Monday, September 26, 2011

the reason

Saw Zak Vee's post on Fb and the caption of it was LOLling in the Deep. Terasa pulak because Ziyad, Jiamin, Acap, Mike, and I (the sorta thing only Mike would call as 'BANDSHIP' with capital letters haha) will be performing that song for this coming Course Night for medical students. Ah, finally good players who are actually more opened to any suggestion. It took me four years to find them :) Come to think of it, I met Ayien when he was already in his final year of DDS and jamming with him was great! :D

So anyway, for some reasons, I seem to be a uhm... disorder magnet? Can I call it so? It seems to be so when it comes to Wani and I, but personally I find it enlightening. As I had quoted numerous times in the past:

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 70, Number 545

Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that."

I guess these are my free chances to abolish my sins :) Most recent one - as mentioned before, I was diagnosed to have arthritis secondary to trauma (previous accident involvement), hence, the numerous types of painkillers prescribed to me. Nonetheless, I hate taking them because there's no such thing as a drug/medication without any side effect. Besides, they are just painkillers - for symptomatic relief but NOT for therapeutic purpose So I just ignored the pain except during periods of exacerbation. Yesterday, during the usual morning ward round, my friends and I were whispering. My hands were on my hips until all of a sudden, my left hand slipped because my shoulder somehow slid to the back slightly and I experienced intense pain radiating from my left shoulder to the back of my left arm. Macam nak menangis gua, risau nikmat tangan ditarik balik. I asked Yiying to pull my left hand until it was fully extended and then POP! My shoulder was back to normal and perhaps I was too ecstatic and while I was trying to abduct my shoulder POP! It slid out again! My eyes began to well up with tears, not because of the pain, but it was due to anxiety. I was very worried. I asked Yiying to do the same thing again and Alhamdulillah, it slid back into its place.

Nonetheless, just to be safe, I sought medical attention and the lovely doctor (a new doc in Klinik Pelajar) said that I should've underwent physiotherapy a long time ago. "How can you stand the pain for two years already?", she asked me and I kept silent. I didn't want to say, "Frankly, I saw three docs due to this problem already, but everytime I did, the answer was the same - just take these painkillers. Nothing much can be done about it". If she were to say the same thing to me, I might break down at that very second, mayhap due to frustration. For my every patient's sake, I use my upper limbs a lot. I'm a dental student and I will become a dentist soon, with Allah's will. But she was very nice and I didn't have the heart to say so. To cut things short, she referred me to the physiotherapy lab here, that I might gain benefit from this rather than taking painkillers alone, and that things seem to be worsening that it should be halted. If only all docs are this nice and sensitive. Alhamdulillah. Niat, usaha, doa, dan tawakkal akhirnya berhasil.

Speaking of which... if a friend can't even handle me having all these problems, I don't think he/she is worth befriending. Might as well keep a distance from this person.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

elective elective electivvvve

Apparently my elective research is still here haunting me. Just to get 199 samples, I had to read 1400 medical folders. And currently, the system initially utilised in this research which is the maxillofacial injury severity score system was unsuitable due to poor documentation. So I had to switch to another system which is the abbreviated injury scale system which seemed to have PREVIOUS STUDIES conducted involving it before. And if you guys did statistics before, you'll know that we have to take into account whatever result derived from those studies in order for you to count your own sample size. I was taken aback for awhile as I hate to see my sample size inflate because it's so damned hard to find acceptable samples! As mentioned before, the average chance of getting an acceptable sample is one in every seven folders. Which means - let's say I need to add another ten samples, I need SEVENTY folders more. So I consulted my supervisor, Dr Abdullah Pohchi, who is also an oral maxillofacial surgeon. Alhamdulillah! He suggested me to skip the recalculation and proceed with whatever I have, but I need to add another criteria to be analysed - in other means, I need to request all 210 folders I reviewed before. Still, that's better than having my sample size inflated. You might even find me trying to jump off the hospital building nearby if that happens. Lawak sejuk aja, but I'm glad nevertheless.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

the grip was lost

A week had passed. And I still can't wipe those visions off my mind. Sigh... why did I actually think I was strong enough to see everything?

