Tuesday, May 30, 2017

mixed signals

A few months ago, I would not be able to hold back a smile when I receive a surprise.

And yet today, I received unexpected gifts, but I felt no desire to smile. I felt no amusement. I felt no joy. I did experience agitation, though.

How can so many mistakes be fixed with gifts? No gift can bring me to forgiveness.

Damage is done. Damage is done.

My brain works wonders this time. I seem to have forgotten memories which were once precious at heart. I seem to forgot how he looks like, but I can still certainly feel the heartache. Like it was just yesterday that I was hurt so badly. Disgraced like my dignity worth nothing. Threatened as if I was an archenemy. Accused like a murderer, found guilty before I could stand up for my defence. Belittled as if I possess neither intelligence nor logic. At one point I actually believed myself to be the devil he portrayed me to be - until my good old friend, Hanif, said, "Taklah. You're a good person". There's something about this lad that somehow, can calm me down no matter how bad a storm I am trapped in. Jangs for laif, brah. Jangs for laif.

At the moment, I just want to meet as many people as I can. Make new friends. Broaden my horizon. Feel free and soar high into the sky.

It's time for me to move on.

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