Thursday, April 29, 2010

yawn

Guess someone doesn't know the limit of joking. But it's okay ^_^ "You can't let a few pests that hit your windshield stop you from driving".


It's 5.27am and I'm still wide awake. Yesterday, as usual, Anith, Izzi, and I went to As-Safa. Segan pun ada sampai Kanan (I initially called him Ganez) pun dah kenal muka saya sehinggakan dia yang tunjuk di mana 'lovebirds' tu duduk. I'm not feeling very well these couple of days (Oversleeping from after Subuh till beyond noon is a reliable indicator of my health). Could it be because of my body being in 'overdrive mode' after getting my new gun? I don't know. I thought stress is what supposed to bring your immunity system down? Logically, bliss is supposed to bring it up.


You know what... I think I am a bad friend to have. Because if I'm not, I wouldn't have lost so many friends in a year. Well I guess I just can't please every single soul on earth. As long as I have a few precious ones, my family, and Allah, I'll do good, insya Allah. Oh how this restless feeling is bothering me so much. I'll have to resort to my benzodiazepines then. Hopefully I'll get to rest in an hour.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

i love my guns

Alhamdulillah, praises to Allah, and thank you to Umi for my very first electrical guitar and amplifier. Thanks to my younger brother, Ahmad, for accompanying me and Izzi for willing to pick me up T_T Oh, how can I repay you guys? :') Oh yeah, this shall be a long post so skip on!


During those days (early high school era), I remember listening to Marilyn Manson and watched a video on John5 playing my-then-dream guitar, the Ibanez AX 7-521 which had 7 strings. So I started to dream a little about having them. It's not until I was 16 when I really wanted an electrical guitar for myself, as in really really. Nevertheless, I knew I didn't do well in my studies during that time because I was busy ENJOYING MY HIGH SCHOOL PERIOD woohoo and later did very badly in SPM, but Umi and Ayah aren't downright cruel. They bought me a classical guitar, a cheap one, but sounds way better than a Kapok. Ayah has good ears for these stuff, indeed. "Tengok dulu macam mana awak main ni", Umi said. "Belajar elok-elok okay". That guitar might be the one with which I had learnt playing so many songs and techniques in a short period.

Gitaku (Irene model by Admira)

I held to those words strongly. No, it's not 'held'. It's more of 'hold'. Beyond my best expectation, I actually scored during the first semester of matriculation. As Umi and Ayah picked me up from Subang Jaya KTM Station, they brought me to Guitar Collection, a musical instruments shop. Ayah showed me a beautiful classical guitar which sound resonance struck me like... whoa. "Ayah nak beli gitar untuk sendiri? Biar betul...", I said to myself. "Kalau Ayah belikan awak ni, apa yang awak boleh janji?", Ayah said to me, as if he heard my thought. I was speechless and so grateful. I am the type of person who will try numerous times until I can get a sound right and this guitar made that more achievable. Nonetheless, others kept bugging me about naming it - Gitaku was the name I gave it. Simply means "My Guitar" according to my own dictionary.


Later, as I enter university and as soon as I found out that dentistry in USM actually requires its students to study full pathological and general medicine, Gitaku had to be put aside except for a few occasions during which I had to perform. I almost stopped listening to metal stuff altogether. I wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake I did during high school - there's no such thing as having fun first and jobs later. Alhamdulillah, I made it through phase 1 (year 1). A master student, Rezza, invited me to join his band, just like other few bands around Kelantan. Somehow I accepted this one, hoping to have this longing for musical stuff cured, but for some known and unknown reasons, I grew uncomfortable with it. Ayien, a final year dental student invited me to join his band for a battle of bands about early in this year. We did a cover on a sort of rock+metal(very little metal influence though) song which somehow awakened the sleeping part of me - the very part that had been taking control of myself since high school till early matriculation. This time, I'm sure I can control it well, gaining the benefits of it - the musical talents; and disposing the cons - the unnecessary rebellious and wild part.


