Tuesday, September 20, 2011

the grip was lost

A week had passed. And I still can't wipe those visions off my mind. Sigh... why did I actually think I was strong enough to see everything?

Had ECG (electrocardiogram - to check electrical activities in the heart) done quite some time ago, just for fun. I record patients' ECG for fun when I feel bored during my attachment to the emergency department, in another way, I'd lift some burden off the nurses' shoulders. It was clear, but here I am. Sleep deprived, and feeling chest discomfort. Basically I wake up every couple of hours for no reason. At times, I'd wake up to my own whine. I tried to cheer myself up this past week, at times, it'd work, but at nights, it'd fail horribly. The headache localised on my temporal area is getting more intense from time to time. Everything just because of an incident a week ago. Perhaps I should try seeing more of this, so I'd be numb.

I wish I have someone to take me away from this place just for awhile, and let me clear my head. I wish I can break down in front of someone and feel perfectly fine instead of embarrassed - as I usually feel. I wish I can be the real me at times. I feel caged. Nonetheless, I know... once I get a grip on this, everything will be just okay. Be assure, Zahirah. Be assure.

Weird isn't it? Most people will tell more on Facebook (now we're comparing virtual spaces only alright), but personally blog feels cozier. Like sitting on a soft couch, reading thriller novels, having a good cup of espresso, with a few good puffs. That's my idea of coziness.

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