendiku mula menghasilkan bunyi patologi. Habislah...


Beberapa bulan selepas itu, aku dibawa naik kereta tuan aku. Kami pulang ke Subang menaiki kereta. Seorang kawan kepada tuan aku telah membawa kereta dengan agak ganas, lalu kami semua mengalami kemalangan. Aku tidak nampak apa-apa pun kerana keadaan dalam bahagian bagasi terlampau gelap. Terasa seperti berada dalam mesin basuh baju pula. Akibatnya, sendi-sendiku yang sudah retak terus patah dan hancur. Impak maksima sungguh.



Kini, inilah penampilan terbaruku. Aku tidak berupaya menjaga LCDku daripada dihinggapi semut. Oleh itu, tuan aku seringkali melihat semut bersiar-siar di atas permukaan LCDku. Lid aku juga sudah tidak selari dengan badanku. Kasihan aku terhadapnya. Tapi... jika diperhatikan touch padku, agak kasar juga tuan aku pakai aku. Mungkinkah aku akan diganti dengan abang yang lain?

- Tamat sudah -

Programs dia masih mantap... tapi sudah tidak berapa 'mobile'. Hm... bagaimana ni? Maaf, latar belakang agak berselerak, biasalah... musim peperiksaan, hoho :P

Monday, February 1, 2010

bereavement

Listen to Hijjaz's Kau Sahabat Kau Teman song and the content of this entry will be clear to you.


Aku dengar Al-I'tirof (Zikir Taubat) oleh Haddad Alwi (ada version Raihan juga) aku menangis. Aku dengar lagu Hijjaz ni aku menangis. Aku dengar nasyeed Kasih Sayang oleh Raihan pun aku menangis. Itulah, dah kata dah, lepas aku kena major depressive disorder, aku jadi cengeng, walaupun aku sudah pulih sekarang. Ada yang kata tak boleh menangisi pemergian seseorang. Ada yang kata boleh. Rasulullah (s.a.w) pun pernah menitiskan air mata ketika Saad bin Ubadah meninggal dunia mengikut hadis riwayat Al-Bukhari. I find this blog post very helpful for now and in the future. Thus, cry... cry when your heart feels sad. As long as you don't act histrionically and against syari'ah, then things should be okay...


A hadith I'd like to remind myself of :


"'Tingkat berat ringannya ujian disesuaikan dengan kedudukan manusia itu sendiri. Orang yang sangat banyak mendapatkan ujian itu adalah para nabi, kemudian baru orang yang lebih dekat derajatnya kepada mereka berurutan secara bertingkat. Orang diuji menurut tingkat ketaatan kepada agamanya. (HR Turmudzi)."


I'm not a very good person, I'll have to admit. I have my own evil desires. I fell a few times. Sometimes I crawled for a long time (but that doesn't mean I can retaliate back to our Ultimate Creator) but Allah willed it, I stood up again, finding myself stronger than I was, most of the time. Thank You, Allah.


Recalling back something that was said by a good friend, "Z, awak kena faham... mungkin Allah beri ujian-ujian sebesar ini ke atas awak sebab Dia lebih mengetahui sejauh mana awak boleh tanggung. Kalau ujian macam ni kena dekat kita instead, mungkin lagi teruk keadaannya. Allah sayangkan awak, Z...". Mungkin... mungkin... Wallahua'lam.