Unnamed yet (SE Mike Ã…kerfeldt Signature Series by Paul Reed Smith)

Unnamed yet (15R by Fender)

So when I start to listen to those kinds of songs, obviously I paid more attention to the instruments, hence, again, my longing for an electrical guitar. I let Umi watch my every performance and I dismissively said, "Umi kalau masuk tahun 4 nanti boleh beli gitar elektrik?". "Hm... tengok result. Kalau dapat masuklah...", she answered. That gave me a boost out of depression as well (but there were lots of other boosts). Obviously I worked my arse off during Phase 2 (Year 2&3) Professional Exam. I don't want to waste a year, not after all the troubles I had put my parents through. Alhamdulillah I passed despite revising for only a fortnight - I should've worked harder and do better. During this very hols, Umi said, "Gitar elektrik yang awak nak tu dekat mana?".................... Terkejut! So I went to Bentley in Damasara, just opposite The Curve, and tried a few among which were Paul Reed Smith Tremonti, Ibanez (can't remember the model, but didn't like it at all though), Fender Stratocaster, and Fender Telecaster (obviously this one sounded the best, tapi kena dua kali biasiswa baru aku boleh belilah). My eyes, ears, and heart were finally fixed on a reddish brown, guitar, with a gold Opeth (despite being a band with death metal as their main genre, they create amazingly melodious and harmony music if you put aside the screams) logo lying proudly on its body, very sturdy, mahogany body with maple flaming veneer. 24 jumbo frets, just what I need since I want to learn shredding more. Fixed bridge with tremolo which means it's not a Floyd Rose tremolo system. Nevertheless as a start, this is more than I deserve. And it's pricey for my level. I even had my eyes on a 15 watts Fender amplifier which is small but very powerful (I had never exceeded level 3 volume) . Both of which were trusted into my hands by Umi a couple of weeks later. Thank you, Umi :') Thank You, Allah :'') Nevertheless since I'm paying 60% of their price, about half of my scholarship will be gone, but it's worth it. I'm sure ^_^


In the mean time, since I had splurged on them, I couldn't get a new laptop. I don't think I really need a new one since the system is still okay apart from broken hinges, shutting down itself due to overheat, saturated with virus, those are all. Can still stick with it :) So don't call me a spoilt brat who gets everything she wants. No such bullshit.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

if

If you don't have the effort to offer Allah anything, even rarely remember Allah... what makes you think you deserve the best of everything? What makes you think that you have the right to get whatever you want? We're living on Allah's mercy. Whatever we do can never repay whatever The Creator had/has/will granted us with. So be grateful that you're even living.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

you know you should've brushed your teeth properly, instead of too frequently

I found an article my ConVex group members and I were working on quite some time ago. I thought it'd be beneficial for others out there. This is really, really the way I brush my teeth and they are according dentists' recommendation, but I have additional steps because of the braces. But here are a few basic ones.



Brush Your Teeth!

  • Brush at least twice daily. Use a soft, nylon brush with rounded bristles and fluoride toothpaste.
  • Use small, circular motions and short back-and-forth motions. Brush gently
  • Use vibratory movements to reach into deep pits and fissures of occlusal surface.
  • Place bristles at 45 degrees on neck of teeth and sweep occlusally. This is to massage and stimulate the gingiva.

Clean Your Tongue too!

  • Large quantities of naturally-occurring bacteria are often found on the posterior dorsum of the tongue. Food remnants and bacterial infection on tongue are the main causes of bad breath.
  • Clean your tongue after brushing your teeth either with a tongue cleaner or toothbrush.

Remember to Floss!

·

  • Dental floss should be about 40 cm long with each use.
  • Use a "sawing" motion and apply moderate force to insert floss in-between teeth.
  • Curve the floss around each tooth and scrape up and down several times, from below the gum to the top of the tooth.
  • Rinse after flossing.

