Thursday, September 27, 2012

a blessing

Praises to Allah, Wani was blessed with a baby boy yesterday. His name is Ikhlas, a simple name. If I'm blessed with a baby one day, I'd give the baby a simple name too just like my father and my elder sister did. And now I can't stop thinking about my very first nephew and I want to come home desperately because Wani's bringing him back to our Nilai home tomorrow. Congratulations, dear sister.

On the other hand, although I am emotionally ecstatic, physically I am somewhat worn out. Today I'm down with pharyngitis with lymphadenitis, not to mention an insect bite on my upper lip. "Kena cium dengan lipas awak ni", the general practitioner in HUSM told me when I sought for treatment this morning. "Tapi saya tingkat tiga", and she just laughed saying that that's where the roaches are. I guess the sky is the limit when it comes to roaches. I'm supposed to be on a leave today as the doctor advised, but I hadn't seen Anisah for quite some time and she's coming to the clinic today :)

I just noticed that I hadn't posted anything for quite some time, but this beautiful news is more than enough to make me resume blogging once again.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

bukan kita

I'm not sure whether the infamous Innocence of Muslims video on Youtube was solely about making fun of our Prophet (peace be upon him). If it's intended to bring the worse out of us, muslims, I think they are doing quite a good job. When I saw videos of riots involving muslims all around the world - Jakarta, Pakistan, and etc., all that was evident is how violent a number of us are and how narrow-minded they were. True, we can't let such blasphemy go just like that, but no, unnecessary violence isn't something Islam teaches us. There are reasons Umar Al-Khattab was no longer the hot-tempered person he used to be before he embraced Islam.

During such riots, was there any guarantee no one would get hurt? What do you get from such chaos? The world fearing us? What kind of respect can be bought through fear of violence? Do you feel proud when non-muslims start to broadcast their apology for what a minority of them did? For a start, pride is and has never been our right to own. Keep up with the world, and don't act so barbaric thinking everything can be solved with violence. There are reasons people fight for education. One of them is so that you can get educated enough and learn that there are many other more diplomatic and chaos-free moves which can help in bringing the video down.

Come on, anyone with a right mind will not fully believe such video. It's our responsibility to educate the world on the real truth regarding our Prophet (peace be upon him). We can start by practising the Prophet's sunnah and showing our wisdom, but unless being harmed, we have no right to resort to violence in relation to this matter. Furthermore, how many of us, muslims, really study on our Prophet (peace be upon him)? Ask this question to yourself first before overreacting and further propagating Islamophobia. 

Monday, September 17, 2012


I initially wanted to write something about today's family BBQ, but a picture caught my eyes and reminded me of something. Only three days left till the day my tears will be shed continuously again. Hari konvokesyen kawan-kawan sebatch saya.

I know that it's selfish and ungrateful of me to feel this way. Yes, I am happy for them sincerely. Nevertheless, I feel sad myself for the situation I'm in and this negative feeling seems to be stronger. Please don't say words that you think might make me feel happier miraculously. Honestly, I'm starting to see the brighter side of this extension, but I have my down moments occasionally. Please grant me this freedom at least. At this moment, all I hope is for a good listener. I made a promise to myself not to splurge all my problems to any soul ever again because that makes me more bearable - grasped this fact some time ago. In the end, all that's left is this blog. I hope I don't need to refrain much here too. I am very much self-centered here, but please bear in mind - if you do not like whatever that's written here, please cease from reading it. I can't give less shit if you just click that little red box on the upper-right corner of your monitor. 

Sigh... I need more strength to face this. I am not asking for everything to be easier for me. I am just asking for more strength so that I don't have to face everyone with puffy eyes. At times like this, I wish I had never known any social networking site. I don't think I can bear looking at those pictures. 

"Sudahlah, Zahirah, benda dah lepas. Kau tak sudah-sudah cakap pasal benda sama. Dah kena extend, extend je lah", some of you might have this thought in your mind reading this. Sigh... even I am having the same thought.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

orang sains

Left to right: Me, Kishie, Hannah, May, and Epa

It sure is good to be home. My cousins, Lutfi, Ashraf, and Khaidir are home for tomorrow's BBQ. With the boys here, the house feels livelier. Last night, I got to meet the girls at Hannah's BBQ. Two BBQs in a row, habislah buncit habis, but ah well, I don't get to indulge myself with all these in Kelantan. Might as well enjoy it while I can :) Hung out with my childhood pal, Azizi, afterwards. With this, I declare my day optimally spent :)) Double smileys!

