Monday, May 15, 2017

breathe

There are a few good things I learnt from the incident two years ago which makes breaking up not that harsh this time.

One particular thing is do not cut off your friendship with others.


Like how I am glad that I relied on these two babes as my confidantes. We used to be roommates during matriculation and 2 years ago we were reunited over that sadistic incident. We had our fair share of arguments but it is with them that I am able to experience friendship in its truest form.

With them, I feel normal to take a day off just to sleep or bake. Or how just a simple new feature on Facebook would make us laugh like crazy. And that true friends are not only around when they need favours from you, but also when you're down. When you're in need of help. When you are gullible that you need someone to stand up for you.

A few weeks ago, I was told that I don't have the right to blog certain things. Well, guess what *chuckles*. I have blogged for more than one and a half decade now, I really don't give a fuck how others would judge me based on this. Yep. Read this, people.

If anything, I can be quite a composed and warm person until I sense someone trying to manipulate my thoughts and actions. In which case, I would turn into someone so evil, you'd wish you had never known in the first place. At times I becomes discreetly evil. At times I can be very obvious that you can easily understand that I am a dead end.

The old me would cling onto happy memories. I am never good at articulating my feelings, but I always hope that one would understand them through my actions. My words would always come out wrong, so I tend to forgive others when they do the same.

Still, forgiving and forgetting are two different things. I forgive easily, but I certainly do not forget. It's what my past experience had taught me. That one event would always lead to a chain reaction. That one can either stay the same or change for the better or worse.

Emotional betrayal, trying to paint a bad picture of me for all my close friends to see (the best thing is this time no more twisting stories because everything has been kept for me to see), even to a person with whom you had lost contact for so long, who had nothing to do with the relationship, siblings. I don't need a case of infidelity to walk away. I have failed to see the reason this would work. I remember my late grandmother telling me one thing. When a couple fight, the last people they should go to are their family members. This is my thought. I am putting it on the table, because at the end of the day, it is my life that we're putting at stake.

At the meantime, I feel as if a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I guess I learned another lesson. That when one persistently feels unexplained tension in a relationship and it goes unsolved, when one's progress in life stays dormant because too many things are being held back from all the mental crisis from it and they all go unsolved, same mistakes being repeated over and over again, that's when one should leave a relationship.

So I gladly walked away and breathe.

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