Scaling once every 6 months

  • When dental plaque on tooth surfaces has developed into calculus, it is impossible to be removed by toothbrushing alone. Hence, the importance of scaling.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

i give a part of my heart to you

I'm not sure whether this is right, nor do I know whether I'm going to regret it for months if I let him go. Right when he came into my sight, I just knew he's the right one. That great body of his, the golden locks, those precise, sharp notes, everything! Just everything! "I must get him!!", I told myself. Well, I wasn't referring to an actual person, jimmy-caps! I'm talking about Paul Reed Smith SE Mikael Akerfeldt guitar. I'm actually going to work my arse off for this one. Umi will be sponsoring some, but a major part of his cost shall be covered by me, myself. Whether it's by working as a cashier again as before or as a tutor just as the one I'll try this coming Monday, I MUST GATHER THE CASH BEFORE HOLS ENDS!



And if I actually succeed in doing so, I'll finally declare myself a more matured person. Oh well, there will always be a number of people condemning my action, but those very people might have been splurging their money on other stuff such as clothes, shoes, cars and their accessories, etc. YOSH, ZAHIRAH! CHARGE!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

a dentist wearing hearing aids?

Apart from the news about my hearing impairment after going through audiometry, I honestly think that it's starting to deteriorate again. Misheard for... more than ever. The audiologist told me the impairment is irreversible and I'm supposed to put on earplugs when needed... obviously I defaulted her instructions bahahaha! I still have perfect pitch (the opposite of tone deafness) for me to play any song correctly without looking at any musical sheet, but it gets frustrating when a few of the notes are at such low frequency that I can barely hear without adjusting the equalizer. And for some reasons, my hair cells (the first cell that detects any sound that reaches our ears) are very sensitive to high frequency waves, which makes me agitated to a few stuff such as giggles (you know... those high pitch ones) and etc., except if they're melodious. That's why I can tolerate guitar solos, mind set ja kot. I think I should undergo another set of audiometry tests once I enter fourth year, just in case my hearing drops another 10dB (or was it hertz? I don't know, I'm not a frigging audiologist! HAAHA!) - and if such thing happens, I'll have to wear hearing aids. Ayah kata, "Kan tak semenggah kalau dentist pakai hearing aid", but I argued back, "Tapi... Ira pakai tudung. Keh keh keh". I'm actually worried, frankly. Don't want to be another Danny Elfman - in a good way :P

akhirnya

Finally!!!! I had finished my 'little assignment'! Yippeeeee! Bahu sakit. Cramp! Cramp!!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

you're annoying, stop it already

"Biadap tau kalau cakap dalam bahasa yang orang yang ada di sekeliling awak tak faham", quoting a teacher who taught me Malay language. I couldn't agree more.


I feel an extraordinary pleasant feeling everytime I see or talk to an old lady who lives in the opposite house. She's a Chinese lady, very active despite already in her golden age, wears batik most of the time paired with either kebaya nyonya or baju kurung kedah, and extremely generous with her smiles. I had never heard her talking in any Chinese dialect, not when I'm around. "She might be a Peranakan descendant. The environment during the old times must had been different", I said to myself, but later, as I enter secondary school, my thoughts are slowly moulded into more matured form. My Chinese and Indian friends did not make me feel isolated. Even if they were to talk in their respective dialect, they would explain their meanings to me, and at some point, they'd even teach me to speak in their mother tongue. Nevertheless, they did tell things straight to my face such as finding most Malays to be lazier than other races, the pressure they face from their own people, and etc. I find them refreshing.


Quoting John Thong, "Melayu malas sial", I held on to his words and tried to once again stand up after falling hard during SPM. If such thing were posted in Facebook (which have not existed yet during those times), I'm quite sure ridiculous groups would be formed and he'd be condemned by so many shallow-thinking people, but on a more positive way of thinking - he was right. Just look at the Malays of todays and compare them with our ancestors. We're trapped in our own illusion of security when in fact, the walls that had been protecting us are so cracked, it's just a matter of time for the whole thing to collapse. And when we actually feel one of the stones hitting our head, we'll point our fingers to others, as if it was them who threw it to us.


