Sunday, April 24, 2016


Thanks to a jackass for invading my personal space for real plus my already tough new workplace, my stress level spiked sky high that finally last Friday my focus was totally out. I couldn't even recall which ward my patients were in. I voiced my troubles to my boss. She smiled at me warmly and said that I should address that.

So after almost a year not donating my blood, that very evening, I randomly...

And I urge you to do the same. Blood donation can be done every three months. Here are a few criteria to fulfill before considering to become a blood donor:

- Aged between 18 and 60 years old (for those less than 18, written consent from parents or legal guardian is required)
- Body weight of at least 45 kg.
- In good physical and mental health with no chronic medical illness.
- Not on long term medications and has not been intoxicated by alcohol within 24 hours prior to donation.
- Should not be fasting and have had enough sleep (more than 5 hours) the night before donating.
- Has been staying in Malaysia for at least 1 year (for non-citizen).

So many friends got married this particular month. May all of you be blessed with a happy marriage!
 Ain and Nazrul (also a mini reunion for former matrics and uni mates!)

Nad and Daniel

Hazimah and Mujib (thanks Nep for allowing me to drag you along)

Darn I really need to pay Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman a visit and buy a few pairs of baju kurung since my old ones are all over-sized already. Hundreds of ringgit to be spent. 

Speaking of which, my baby, Alexander Jr, finally had gotten its brand new under tray cover. See, when it comes to clothes, I am pretty calculative but if it's something to do with my car, anything that it takes! Just take my money as long as Alexander Jr is A-okay. At times I wonder if I am actually a man trapped in a woman's body.

I hit yet another milestone this week. The last time I had ever took blood sample before this was uh... four years ago, maybe? During our emergency posting at USM. My super-kind and supportive colleague, Gerald, offered himself for me to set intravenous line and take venous blood sample. Nazirul, the most senior officer among us offered himself too, but I failed. I was so frustrated, my appetite was gone during lunch break. As previously mentioned, my mind wasn't in its optimum state on Friday, but I guess Gerald is my lucky charm, because I succeeded at both under his guidance, on his limbs haha! Thanks, mate, really, thanks. 

No matter how tough my workplace is, as long as I know that I have a strong support system, I guess I can cope with everything, inshaaAllah. Optimism!

Saturday, April 16, 2016


I love mornings. Every morning, I wake up to the sound of birds chirping, water trickling down the fountain downstairs, take a sip of warm coffee I prepare every single night just before I fall asleep which I keep in a flask, I'd turn on my laptop and play songs resonating with my emotions at that particular time. I'd take my time.

As suggested by Baird and Samson, 2014, in their study, "Music evoked autobiographical memory after severe acquired brain injury: Preliminary findings from a case series", the ability of music in evoking old memories is astounding. So here I am, listening to Adele. Her songs bring back bitter memories.

I woke up this morning feeling... melancholic. I have been having flashbacks these three days. When you're conscious, it's easy to control them. Just shift your attention onto something else. Something that would actually matter in the future, but when they haunt you during your sleep - running away isn't an option. It felt like being tied and your eyelids taped open, you could do nothing but to watch that film reel replaying excerpts from your past again and again. And again.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

five days of five degree celcius

So I just got back from hanging out with my former roomate (during matriculations) one whole day! She just got back from workout while me - 9 months of not getting a proper cheat meal. If there's anyone I can think of to enjoy my food maximally, that person will certainly be Murni! We had a super early dinner at Shell Out, Kota Damansara. RM179.90 for 2pax and you get potatoes, corn on cob, a large crab, 500g of lala, 10 pieces of king prawn, sweet potato fries, and rice. Pretty pricey, but hey, both of us had been wanting to try it. And then we ended our day with a slice of salted caramel cheesecake. Once in awhile, why not splurge and let that endorphin soar high by the means of a happy tummy?

During our long girly talk, I learnt many valuable lessons from her - that we're responsible of our own happiness. That I neither have to give too much face to anyone.nor do I have to justify myself. I'm done being too nice to anyone. At times, I would love to just say, "Dude... could you just... fuck off?... Please?". Nonetheless, since I don't intend to be a mean person, I choose to just be silent instead. I choose my happiness and peace of mind over others.

This coming week will be pretty crazy since Gerald and I will be in charge of assisting during surgeries at the operation theater. What usually are two days of operation theater per week will next be five days of it in a row. Get ready to face 20 degree Celcius and standing for hours assisting surgeries. I can do this, inshaa Allah.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

to face your fears head on

From left to right: Me, Anith, May, Kits, and Hannah

It's Saturday afternoon. The clouds are being pretty kind today and so is the wind. My semi-transparent curtain with green drapes swaying silently. I am enjoying the fig tea Umi brought from Egypt. Tobby is lazing around, nibbling my finger toes now and then. Weezer's Island in the Sun playing on my Youtube page.

So relaxed. 

Had just enough dosage of the Subang girls yesterday, but we all missed Mel. A few hours of hanging out at Alexis Bistro at Gardens, got my pavlova and chocolate cravings satisfied and protein fulfillment by the means of roasted tarragon chicken. 

I think all of us had passed that age of we-gotta-see-each-other-every-freaking-week-to-still-consider-ourselves-friends. Speaking of which, I miss my JB girlfriend, Fiza, so bad. Made a promise to myself to see her this month. Hello, April. We have tons of wedding invitations and plans to fulfill during the next 30 days, alright.

My progress

I have slowly made progress in a few things during these past six months. For a start, I've been eating healthily for nine months now. My daily diet involves a lot of vegetables (makan sayur macam kambing dah), fruits (which I still hate except for durian till today, but I guess I learned to accept watermelon and water apple), roasted/grilled chicken/fish; but I have a sweet tooth, so I'd reward myself with one or two pieces of butter cookies or a decent slice of cake or brownies at the end of every single day.

I have also started doing surgical removal of impacted wisdom teeth on my own now, thanks to my seniors, who pushed and guided me at it, although they'd say things like, "Okay, Z, kau kena buat yang ni (you have to do this on your own), okay? No excuse, no running away", while chuckling as they scooted off. Of course I enjoy watching others do it, hoping I would be able to do the same safely, but I was always scared before. What if I overshoot my handpiece? Surgical blade? Cut vessels or nerves? Nonetheless, I also knew that I had to overcome my worries and fears if I'd really want to be a surgeon. Time doesn't wait for us. The sooner I face them head-on, the more and the faster I get to learn. So I did. Before falling asleep, I'd imagine doing those procedures down to their minute details so that the next day, I have a crystal clear picture of procedures I would execute. Besides, now that no man is pulling me back from chasing after my dreams, I should utilise my time optimally.

Still, after working hard for five days in a row, I'd spend my weekends lazing around. Go for a full-body massage. Give my brains, limbs, neck, and shoulders a break. At the end of each working day, I'd push everything else aside to allow myself to sleep for at least six hours. Personally, I do not believe in 'the best never rest'. After all, a good quality sleep is required for proper memory storage process and focus on the next day. It grants you a good grip on emotional control as well. I, for a start, hate facing a forever-PMS person, so let's start with myself. Senyum itu sedekah (Smile. It's a charity), kan? Still, when I am on-call, it's a different story, but hey, it's not like everyday is an on-call-day, right?

Cheers to facing our fears head-on!