Tuesday, May 30, 2017

thoughts

Lying on my bed. Thick blanket wrapping my body, giving false sense of comfort. Looking at my reflection on the ceiling fan. Thoughts running through my mind.

How did it get to this?

How could a person change like this? It only took a distant third party with almost zero significance.

How could a person on whose shoulder I sobbed over my sad past, to whom I revealed my deepest troubles, be the very causative factor of this long-forgotten misery?

Betrayal, comes in many forms. Of all, emotional betrayal is the most painful.

Two days ago, after holding back my conflicting emotions, trying my best to appear as strong as I could, I found myself again sobbing over something that is beyond repair. Damage is done.

I gathered every ounce of courage I could to open my heart once again. To love a soul sincerely. And yet my sincerity is being doubted, despite having nothing to hide. Accusation by accusation, this heart I mended with all my might shattered into pieces. Pieces so micro, I can't seem to pick them up with my two hands, I sensed anxiety looming over me yesterday.

Be strong, Zahirah... believe in others' kindness. That one evil soul does not represent the whole population.

Have hope. Have hope. 

To my three guardian angels, Kurol, Hanif, and Murni... thank you for protecting me. Thank you for keeping my sanity intact.

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