Tuesday, October 30, 2012
7.00pm, my hands were trembling, my knees felt weak, my legs were shaking, my superficial veins seemed like they were about to break through my skin. I looked at my palms, my skin was peeling off due to repeated usage of hand soaps and powdered latex gloves during the past couple of weeks. Sore. My shoulders were aching. As I arrived in my room, I fell onto my bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. Went for shower and I crouched down. With all the water raining on me, I didn't notice my eyes welling up until later. Went back to my room and lied on the bed. "What have you got yourself into, Zahirah? You're not a superwoman", I was having a monologue. My eyes felt tired but they refused to just shut themselves and fall asleep. Again, my tears gently trickled down my cheeks. "Exhausted. I need to escape this lifestyle. It is too hectic and I don't have time for myself", my brain complained. I couldn't study because I haven't taken a break for so long that again, the brain refused to accept anything anymore. I need strength. I desperately need strength and a shoulder to cry on.