Wednesday, October 8, 2014

tin whistle

I am and have always been a fan of Lord of the Rings trilogy. Remembering those days when I even thought of saving some money so that I can buy LOTR goblets at Royal Selangor.

Ah... those much more carefree days. Not much worries. I didn't mind where my money went. I didn't have any crush or anyone that held my heart. I enjoyed being in my own world, rushing home after watching every LOTR movie at Sunway Pyramid to add more stuff to my box of LOTR collectibles and tried my hands on playing some of its soundtracks I listened on our old organ which was located under the staircase at our previous home in Subang Jaya.

It's always dark under that staircase. You could always find me there whenever I was extremely happy or sad because unlike my other siblings, I didn't have a room of my own. So I didn't get the luxury of drowning myself in emotions without my maid barging into our room. Yes, my previous maids and I shared rooms. I'm okay with it since I had imaginary personal space whenever I put on my earphones or lay my fingers on that organ.

You know... I had always dreamt of being part of a famous orchestra, travelling around the world with my colleagues. I had always longed for a career in musics. And when I have grown old enough, I would splurge all my savings n just live in a small, humble apartment, from which kitchen windows I can simply pluck herbs for meals I would be cooking. You know... those small apartments you see in European countries. I enjoy that solitude. I guess because almost all my life, not having my personal space, living in a busy city like Subang Jaya, made me wish for these things. And yet, I chose to be in a relationship with someone and I see those dreams slowly fade away. I am not even sure if my sacrifices will be futile or fruitful. Only Allah knows and Allah has the best plans for us. I do not wish to achieve my dreams 100%. Perhaps I can just grasp a few of them. I had never liked the idea of having too many people in my house, having a huge car which hunders my movements, having a huge house which would take forever to be cleaned and furnished. Ever since I finished my degrees, I somehow transformed into a person who is home-proud. Meanings I have to have the place I'm renting/living in at least nicely furnished and all-tidied up. At least in moderation. So yeah. A small apartment makes everything much easier.

I'm not sure where am I heading with this post, but yeah... these are my thoughts that I had been wanting to write down.

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