Saturday, December 29, 2012

wall here and there


I am obliged to answer only to my Creator, my family members, and my four angels above. Apart from them, I basically put up a wall against others. You might observe me telling a lot of things and think, "Hey, she's opening up to me", but if you've met me, I can be pretty talkative and nope, don't assume I'm opening up just because I decided to tell this and that. I can only be my true self with especially my lovelies - Hannah, Kishie, May, and Epa. Trust me, apart from these people, I did not tell a single soul how I am actually feeling, thinking, and my deepest insecurities. Yes, I don't choose who to befriend, but I certainly choose people to whom I really open myself up. I can tell entertaining stories to others, but nope, they're only for listening and entertainment purposes. Personally, it's not high-school. Shit such as they're my bestfriends, I can only hang out with them and no one else is just as shitty as Shin Chan's drawing of a shit. If there's one bad but true thing a colleague had said about me is, "Zahirah plays mind games". Yes, I do and I enjoy it. So, now you know, but don't worry, I'm not misusing it for evil purposes... much. It's just that others' reactions are something so fascinating to watch. It might sound horrible, but you're not necessarily suffering when I'm on it. Reactions can be a lot of things. Sad? Happy? Touched? Every single emotion is special and worth observing. If you're a negative person, you'll think that I'm a manipulative person (sometimes I am). If you're a positive person, you'll understand that I'm just a little more observant than you are (most of the time). On a whole, I'm a pretty good-natured person, but when I decide to be evil, I just can't stop myself from starting yet another mind game. Nevertheless, each one of us has our own circles of friends, but in the end, after a tiring day, all I want is to sit down with them and have a good cup of coffee.

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