Nonetheless, as I enter university - to be 'culture-shocked' would describe it best. I had never felt such tense between races. I'm starting to get confused with the contents of my own Facebook noticeboard. I'm confused whenever I get stuck in a group discussion - too much miscommunication - it's like having chickens and ducks talking to each other. They both look quite the same, but the languages sound totally different. I started to point fingers to here and there, and finally to the government and myself. It's my own fault for not taking up any class for Mandarin, Cantonese, or Tamel language. It's the government's fault for approving special schools such as 'sekolah Cina' or 'sekolah Tamil'. It should've been an integrated education system all along. Mandarin and Tamel languages should've been made compulsory subjects for all 'sekolah kebangsaan'. It just angers me so much, for years and years already.


And here we are, advancing to nowhere and looking up to countries that we know too well ourselves aren't able to handle even their own affairs. What's the use of learning history for so long? Do we really need to consult they who have never been in our shoes?

"Constantly reminding us that our actions are the cause of all their problems
Pointing the fingers in every direction
Blaming their own nation for who wins elections
They've never contributed a fucking thing to the country they love to criticize"- M Shadows


I know I can't do much to others, but in the mean time, I think I'll try my best to buffer these negative energies due to the conditions I wrote about. And with this, I'd also like to mention how proud I am of my friends who I usually hang out with in Subang - Melissa for her outstanding performance in her field of studies which is accountancy, Anith for standing strong through numerous problems most of the kids of her age have never experienced before and is making it through her bachelor degree in landscape architecture, Athirah for changing for way better through these years and she too is an excellent student, and Farhanah a very humble person (contrary to the usual 'Subangian attitude') who's also making through her bachelor degree in chemical engineering and I'm quite sure she'll do us proud. She might even be a better chemical engineer than her father, amiiin.

Monday, April 12, 2010



A short video of my performance at Gravy Baby along with Iwan and Kishie. Yes, we sucked big time during our second song, hahaha!


Dear Tune Your Teeth, today I have a few confessions to make.

Firstly, I can't help but to feel very intense hatred towards my friend who's having an affair with another friend for months already.

Secondly, I think it's unwise to reveal everything on the internet especially if they are about troubles in a couple's relationship.

Thirdly, I'm having this thought in my mind, "Kalau sudah buat perkara yang salah di sisi agama, tak perlulah cuba menghalalkannya dengan apa-apa cara, contohnya menulis puisi, artikel di akhbar, etc.". Enough with committing sins, please don't make others do the same. Bayangkan 'chain reaction' dosa yang perlu ditanggung selepas itu. I'm not a very pious person, but I don't have the heart to drag others down to hell.

Fourthly, I think an old friend of mine has personality disorder (of psychiatry disorders). She's egosyntonic especially when it comes to lying.

Fifthly, I find it very annoying when one depends too much on the internet. Sometimes, you just have to come back to the basics - you know what that is.

Sixthly, I have not jogged seriously for a month already. Whattodoooooooooo arghh!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Guess the disease :)

I'm not good at making songs, but since Kishie wanted to perform her songs, I think, I'd better start making one too or again, we'll make a very short performance :P


I'm not good at making up stories, so, I'll just write things based on my experience. It's like another blog entry of mine :) But there are a few things I added here and there.

Far, as far as I fall at their feet
High, as high as these drugs may bring me
I've always been unheard
Sick, as sick as my wretched body can be
Sad, as sad as my heart bleeds on
I've always been unheard


Amid this restlessness
I see you coming from nowhere
I hear your voice from my side
Again I woke up, drenched in my sweat
My heart pounded hard against my chest wall
I looked and realized
You're never real


Strong, as strong as they chain me to my bed
Damned, as damned as this place can be
I've always been unheard
Weak, as weak as my body become
Desperate, as desperate as I need you
I've always been unheard


Amid this restlessness
I see your coming from nowhere
I hear your voice from my side
Again I woke up, drenched in my sweat
My heart pounded hard against my chest wall
I looked and realized
You're never real


These lines on my wrists
They healed well, but they're always there
If you know what I mean
These loud thoughts I trap in my head
They healed well, but they're always there


That's all I guess :P

Monday, April 5, 2010

i read you like an opened book

It's quite obvious when one still holds the grudge towards another person. Well, I'm that 'another person' in this case. Come on, dude, be matured and do a little bit of muhasabah (to reflect oneself). Then, it'll be obvious - you know, the reason I distanced myself from you and your little projects. Have the courtesy to consider others good. Open your ears to listen what others have to say, just as Ayah advised me on being a good leader (I thought that I should be a better one next year, although I'm thinking twice on holding the position again). Pushing your thoughts into others' mind will not help in the long run. Truth to be told, I can't tolerate your crap anymore, and those things you found as jokes sounded more like insults to me. (-_-).I. on you.

