I have all the right to feel angry right now. Hold on, I'm not quite right there.
Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a. bahawasanya seorang lelaki berkata kepada Nabi s.a.w. “Berwasiatlah kepadaku, “Lalu Nabi s.a.w menjawab: “Janganlah engkau menjadi seorang yang pemarah.” Orang itu mengulangi permintaan beberapa kali, Nabi s.a.w menjawab: “Janganlah engkau menjadi seorang yang pemarah.” (HR Bukhari)
I am filled with anger so much I sped to Tok Bali, hoping I'd hit certain people by chance. I guess my whole family including myself - we are workaholics. Ayah and Umi had reminded me repeatedly that I tend to be too kind to some people who apparently are completely blind to it, even though that means sustaining heavy workload. Why the blindness? Because for some people, badmouthing is just way too sinfully enjoyable without even thinking of its consequences. It's best to describe it as the start to a chain-reaction which finally produces hatred at an exponential rate. Self-limiting or not, I have no idea myself. But in the end, we'll have to question ourselves... apart from the buildup of hatred we gain... in which way is it actually beneficial? Personally, if I am clouded with doubts, I'd rather ask the source straight away. If you'd like to get an answer (for some reasons, textbooks aren't available) and be sure of it, do you ask your colleagues for it? Of course, that's an option, but you'll most probably get a mixture of answers and in the end, you'll still be in doubt, but what's worse is when you start assuming things. So the best is to ask a lecturer, the master of that field - the source.
“Sesungguhnya mengada-adakan kebohongan hanyalah orang-orang pendusta” (Al-Nahl:105)Dan dipertegas oleh sabda Rasulullah:“Tidak masuk surga orang yang menghambur-hamburkan fitnah” (suka mengadu domba) (HR Abu Dawud dan At Tharmudzi)
And regarding badmouthing others behind their back,Sabda Rasulullah S.A.W. bermaksud: "Awaslah daripada mengumpat kerana mengumpat itu lebih berdosa daripada zina. Sesungguhnya orang melakukan zina, apabila dia bertaubat, Allah akan menerima taubatnya. Dan sesungguhnya orang yang melakukan umpat tidak akan diampunkan dosanya sebelum diampun oleh orang yang diumpat" (Hadis riwayat Ibnu Abib Dunya dan Ibnu Hibbad).
I don't ask for your gratefulness. I don't ask you to say, "Thanks, Z". I don't ask you to trust me fully. I don't whine when I have to chase after those lecturers just to get a number of seminars scheduled. I don't say, "You guys are the ones who are supposed to do this". I don't get angry for no reason. I don't spread lies and fitnahs about others. Unfortunately, being slightly different (I'm proudly a Subangian and we don't live your typical life here) means letting yourself so vulnerable to assumptions. If you're too enthusiastic they'll call you a geek. If you keep silent, they'll assume you're busy planning or executing some mischievous plans. If you're neutral, then you're a loner, that you don't have a life. I don't mind being the target much but when it affects my friends too, my tolerance level will drop to such a low level, and I'll most probably lash out.
I'd like to share a story Ayah told me when I was little:
A father, his son, and their camel were on a journey. Someone came and said to them, "Oh, pity your son. Let him ride the camel. He must be very tired". So, the son rode it until another lad came up and said to them, "Oh, pity your father. Your old father is the one who should be on the camel. He must be exhausted", and the son looked at his father. "What should we do, father?". "Why don't we ride the camel together?", his father proposed. So, they shared the animal until someone came and said, "Oh, pity the camel. Both of you are riding it, how torturing!". So, both of them ended up walking alongside the camel. Then another person came and said, "What are camels for if not for riding".
Finally, the father said to his son, "Do you see, son? No matter what we do, it will never satisfy everyone".
“Sama saja bagi mereka apakah kamu memberi peringatan kepada merekaataukah kamu tidak memberi peringatan kepada mereka, mereka tidak akanberiman”(Yasin:10)
And for this, once again, I recall Ayah telling me a few years ago when I cried because a 'friend' back-stabbed me and I finally succumbed to disappointment.
"Siapa cipta manusia?" Ayah asked me.
"Allah", I answered.
"Jadi, siapa yang cipta hati manusia?".
"Haaa, tahu pun, doa itu adalah senjata orang Islam. Doa seikhlas hati minta Allah bukakan hati orang-orang tertentu. Dah, jangan menangis, nak". "Kalau kita tutup keaiban orang, Allah akan tutup keaiban kita. Kalau dicari keaiban orang, mesti akan jumpa. Orang yang terlalu mencari keaiban orang lainlah jenis orang yang rasa diri sentiasa betul".
Iman does not rely ultimately on what you post on your Facebook wall or blog. Iman does not rely ultimately on how you appear superficially. Beriman itu kan harus dengan hati, perkataan, dan perbuatan. Kalau pakaian sudah elok, tetapi bicaranya tidak enak, kan sudah tidak lengkap?
In the end, we have ourselves, Allah, and the guidance Allah gave us to decide on our actions. As long as you are sure that you're on the right track, afraid not. Even if every single soul leaves you, you still have your Creator listening to your every word and intentions, watching your every deed. And for all your sadness, Allah expiates your sins. Wallahua'lam.
I am very thankful that although my parents are strict, they shaped me well into a strong person who is capable of executing my jobs well, even if no one is willing to assist me. Of course, we live in a community and a community is like the framework of a building - we should rely on one and another, but I consider myself a pillar on its foundation. When the rest of it collapses I want to still be able to stand. I want to support others so they can stand strong too even if that means having myself being stepped on. Thank you, Umi and Ayah :) I love you both.
And to close the curtain (LOL), I'd like to quote someone saying, "I will always win in debates, except when the debator is a fool. I can never win that". So let us all be wise people ;)