Sunday, December 20, 2015

out of the equation

. Entry started at 5pm .

Delusion - (dɪˈluːʒ(ə)n) An idiosyncratic belief or impression maintained despite being contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder (Oxford Dictionary)

Funny.

Studying psychiatrics during my undergraduate days, from the point of view of a medical undergrad despite being a dental student, I thought I'd be able to recognise it when I see one, but theories don't always work ideally in actual practice, or rather... in real life.

. Entry resumed at 9pm .

As my elder sister, Wani, said, "You care too much". And as my dear friend, Leen, said, "Everyone deserves happiness" and, "You are not responsible for others' reaction".

I warm up to others easily, but I don't easily take in people as my dear friend easily. When I consider a person one, I'd go all out to take care of him/her and at times, I am crushed to bits and pieces when I see them sad. What more if I am one of the reasons they're in such position. And that's where my elder sister usually comes in to give me a strong, hard kick in the arse, and make me realise that if I had not actually intervened one in their pursuit for happiness, that I am actually an innocent bystander and the latter's irrational and immature reaction are the cause of her misery, then I shouldn't consider myself accountable for this sticky position I'm in.

After all, I had provided a closure although its result was pretty much undesirable and one's decision stays tethered. That closure was necessary although I broke down like a wuss in the end.

When the time comes, you'll understand my words and actions.

I feel so blessed. I have a supportive and understanding elder sister and few very good friends who are always by my side through thick and thin. And they all know my weakness, knock my head when necessary, and protect me :)

Zahirah, Zahirah, harap je belajar pandai. Benda selain akademik kena harap orang ketuk kepala juga.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

busy dizzy

A month passed without a new entry. Here goes.

I thought I'd be more free as we approach the end of 2015. Little did I expect everything to feel like I was locked in a washing machine and left tumbling up and down with all workload suffocating me.

William isn't here anymore which means I'm the sole dentist in Linggi, but Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with such dedicated and supportive staff. With them by my side, everything feels much more bearable :)

Let's start with last on call. My on call week at Hospital Port Dickson is usually peaceful except for the most recent one. Had a few cases and suddenly for a few days, it went peaceful again... until 4 hours before my on call week ended! 

My only nephew, Ikhlas, has finally bonded with Tobby - despite the photo above portraying that fact in awkward manner. Well at least my cat now doesn't sprint to its safehouse - my bedroom - whenever Ikhlas is around anymore.

My compulsory weekly thing - baking Mazola (peanut) cookies for my family.

My sister and her band,  Wani Ardy and The Guitar Polygamy, had their first music showcase at KLPAC (Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Center) - Spirit of RASIA. I try to support her in her passion whenever I can, so along with my ex-roommate, Murni, we attended the event. I wasn't disappointed at all! It's something new to me, listening to musical poetry, but I'm loving it. Murni brought me to RSMY Cheese Naan Restaurant. I had been seeing my friends posting about this place where supposedly the best cheese naan can be found. So here's my verdict - 3/5. The place was generous with its cheese, no doubt about that. Nevertheless, it was pretty hard for me to find anything apart from that to really lock this restaurant in my to-go-list whenever I travel to KL. Reason being I was terribly confused with its chicken tandoori. Was it batter-less fried chicken or grilled tandoori? I neither tasted good yoghurt-based marinate nor did I get a good charring on mine. It was greasy as hell. So if you guys feel like getting their cheese naan, do yourself a favour and order other side dishes apart from tandoori. Its kema tasted alright too.

Two days later, I attended sports day organised by the very PDK under my care dentally, PDK (Program Pemulihan Dalam Komuniti) Cahaya Ihsan. I sponsored a few cakes because those kids mentioned to me how much they'd love to have cakes, but I certainly did not anticipate having to cut them along with our ADUN. Well, there's always a first time to everything, isn't it? It's fun to occasionally 'turun padang' and mingle with villagers there. I love my job :)

About  a week ago, Klinik Pergigian Linggi received a few visitors from International Medical University. I hope I had given them sufficient introduction to our humble and small clinic and its community programmes. 

And then there's Majlis Makan Malam Tahunan anjuran Pejabat Pergigian Daerah Port Dickson, during which I performed Ombak Rindu with another staff, DSA Suryati. I screwed up but the audience was happy. I am left confused.


Apparently, my assistant, Syikin, missed her flight the very night our annual dinner was held, so I made a huge container of spaghetti seafood carbonara for my clinic - which they finished in a day. To the person who had taught me how to make this - I cooked it better than you did. And I'm a dentist. Not even a chef. Trololololololol.

My eyebags are getting from bad to worse. Kesan penuaan mungkin. Tak apalah. I choose to age gracefully over taking weird-arse supplements and beauty products or cosmetic surgeries.


.................................................................

To someone I cared about (note the past tense) - I tried to be a supportive friend for you, but if you think a guy is enough for you to disregard my feelings, I am ready to leave you alone in your battle. You have to stop listening and seeing what your mind only wants to listen and see. At this rate, I fail to see the point of responding to you because you don't even want to listen in the first place. Do know that it's okay to be genuinely happy for your friends and family rather than feeling sorry for yourself and you end up hurting others in the process. It's okay to fall down and ponder upon your mistakes because we are just human. We learn from our mistakes. First time is a lesson, second, third, fourth, and so on are just pure foolishness and ignorance. I hope that you will make it through. In the mean time, I'll just continue living and enjoying my life. I will enjoy every up and down because this is life. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but only with rain can you appreciate the former. I wish you happiness, babe.