Sunday, August 5, 2012

plug in that charger

To see people around me smiling happily means almost everything to me. I'd try my best to please people, so that they'd feel comfortable, but I seemed to forget one thing - it comes to a cost - negative feelings need to be pushed aside. I had never thought of my other option - to open up to others. These couple of months really made that limbic system in my brain - the emotion part - to reboot.

Ada hikmahnya.

Yes, I believe in this. A received words of sorry from so many people. Thank you. Nonetheless, you know how some people would just love to rub salt onto others' wound and enjoy watching their reaction? Perhaps sensibility is not a part of their vocabulary. I made it a point to distance myself from this type of people. I have got to live for myself and fight for happiness. I need people with whom I am able to share both parties' happiness and sadness. Inferiority and superiority complexes - I'm done dealing shits coming from people suffering from this and get bashed on instead. I don't mind a person having these, but please don't make me a punchbag. I'm battered enough, thank you. And this is the reason I'm running away from you. You find bliss and comfort in others' distress. You can't bear others getting something more than you do. That's evil. That's just pure evil. Envy. Don't let it conquer you more than it already did.

"You don't have to hold up when you face people who bring you negativity more than they bring you positivity. Push these people out of your life. It's because you keep holding onto them that your emotions are very much dependent on how they treat you, how they think of you. If they're too much of a liability, then you don't need these people", my psychiatrist told me during a counselling session.

Change of topic.

YOU! Stop sending me those stupid requests on Facebook! Stop bugging me for God's sake. Can't you see it? I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore! You caused enough damage. One more fucking request just to prove you're religious when I know your real hideous sinful self, I'll just delete you and knowing you, you make a fucking big deal out of every-fucking-thing and you're always presumptuous. Don't you get it? You play a very minor role in my life. I just acted nice because I am sympathetic at how sad your life is. You work so fucking hard to impress others and live by stupid principles and custom that revolves around impressing people. That's the dumbest custom I had learned of. And for fuck's sake I hope I will not need to deal much more of that shit, because truth to be told, I didn't enjoy any part of it. You had to live a double life just to enjoy things without your partner knowing? You're fucking pathetic. Now, get the fuck off my life.

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