Monday, April 25, 2011

sorry, doc :(

For the first time ever, I sat for an exam at night. It felt weird.

It was a paper on orthodontics. We hadn't sat for any exam for months already. If I can peep into my cranial vault, I think I might find yellow and green nasty looking mold flourishing and anchoring well to the surface of my brain. We took advantage of the situation - attend clinics and study less than we did before. Our free time was mostly filled with anime, movies, and whatnot. "Things will take its toll eventually, Zahirah, stop doing this. Don't return to being your old self", my mind urged myself. Today marks my very first time of not being able to answer a paper on dentistry well. Alhamdulillah, there's OSCE which I usually enjoy answering. I felt so guilty especially towards our orthodontics lecturer, Dr Ali Rajih, who happened to be the examiner tonight. I never had any problem with a lecturer watching me answering my paper, but tonight, I was beyond embarrassed for not being able to answer so many questions that I automatically grabbed it and hold it to myself when he was taking a peek at my answers (especially when he bent forward and made that what-the-hell-did-you-write facial expression). He laughed. Later, he asked us to stay for awhile. "... one day, I might go back to my country, but I'll tell you one thing - THIS is your only chance to learn". I am so, so, so, so, so sorry for disappointing you, Dr Ali :( I promise I'll be more serious at this. But most of all, I feel sorry for myself for not studying well before this paper. If I had learned medicine so enthusiastically, this thing - this thing which shall be my bread and butter, insya Allah, deserves more attention. Way more than I gave medicine, albeit my interest in any other specialty because I am currently trying to get my DDS. I should work for what's nearest to me first. What was I thinking???

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