Thursday, July 5, 2012

tough call

With all this medical knowledge I have (although somewhat superficial), I wonder what should I do in such situation. When a person's behaviour and thought somewhat deviate statistically... I'm thinking of personality disorders, but I'm not sure how to proceed from here. Indeed the worst thing about it is poor insight. How can you convince a person who recognises his/her abnormal behaviour as a norm. A tough call it is.

My weakest point is my loyalty towards my friend. Wani kept reminding me not to fall for it repeatedly. I get hurt easily due to this. Earlier this morning, something similar happened again. I wanted to cry, but I'm somewhat numbed already. Again and again the same old shit keeps repeating itself. Then, Alhamdulillah, I somehow got the strength to face it. Delusion of guilt, you may leave now. Although I recovered from major depressive disorder long time ago, I somehow still have that delusion of guilt. I blame myself for every single thing that goes wrong. Although I might not express the words suggesting so, I do blame myself secretly. That's why I'm afraid of saying no to anyone's request or whenever I get into any argument, surrendering or running away seem to be my escapism. Nonetheless, learning things the hard way somehow works on me. I'm not going to let myself being manipulated anymore. Not again. No more blaming myself too much in the future.

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