Thursday, October 23, 2014

calmer days

Today is one of those calmer days I rarely get to experience. Having my favourite beverage - iced coffee; while sitting in this dim office. I just hate white light. I feel drained if I have to sit under it continuously. I'd rather enjoy sunlight with my curtain partially drawn, which is pretty hard to come by these days since monsoon season is here. The weather is rather moody. Just like me.

Coincidentally, today, all dental chairs here underwent short-circuit. So I could only perform check-ups, simple fillings, and anterior tooth extractions. If I could just express this relieved feeling contained in my chest without my assistants thinking I have went nuts, I would. Just to let you know how relaxed I am today.

And as usual, during lunch break (which I can rarely afford nowadays), I would listen to soundtracks of Lord of the Rings. Just to let you know how relaxed I am today. Again. Hihi.

I guess in a way I am glad that more patients are visiting my clinic since last month. Most importantly, more old cases which means more patients are returning to actually get all of their dental problems treated. In another way, I am rather anxious because I am the only dentist here. I might have bitten more than I could chew.

I am not sure whether it is just me, or people nowadays are really becoming much more merciless. You see videos of people ramming other cars just because their car is blocked. Hands chopped off during snatch thefts. Disabled kids abused. People raging just because their car was bumped. And more sadly, there are actually human applauding these things. Here's the deal. What goes around comes around. You battle dissatisfaction with violence and rage, and initiate that vicious cycle, things will not stop just at that point. 

Why can't we human just be more civilised?

Let's take this as an example. A few days ago, due to lack of sleep as I attended a few on call cases till about 2am, I accidentally released my brake and I bumped into a car in front of me. I am not an inexperienced driver. I had never experienced accident while I was behind the wheel. Well, perhaps once, when a few simpletons tried to make profit out of others' misery poured engine oil onto a road. As impossible as it might sound, coming from me, I was actually driving at 60kmph, but I guess my tyres gave their way. So anyway, the bump was soft. I was sure I did not cause even a scratch on that lady's car (Suzuki Swift by the way). I switched on my hazard lights, ready to have a look at it and face my consequences. I am not sure whether it's a brand new car, but for whatever reason, this lady barged out of her car and a mini drama started.

"FUCK!!! FUCK!!!! You see what you did to my car?!! Now how do we go about it?!!"

I was sleepy and exhausted. I was honestly not in the mood to start a fight. So I said calmly, "There's no need for vulgarity here. Could you please move your car to the front just a little bit so we can both have a look at the bumper? I am the oncall officer today, my apologies. I am very exhausted. I will pay you if there's a scratch or indentation".

"FUCK!! You're so careless!!! Your car is small if anything happens, I'm the one at lost here!"

Yeah, whatever. Just because I drive a small local car, you really think I'm dirt-poor? For all you know I can afford cars much more expensive than the one you're driving. I can even afford to buy a house now. It's just that I choose to delay these until I get married. I have my own reasons. I said to myself.

As expected, there wasn't even a single scratch. "There, no scratch. We're good now?", I said to her. She turned red and stormed into her car. "Alhamdulillah", I thanked Allah. Not a really eventful morning for me. Ever since my father taught me a du'a asking for protection and safety from Allah while on a vehicle, I make it a habit to recite it every single time I drive even if it's a 500m trip and most importantly, I always believe that Allah is the Almighty. No force can be compared to the Creator's.

Nevertheless, such incident could've been solved in a better manner, but these days, we are losing manners, dignity, decency, and so many good values as we blindly chase after materialism and individualism. What a shame. What a shame for all of us.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

tin whistle

I am and have always been a fan of Lord of the Rings trilogy. Remembering those days when I even thought of saving some money so that I can buy LOTR goblets at Royal Selangor.

Ah... those much more carefree days. Not much worries. I didn't mind where my money went. I didn't have any crush or anyone that held my heart. I enjoyed being in my own world, rushing home after watching every LOTR movie at Sunway Pyramid to add more stuff to my box of LOTR collectibles and tried my hands on playing some of its soundtracks I listened on our old organ which was located under the staircase at our previous home in Subang Jaya.

It's always dark under that staircase. You could always find me there whenever I was extremely happy or sad because unlike my other siblings, I didn't have a room of my own. So I didn't get the luxury of drowning myself in emotions without my maid barging into our room. Yes, my previous maids and I shared rooms. I'm okay with it since I had imaginary personal space whenever I put on my earphones or lay my fingers on that organ.

You know... I had always dreamt of being part of a famous orchestra, travelling around the world with my colleagues. I had always longed for a career in musics. And when I have grown old enough, I would splurge all my savings n just live in a small, humble apartment, from which kitchen windows I can simply pluck herbs for meals I would be cooking. You know... those small apartments you see in European countries. I enjoy that solitude. I guess because almost all my life, not having my personal space, living in a busy city like Subang Jaya, made me wish for these things. And yet, I chose to be in a relationship with someone and I see those dreams slowly fade away. I am not even sure if my sacrifices will be futile or fruitful. Only Allah knows and Allah has the best plans for us. I do not wish to achieve my dreams 100%. Perhaps I can just grasp a few of them. I had never liked the idea of having too many people in my house, having a huge car which hunders my movements, having a huge house which would take forever to be cleaned and furnished. Ever since I finished my degrees, I somehow transformed into a person who is home-proud. Meanings I have to have the place I'm renting/living in at least nicely furnished and all-tidied up. At least in moderation. So yeah. A small apartment makes everything much easier.

I'm not sure where am I heading with this post, but yeah... these are my thoughts that I had been wanting to write down.