I am supposed to prepare my presentation, but my anxiety disorder is kicking in now. So I'm giving myself half an hour break. Blogging somewhat helps.
Yesterday I received a call from the hospital. I am the dentist on call for this week. Penat dari Prog Sinar Mutiara tak hilang lagi, berdiri sejam lebih duk jahit mulut orang. I lost count of the number of sutures I placed on that kid. I thought I was alright, driving 60km back and forth from my house to the hospital after bending down for so long, but today my calves are so painful. I guess I tend to push myself too much again and again. I could've sutured cincai-ly and shorten my operative period, but being a perfectionist at work, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep that night if I had done such thing in that manner.
Today, I lost count of number of patients I treated too. I only had a slice of bread for lunch. Patients kept coming in and I just didn't have time to prepare my presentation. Whenever I feel too exhausted from treating patients, I would tell myself repeatedly, "Zahirah, you are the only dentist here. This makcik you're treating might had walked a few kilometers (it's not rare to have elderly people walking miles away just to seek treatment). This uncle might had not slept for days before seeing you, asking your help to relieve his pain. This lady might had had a bad day at work or at home. Don't you dare show your exhaustion to them. Smile. Greet them warmly. Treat them gently. As painless as possible".
And now, at the back of my mind, I'm thinking of just preparing this presentation halfheartedly, but I know I had encountered so many cases in which extraction of primary dentition was done despite not being indicated. Pain? Take out this deciduous tooth. Another tooth will come out anyway. I wish it's as easy as that, but we're in 2015, 2016 is only weeks away. If that's the mindset some dental nurses and officers still have, then we're in deep trouble. So I have to do this. Properly. I have to try being a change agent even if it's a puny effort.
Ok, back to my work.