Praises to Allah!

Opened Chew's Fb page and found out about this :

Tang Khai Sheng Just get to online...Updates: Chew Shi Long is off sedation now...so should wake up tomorrow then only evaluation can be done. Just now he got reflex and moved when talked to him. (from a fren who visit him 2day..) Please continue praying for him and hope he recovers soon!

3 hours ago · View Post


Alhamdulillah :)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

the difference between the real one and its opposite

I wish you knew. I utterly mean this. I wish you knew about the real deal, behind those harsh words, there is something else. My apologies for not representing my real self.

Had to delete them. I'm annoyed and I'm having my mood swing again :P Duduk rumah saja aku malam ini, jadi anak yang baik sedikit. Besides, I'm dwelt in my own worried thoughts. I hope the doc will diagnose it as a benign thing. May Allah bless you. May Allah bless my colleague, Chew Shi Long, too, who is still 'asleep' currently (please don't bug Yenyen to confirm this. She had been bugged too much already) after sustaining a head injury. Please wake up, dude, frankly, you are the kindest Chinese guy in our batch, no kidding. You were the first Chinese guy who talked to me when we were in Lecture Hall 4 during our first year. My prayers accompany you all along, I give you my word.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

to hell with "I'm no hypocrite". to hell with Earth Hour. to hell with every nonsensical gimmicks

I'm in a very terrible mood right now, hence, explaining the main focus of my entry today. Figure it on your own.


I rarely get long hols, therefore, when I finally get one after a few weeks of racking my brains and squeezing its juice to the last bit, I frankly think I deserve a good rest instead of troubling my still-tensed-brain with issues such as getting a temporary job or nailing down a place in the hostel for my fellow colleagues during the first three days of holiday. It's outrageous - to invade my personal time with such bullshit. I shall elaborate more on this once this mind is restored of its rational state.


I might be nosy, but heck, those "I'm no hypocrite" statements, or anything of their equivalent are utterly irritating. It might not bother me much when they stay in one's mind, but it does bug me when it floods my Facebook noticeboard. Let's keep our mind straight and clear - if you're not a hypocrite, you might not wear clothes, post rubbish on Facebook, try to impress people such as your family members, and so many more. To be hypocritic is essential. To be too much of a hypocrite however is unnecessary. The former would mean for one to draw a line in everything. Indeed, the teachings of Islam tell us to live in moderate. You don't need to cuss or do vulgar things unnecessarily because despite a few people's misguided opinion of 'what I do bothers you not', you're actually exerting negative energy to others. How about waking up feeling refreshed and later having to read a person's shoutout stating, "Fuck you, you're nothing but a piece of junk", or whatever crap it shall be. It ain't a desirable greet early in the morning. So before I deviate further from this topic, I hope you get the whole idea of 'there's no such thing as not being a hypocrite' as long as you're sane.


Talking of which... 'Earth Hour' suddenly popped up in my head. I hate that thing. I like the core idea of it, but I despise it generally. How's that? O_O! It confuses me as well. It's a waste of time, efficiency, money (for publicity sake), and so many more. Think of it again wholly. Think of it again without bias.

Friday, April 2, 2010

because Allah created things in pairs

Without sadness, happiness can never be felt. Therefore, cherish every moment of grief just as you cherish the joyous ones.


Yesterday, I was saddened by the news of a friend who met an accident just recently. He underwent a brain surgery and I have no idea how he is right now - which makes me more anxious. My prayers are always with him, despite our religious difference. I believe in everybody's well-being except when one harms me, my religion, or my brothers and sisters, obviously. May Allah wake him up in a blink of an eye. Amiin...




I don't know about this, argh, not enough confidence!