Sunday, December 20, 2015

out of the equation

. Entry started at 5pm .

Delusion - (dɪˈluːʒ(ə)n) An idiosyncratic belief or impression maintained despite being contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder (Oxford Dictionary)

Funny.

Studying psychiatrics during my undergraduate days, from the point of view of a medical undergrad despite being a dental student, I thought I'd be able to recognise it when I see one, but theories don't always work ideally in actual practice, or rather... in real life.

. Entry resumed at 9pm .

As my elder sister, Wani, said, "You care too much". And as my dear friend, Leen, said, "Everyone deserves happiness" and, "You are not responsible for others' reaction".

I warm up to others easily, but I don't easily take in people as my dear friend easily. When I consider a person one, I'd go all out to take care of him/her and at times, I am crushed to bits and pieces when I see them sad. What more if I am one of the reasons they're in such position. And that's where my elder sister usually comes in to give me a strong, hard kick in the arse, and make me realise that if I had not actually intervened one in their pursuit for happiness, that I am actually an innocent bystander and the latter's irrational and immature reaction are the cause of her misery, then I shouldn't consider myself accountable for this sticky position I'm in.

After all, I had provided a closure although its result was pretty much undesirable and one's decision stays tethered. That closure was necessary although I broke down like a wuss in the end.

When the time comes, you'll understand my words and actions.

I feel so blessed. I have a supportive and understanding elder sister and few very good friends who are always by my side through thick and thin. And they all know my weakness, knock my head when necessary, and protect me :)

Zahirah, Zahirah, harap je belajar pandai. Benda selain akademik kena harap orang ketuk kepala juga.

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