Had ECG (electrocardiogram - to check electrical activities in the heart) done quite some time ago, just for fun. I record patients' ECG for fun when I feel bored during my attachment to the emergency department, in another way, I'd lift some burden off the nurses' shoulders. It was clear, but here I am. Sleep deprived, and feeling chest discomfort. Basically I wake up every couple of hours for no reason. At times, I'd wake up to my own whine. I tried to cheer myself up this past week, at times, it'd work, but at nights, it'd fail horribly. The headache localised on my temporal area is getting more intense from time to time. Everything just because of an incident a week ago. Perhaps I should try seeing more of this, so I'd be numb.

I wish I have someone to take me away from this place just for awhile, and let me clear my head. I wish I can break down in front of someone and feel perfectly fine instead of embarrassed - as I usually feel. I wish I can be the real me at times. I feel caged. Nonetheless, I know... once I get a grip on this, everything will be just okay. Be assure, Zahirah. Be assure.

Weird isn't it? Most people will tell more on Facebook (now we're comparing virtual spaces only alright), but personally blog feels cozier. Like sitting on a soft couch, reading thriller novels, having a good cup of espresso, with a few good puffs. That's my idea of coziness.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I wish this will go somewhere... somehow. Sigh.

Zahirah, you gotta study harder. Hwarghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

snail brain

It had been super super long since I last studied on Fridays (weekend for Kelantan). Perhaps it's time to change gears for more power. After two months of leaving all these textbooks, I am intrigued to have my brain scanned and if signs of degeneration are evident, it will not come as a surprise. Remembering mnemonics aren't much of a pain in the ass, but it's a jab when I can't remember what those initials stand for. Full throttle!!!

Finally weekends are here. I'm currently attached to the Accident and Emergency department of HUSM. A good place to start as the specialists are so warm toward us. Of course, all of us, the dental students, can never run from being showered with sarcastic remarks such as, "I don't understand the reason you're here. This isn't related to you at all. Maybe one day there'll be a patient who'd be brought over on a stretcher, requesting for crowns", but eventually we got to persuade a few medical officers to share their knowledge with us and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Still, there are those oh-I-feel-so-dumb-right-now moments during revision and I'd feel like crying, feeling very disappointed of myself. It may hap because I don't know what to do just to take my mind off things when the brain approaches its boiling point. For a start, I don't have snacks on my shelves (monosodium glutamate makes me dizzy and sleepy, while minty sweets make my tummy go all gassy. Killjoy!). I have a handful of games installed but once I start playing them, my biological clock will go erratic and I'll start sleeping at 6am and waking up at 4pm. I don't want that kind of life anymore. It's too tiring. I have thriller novels, but I won't stop until I reach the epilogue. At times, I'd drive alone. Speed soothes my mind, but I can't do that everyday. I need KA-CHING! More importantly, most drivers here are rude and dangerous. I don't fancy another accident. I can call a few friends, do some catching ups, but I'm not a fan of that. And I'm not much of a 'texting' person either. I can play my electrical guitar, Mr Mike, but it's too bothersome to turn on the amp and plug this and that in (yes, I'm a sloth at times). So in the end, I equipped myself with Merci dark choc. Normally, I'd have a cup of coffee instead, but some smart ass stole my water boiler as well as my rice cooker. Argh. Spare me some wastage, man. I can't afford buying those stuff every single year for five consecutive years. They don't come cheap.

More reasons for some KA-CHING! - today my cornering lights went dead. Not to mention my center brake light died three weeks ago... aaaaand my low beam headlamps died countless of months ago. Will send it to a workshop tomorrow. Ish, typical perempuan ni kalau tak jaga kereta punya well-being. Cannot like dat you knowww.

Two days ago, the pain on my left shoulder worsened that my mood went down the drain. So I sought medical attention. The doc said that it's arthritis (OA?) secondary to trauma (referring to the accident which I was involved in two years ago). Drat! Satu lagi peluang untuk hilangkan dosa gua, insya Allah.

Well anyway, I had just finished tidying my room up. Bought a few stuff (setakat yang termampu dengan keadaan kewangan yang meleset di kala biasiswa JPA masih berada dalam genggaman bucik-bucik USM yang seronok melalui kerenah birokrasi dan menjalankan kerja dengan efisen) and redecorated my room. Since this is my final year in DDS., insya Allah, might as well make it a memorable one - with a nice room of course. Unfortunately, a few people who used to live in this room decided to be pricks and left numerous unsightly markings here and there. If only we, students, are allowed to paint our hostel room as we wish, I'd cover these walls with a decent wallpaper :P Oh well, at least, now I don't have to face a dump after a tiring day in the clinic :)

I sure miss having a labret on. During my visit to Bandung a couple of months ago, I even purchased two labrets - hoping to finally have one on once I complete my DDS. Speaking of which, I recall receiving a somewhat insulting question from my senior, just because I had a labret on. Gosh, I don't even drink. This is just one little wrongful thing I hold close to myself and nothing else. Kalaulah semua orang bersangka baik...

