Sunday, November 25, 2012

late night thoughts

Unlike my normal days, today, my late night thoughts aren't heavily melancholic. I had a tiring day yesterday and I ended up falling asleep from 7.30pm till 10pm, hence explaining my bat-like sleeping pattern today. Attended a seminar which began at 8 o'clock in the morning till 6.30 o'clock in the evening, but I personally think that it's thoughtful of our lecturers to hold it. True, stress among undergrads are most highly recorded among dental students, but if you ask me, it's all thanks to our habit of procrastinating. The problem is most students cheat themselves, giving excuses simply to justify such ignorant habit, and in the end, they even fail to recognise this issue. During my pre-clinical years, we had seven to eight lectures per day and we don't receive lecture notes for quite a number of them. Still we managed to survive. As far as I'm concerned, newer batches had only four to five lectures per day and still, they grumbled. Year by year, the Ministry of Education has been trying to tackle this rotten learning trend. Everything is spoon-fed. You just memorise whatever the school gives you, vomit everything out during exams, remember nothing afterwards, and later you'll be blaming the school for not teaching you more applicable knowledge. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?! Look, this rotten learning issue has been going on forever and only God knows when it'll finally reach a turning point. Might as well make something positive out of it, right? What if I tell you that every single thing that was taught is actually applicable in real life? It's how you look at things basically. A simple example - dental students learning medical components - of course, it's not our bread and butter, but if you're less ignorant, you might see that one by one, systemic diseases are being related to dental disorders. And the mouth doesn't just come floating in the air without other body parts. And when you work, you feel insulted when your medical colleagues dis you by saying things like, "You know nothing but the teeth right?". Don't take it negatively and worse, accepting it wholly. Read more and show that your knowledge is actually beyond the oral cavity alone. Earn your respect. Don't force the idea into someone's mind. True, it's not like we're going to manage our patient's medical part, but will it not give you more confidence to handle your patients? At least you'll have a much much better idea on his/her condition.

My principle is simple. If you can't run away from something, just do it. You can grumble and share your problems, but don't let yourself be dragged by issues that you know you can't just change or solve. And most importantly, believe that you can be a change agent. Everyone has that potential. It's just the matter of deciding between to actually execute your thoughts or just let things pass without even attempting at changing them. If you can change it, even minutely, then try. If you really can't or aren't strong enough to do that, then stop being a spoilt brat and grumble EXCESSIVELY. You can come to me if you'd like get a kick in the arse and someone shouting, "You're not a freaking twelve year old kid anymore. You're a freaking ADULT!", directly at your ear. Look, I had to extend. Had a huge slap on my ego. I thought that although I scored alright for my papers (I had never failed any paper throughout these five years of studies), finished most of my requirements, others will let go of my attitude problem of skipping classes, failure to be punctual, and etc. It's my fault for being ignorant about that. Of course I was devastated at first and I complained as hell, but I didn't let myself drown in my sadness although it's inevitable to experience random intervals of breakdown once in awhile, but still... things had passed. Might as well make something good out of it. For a start, I had never gotten the chance to construct veneers, so I made it a mission to try doing those and Alhamdulillah, after relentless search, I found one suitable patient! And I'm still trying to improvise my techniques here and there. I even made a drastic decision to apply for a single bedroom although I had a major problem with waking up early. "I should let myself be in such anxious state that it'll get a reboot", I said to myself. I came back three days earlier to make sure that I have enough time to become more anxious gradually, hence, forcing myself to actually reboot its sleeping pattern. Then there's the old obese me. When others insulted me for my physical appearance, it'd be stupid to say that I didn't feel anything. Of course I felt sad and my metabolism is somewhat low. When I had to extend, I thought that I should really change myself.  Discipline. Be more disciplined. And to undergo a healthier diet also requires discipline. "Here goes, Zahirah. No more feeling sorry for whatever that has happened", I told myself. And up to date, within six months, Alhamdulillah, I already shed 24kg off my previous self and I'm within my ideal weight range (in comparison to my height). I had dumb leeches parasiting on me. Again. Discipline. "Here goes, Zahirah. No more feeling sorry for others", I forced myself. And I ditched them damn leeches. So basically I've been through shit. Some things, I don't even dare to write them here, but do I just feel sorry for myself? If I do that, I'd be down with depression once again, for the third time in my life. So no such shit anymore. Not for me.

If you don't want to change yourself and just expect everything to go your way, then why bother complaining?

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