Having said that, the conversation I had with Azizi made me think of one thing. Saya orang sains, cakapnya tak pandai berkias. I'm a person who makes my points straight and expect similar things in return. When others beat around the bushes, I rarely comprehend messages they try to convey and often misinterpret them. Even when it comes to shopping, I have certain shops that I am very much familiar with and I don't shop at other shops. The very moment I enter them, I'd start scanning for 10 minutes or less and if nothing grabs my eyes, I'd just exit them and give up. I don't even try on stuff which I most probably won't buy. It's like this even when it comes to studying. I don't turn on my laptop or chit chat when I study. It's either study or just close the books and do other things. I can't even stand chic flicks or philosophical novels. I'd mumble to myself, "Can't you just say things straight, damn it!", whenever I do so. To say that I am very rigid, that's extreme. I'd prefer describe myself as a simple and practical person. Come to think of it, I'm glad them girls don't do that - beating around the bushes. Or else, I'd just run away and save myself from all the confusion.

Being in the safe zone seem to be a bad habit of mine, I guess, and some might see me as being clingy. I've just... had enough of getting hurt and causing damage on others. Besides, I'm too old for dramas. Haha!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

bang! bang! die, you, mercy + Double Tree, Kota Bharu

Today marks my very first time terminating a patient from my list partly due to personal reasons. If there's anything that this extension really changed me, that will be putting a limit to being kind. I remember this lad answering me when I asked him the reason he called for my help after lunch break (during which I obviously had a patient sitting in the waiting lounge) to bring him to a bank, of all the people, "Because I knew that you'd never say 'no'".. He thought it was funny and he was grinning, but I really thought that as insulting and how selfish it was of him to put aside my own clinics, knowing that it'll affect my curriculum, for something he could've done on his own. That day onwards, my impression on him changed. I guess all the anger just added up and chose this noon to turn into an explosion of negative emotions. Sorry, but your reverse psychology shit will not work anymore. And to make everything seem my fault repeatedly. Well, fuck that! You have just flicked on my hot-tempered self which I shut down successfully for the past six years. I honestly, sincerely, most essentially clueless on the reason I bore with this over-demanding jack ass and felt worthless myself. Silap masa lah lu, bro, time gua masih berapi sebab kena extend lu nak buat hal kan? Memang gua kasi balas baik punya. Lu membosankan la, tolonglah faham, tak hingin gua nak tengok muka lu lagi. Jangan nak perasan lu punya badan lawa ke apa, lu boleh masuk bakul dan kasi gua tendang masuk longkang.

Nevertheless, I soon felt guilty because although I had my own professional verdict, I did have some bias. So I decided to ring my friend, Dr George. "Look, I know these people very well. You have to put your shoe down and be firm. Because I know you're too sweet to do that, but they'll just take advantage of you and it's your right to refuse these people as your patient", he assured me. A flick of finger, a smile was on my face. "I did the right thing although it's somewhat cruel". Can't remember when I last felt this way - to actually put myself over others. To choose 'Zahirah' rather than 'what if he/she feels this and that way?'.

Change of topic.

So anyway, I discovered a new restaurant - Double Tree which is located on Jalan Kebun Sultan (near the famous Keng Som). It's supposed to specialise in Italian, Japanese, and Thai cuisine. So I decided to give it a try along with Ziyad and Acap (yay, they're back in Kelantan!). The portion was between medium to large and we particularly loved our Double Tree pizza. Its size was slightly larger than Pizza Hut's large pan pizza and they sure were generous with mozzarella cheese. The best part was it's only RM22! Omnomnom! What a deal.

My spaghetti alla posillipo :)

As usual, I'm a pasta-freak so I ordered myself spaghetti alla posillipo. It wasn't too creamy which is why I loved it and the portion was quite large too for a RM16 meal. Ziyad had chicken chop which was somewhat salty while Acap had lamb chop which was painfully uh... tough? I guess they shouldn't have cooked it too long, ah but who am I - a person who dislikes mutton and beef - to say such thing.