Friday, September 16, 2011

life as we know it

I had just finished watching a film screened in 2010 - Life as We Know It. Can't believe I shed a few tears watching it.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

hello, hello, final year of DDS. :)

Hello, Kelate. Lo ni saya doh jadi pelajar doktor gigi tahun terakhir. Debar ado, suko ado, tak tahu sero guano. Pah bereh DDS. ni dok ahu bila bulih kecek Kelate lagi... atau hok agi penting... bila perlu kecek Kelate. Hahahaha. Koya molek sero kecek lagu ni kat sini. Tapi takpo, hari ni, saya nok kecek Kelate sikit walaupun sek ye oyak saya kecek supo Sie. Sie tok Sie hok penting sekali pesakit mari jupo kito pehe belako.

Sedar tak sedar, abih empat tahun doh ngaji kat USM ni, masuklah tahun ke lima. Saya tokse wak supo dulu, paceroh duk main game sapa 2-3 pagi (kalau buke 4 pagi :P). Tahun ni kena ngaji kuat sikit. Requirements banyok sengoti nok kejar. Semoga dapat berjaya menghabiskan semuanya, insya Allah. Dok ahu nok ngepek gapo lagi kat sini.

Speaking of which... this reminds me of an incident when Wani, Syafiq, Ahmad, and I were on our way to Ibu's house in Johor Bharu. I bought a packet of fish crackers which was manufactured in Kelate. Written on it was, "Keropok Ikan. Boleh dimakan selalu". "Apa makan selalu? Suka hatilah nak makan bila hahaha", Wani commented, but the thing is... it actually means, "Keropok ikan. Boleh dimakan terus (tak perlu goreng dahulu)" XD

Nevertheless, who am I to laugh at her when this happened to me - Jijah and I were on our way to Kota Bharu and I was in my first year in USM. A sign hung in front of a mosque had "Tutup pintu selalu" (or something like that). I was confused. "Jijah, kenapa nak main-main dengan pintu masjid ni selalu?". She laughed and enlightened me with an explanation later.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

blog snob

Oh! A fortnight had passed since I last blogged and my end of fourth year holiday is coming to its end. It's 5.25am and I don't feel like sleeping. The reasons being I accidently slept for an hour last evening after entertaining Umi's guest and perhaps because there's only eleven hours left before boarding my flight back to Kelate.

Oh yes...

Selamat hari raya eid ul-fitr, everyone. Many apologies if ever I did wrong, intentionally or not.

I find myself being too hypocritical. I'm asking for your forgiveness but here I am, trying so hard to forgive a few people who apparently aren't grateful enough for whatever chances and favour I did them. This very bunch of people who had been causing me problems and I guess I'll just consider it as doing some charity work because honestly, they're too much of a liability to me and whatever I did, it's because of feeling sympathetic and nothing more. Do answer this - what did they provide me apart from companionship when I already have great ones? Oh, leeches... SHOOO!

Zahirah, don't be a meanie.

So recently, I've been reading comments on the increasing number of bloggers who prefer writing in English. "Tak sedar diri Melayu", quoting some of them. Alright, here's the deal. We converse in Malay. We read Malay papers albeit a few of them (such as Harian Metro) had been misquoting news on countless occasions. Then, what's wrong with blogging in English? In my case, I'm just grabbing this opportunity to practise this language because well, apart from having to converse with my patients in Malay, basically, the curriculum is English-based. So don't go all overreacting over small matters and blame your parents for not teaching you this language when you were small or not getting the chance to practise it as the time comes, requiring you to utilise it (such as during presentations or report writing). You only have your ignorance to thank to.

Nevertheless, it's never too late to start working on it for your own good. You have books, movies, songs, and the most accessible one - this thing you're using to read this blog. Go figure! :D And remember... people who speak with British/American/Gossip Girl (can this be accepted as so many are doing this?) accent aren't necessarily good in English. Most of our leaders speak in English with Malaysian accent intelligently and most importantly - making minimal grammatical error. So don't feel inferior. Go go matte (Whazza?).